Didn't want to clog up the pp recovery thread with these issues. Figure for those of us who are having issues, it might be nice to have our own thread. There's all sorts of emotional baggage (at least for me there is) that goes along with the BF problems.
So, when DD hadn't peed by 36 hours pp, we knew there was a problem. I frantically called Maryam and asked her to feed my baby, and she was kind enough to try, and then to pump off a bottle for us (and then another bottle the next day). We got pee a few hours later, and started on this lovely roller coaster ride. Took her into the ped first thing Tuesday morning, and the ped immediately asked me to wait until the IBCLC on staff could see me... love having a BF friendly ped. Wound up having to come back a few hours later to see the IBCLC. So now I'm on a regimen of herbs, finger-feeding DD (formula and donated BM) and pumping round the clock as we try to establish some kind of supply. Still no milk, and she's 5 days old in just a few hours. I am now getting some response when I pump, which is an improvement (first day I didn't even get a droplet), but it's not even enough to collect on one side, and just the barest trickle on the other (after 2 pumpings it's not even a tsp). And to top if all off, the side that's barely producing anything is all clogged, I'm feeling lumps in the tissue that I can't get to work out - I tried to borrow a friend's toddler, but she wasn't interested in working for it, and I have a call into another friend with a 9 mo to see if I can borrow her to try to get some movement going.
I'm optimistic because I am seeing some change, but at the same time I'm really depressed because I was SOOO hoping to avoid these problems this time. DD doesn't have any physical reason to cause the issues like DS did. This time it's a combo of sleepy baby from the epidural and my body being stubborn. I know at this point I'm going to be able to have SOMETHING to give her, but I can't be sure that it's ever going to be a full supply, and that really makes me sad. And DH keeps trying to fix things, and tell me it's not my fault, but that does nothing to mitigate the feeling that my body is failing me again. And the disappointment that what should be a lovely time of bonding between me and my little girl is again marred by these problems (like it was with DS), and having to finger feed and pump instead of just doing things the old-fashioned way. And sometimes I wish I was the type of person who could just throw in the towel and say that formula is good enough, but I just can't do it. So I'm really struggling emotionally with this, and everyone else's response is that I shouldn't be. Like that's helpful in any way.
Ok, I'm going to go take a shower - I haven't had one since we got home from the hospital. Maybe that will help me feel better.