Frustrated! Pressure to go early making me nuts « Back to Group Discussions

[activemomma]

I just need to vent a little bit. My edd isn't until June 3, but my midwife has been telling me this pregnancy that she wants me to go early and "will not let me get to my due date". I know her fairly well and she's usually much more chilled out than that, and so I've trusted her for the most part, but I'm not sure I understand why she's pressuring me. With DD1, I was so stressed about not going into labour on my own by 40+5, I consented to induction which wasn't possible (they said) and ended up with a C/Sec. With DD2, I worked very hard to accept that I might go to 42 weeks, so I was perfectly content with remaining pregnant until she was ready to come out. With DD1 I had tried EVERYTHING--nipple stim, castor oil, walking like a madman, tons of sex...no change to cervix. Nothing.

This time, I've been (at midwife's advice) taking EPO vaginally and orally and given stretch & sweeps at 37, 38, and 39 weeks. As a result, I"m dilating, "ripening", cramping constantly and painfully, and losing mucous. No labour though. I'm finding it very tough to get to a place of peace adn I"m generally frustrated by the "natural induction" strategies--if they won't work until my body is ready anyway, why are we doing it?

My midwife actually said "If you aren't in labour by 41 weeks, we'll start to wonder why your body isn't going into labour." I said, "Huh? I'm pregnant. I assume the baby will come out eventually.

Other than this being a second VBAC and a history of 9lb babies, I have no health concerns/complications. I think she's just trying to prevent a cascade of interventions if I go past 41 (and she's mentioned being concerned about my scar being more stressed the longer I go). However, this is just making me insane and uncomfortable. I need to figure out a way to be distracted from it and find peace in these final days.

Maybe there's someone else in a similar boat? Cervix might be ready, but who cares? Baby has her reasons, right?

[alicewyf]

As far as I know, my OB didn't strip me on Wednesday, but I'm 3cm dilated, 50%ish effaced at least at last check, and losing bloody mucus like crazy. Also super crampy. I'm only 38 weeks today but with all these symptoms I am watching myself like a hawk (to say nothing of everyone else)! Honestly I wouldn't mind being done being pregnant but I also really don't want my son to come unless he's ready to come. I have a bicornuate uterus so the chances of me going "early" are way higher than with a normal uterused person. My OB has pretty much decided that I will go early, even though I had DD at 40 weeks on the nose and he has really no other reason besides my uterus to suspect that. He has no idea I've been losing this much mucus since Wed, and my doula (who is also a certified midwife) says it could mean something, or not.

A friend of mine had an elective section around 38 weeks and her son was in the NICU (she couldn't even hold him for a week) for a few weeks due to breathing issues. I'd rather be pregnant for another month than deal with that kind of thing.

I kind of go from being excited that it might be soon, to fearful that he's coming too soon, to not caring. I'm just trying to stay calm at this point.

[activemomma]

I know--I'm trying to remember that she'll come when she's ready & that the process is mysterious. Last night, when I thought I was going into labour I actually got really scared (I"m not ready! My girls are going to miss me!) & this morning I took some Rescue Remedy and I'm trying to find a good spot, psychologically.

Hope your labour comes at exactly the right time.

[phathui5]

Have you told your midwife how you feel about the way she's wording things? (Like saying "let.")

[activemomma]

I definitely haven't been as clear as I ought to have--I have my own fears on the matter, that my body actually can't go into labour on its own. At my next appt, I'm going to be more assertive. The word "let" is ridiculous, isn't it?

[Momo123]

I'm sorry that you're feeling stressed (definitely not helpful for going into labor!) I am in a similar situation, trying for a VBAC with midwives at a hospital and I have until 41 weeks to go into labor naturally (they won't induce VBACs). Since I hit 37 weeks, all I hear at every appointment is are you doing XXXX (fill in the blank here with every possible natural induction method), the earlier the baby comes the better. They are gentle about it (not so strongly worded as your midwife!) and my doula is the same way. I know they all want me to have the VBAC I want but I'm not due until Monday and my last baby was not big at all (7lbs 3oz).

I went into labor with acupuncture at 40+5 last time, so I'm sure that I can again but I was starting feel resentful about the pressure! My midwife offered to sweep my membranes at the last appointment, and I just said I'd rather wait because I'm feeling a lot of pressure from everyone to go into labor and I want to wait over the weekend to see what happens. It made me feel a little better to stand up for myself :)

[iowaorganic]

OK- I have never had a C/S- but OB's and MW's don't make these decisions.  For them to say 'I won't let you" is stupid.  You can either agree or disagree.  I felt bullied into inductions with my first 3 babies.  Only one did I 'allow' the induction.  For all three I was given the reason of "big baby" and "selfish mother" and "remember how big your last baby was and how horribly you tore?"  and "you are hanging on to this ideal natural birth idea and it is hurting your overdue baby".  Your MW's reasons may very well be valid- I wouldn't know.  But I think induction is the start to all the interventions that you are trying to avoid.  There is no magic calculator that tells when every single baby is ready.  40 weeks is an ambiguous guess most times.  I carry longer and I bet most women probably do too- without the sweeps, castor oil, epo, induction nonsense.  In our hearts we know that babies come at the best time for them- it is our heads that get stuck on a certain date and all the accompanying pressure.  

OK- I hope that wasn't soapboxy.  I don't judge cause I have been there- begging the OB to do something to make me feel better.  It is that heart vs. head knowledge thing.  And I am not going to judge anyones personal situation.  I just think that between babies and our own bodies- things work best if we let them decide.  

btw- my last was born at 43 weeks.  it was the longest 3 weeks of my life with everyone constantly calling and asking why they were "letting" me go so long.  I was beyond miserable.  And when it finally happened my baby and body were ready and it was fine :)

[Okapi]

That would be frustrating! I am anticipating the same thing, but from my family, not my MW. My original due date based on conception (and yes, I know within a day or so when it was, no way I was a week/more off!) was the 18th, but then they moved it back to the 24th based on measurements at 10 & 20ish week ultrasounds. Then I had another one Wednesday (to check my CS scar from DD in prep for a VBAC) and they said she's measuring 33 weeks (full month behind my original due date). But my mom for some reason has it in her head I'm going to go right on the 18th. I'm actually hoping she stays in longer, since I REALLY want to take DD to see Brave when it comes out (not til the 22nd) and then I found out today that my MW is going to be out of town for at least 2 days starting the 22nd, so now I'm hoping it won't happen until after she's back!

Anyway, I hope your MW backs off after you talk to her, and YOU can feel some peace about it. I've never gone into labor, either, (DD was an early induction turned CS due to preecclampsia) so I definitely get not being confident of it!

[tinams8]

I'm a few weeks behind you and Momo123, but I am in the same boat- I'm a VBAC and I have a "deadline" of 41 weeks.  It seems to be the standard rule. 

They have said they will be willing to try to induce me this time at 40+ weeks, even with drugs, which I think is different than when I had my last VBAC.  If my cervix was totally closed and firm they would not attempt it, but I'm already soft and 1-2 which I guess is good enough. 

So tomorrow I will be 37 weeks. I haven't been doing anything special yet, besides RRL tea.  Maybe I'll pick up the EPO this weekend. I went into labor on my own with my two previous at 37 and 39 weeks so I am hoping it won't be an issue, and hopefully I will not have the stressful chaos you are enduring, but I also don't want to find myself there and regret not trying harder!