June Chit Chat - Page 18 « Back to Group Discussions

[jbk21]

Originally Posted by CDsMom1031 

Well, I definitely want ONE more... DH wants two more, so I pray, pray, PRAY that our next one is a girl, so I can use the "Well... We have one of each" excuse against him. =) As far as WHEN, Conner's hospital bills won't be paid off until September of next year so I told DH we can start trying then... That's right before Conner turns two, and if I get pregnant fast, their birthdays won't be close together. I already told DH that next time around, we won't be trying from January-April, because the end of the year is already so busy, I want a Spring/Summer baby, LOL!

I won't lie though. Now that Conner's calmed down and isn't so high maintenance, the baby fever is already kicking in. The ONLY thing stopping me from doing it now is the fact that we're already paying out $220/month in hospital bills... And I can't afford to double that. No way. My schedule at my new job is even amazing for mommy hood, LOL. (6-midnight Tues., Wed., Fri., Sat., Sun.)

I hope that we're in a place financially next child so I can stay home for at LEAST six months, if not longer. I don't know why we wouldn't be. This time next year, most of our revolving debt will be paid off (Thank you debt snowball), so we should... We all know how successful my being-gone-12-hours-a-day and pumping-10-times-a-day went... It'd be awesome to be able to ONLY nurse with this next child, although, I'm afraid if I 100% nurse my next baby, it'll have attachment issues like some of you ladies have. Conner is SO independent, it's a blessing. He sleeps like a God... And I'm terrified about our next baby because I KNOW it won't be this easy again. Like you guys were saying, no two children are the same...

Can you sense my fear? LOL But I've got my eye on the prize and I KNOW what I want for my next child now, so there won't be any other way. VBAC, damnit. And I want a better nursing relationship. I still hate myself sometimes for weaning Conner... ... ...

Sorry for the novel.

I don't think you meant it as it seems, but nursing doesn't cause attachment "issues".  Separation anxiety is a very normal and very healthy part of infancy.  A child being "clingy" or upset when mama leaves the room/house is a good thing.  It might be a pain to deal with if mama needs to leave a lot, but it is evidence of a healthy bond and secure attachment.  It's the gold standard. 

[MrsKatie]

Originally Posted by CDsMom1031 

It'd be awesome to be able to ONLY nurse with this next child, although, I'm afraid if I 100% nurse my next baby, it'll have attachment issues like some of you ladies have.

Hmm... I certainly wouldn't blame nursing when it comes to attachment "issues" -- besides I'm not sure that any of the babies in this DDC have "issues," just varying levels of need.  KJ is 100% nursed and she has the typical level of stranger anxiety for her age, and is certainly an independent baby.  Besides, I feel like the benefits of nursing far outweigh any increased attachment or higher needs that may be the result of exclusive breastfeeding.  So if I were you, I wouldn't worry about attachment.  So much of it is just dependent on a baby's personality.

[MrsKatie]

J - cross posted. That exactly!

[CDsMom1031]

Yeah, I didn't mean it like it came off at all. Sorry about that. I'm glad you guys understood what I was trying to say.

I actually think it'd be nice to have a baby that feels like he/she needs me at all times. I sometimes wish Conner would snuggle and cuddle with me. He hasn't done that since he was like, 3 months old... I blame a lot of that on the fact that he sees Dad/MIL/Aunt more than he sees me.

[seraf]

On the more than on kid thing, I feel like my attention is split but S gets attention from so many more sources than O did as a baby. He plays with Sara and me, he adores the big kids and even loves to chew on the baby(ouch). He has clear, different relationships with each member of the household. It is certainly unlike than having only one, but it just seems more awesome. I do follow more dialogue than I did before, but I can also get a break more easily ("do you want to show Shay how to _________?" and the big kids will just take him into another room!) they are much more sweet with him than with each other, so it stops their bickering, too.

[CDsMom1031]

Originally Posted by seraf 

On the more than on kid thing, I feel like my attention is split but S gets attention from so many more sources than O did as a baby. He plays with Sara and me, he adores the big kids and even loves to chew on the baby(ouch). He has clear, different relationships with each member of the household. It is certainly unlike than having only one, but it just seems more awesome. I do follow more dialogue than I did before, but I can also get a break more easily ("do you want to show Shay how to _________?" and the big kids will just take him into another room!) they are much more sweet with him than with each other, so it stops their bickering, too.

That's awesome. I never thought about using older kids to help you with the younger ones... Hmmm... Maybe a 3-4 year gap in-between kids wouldn't be such a bad idea.

[dashley111]

My age gaps have been 5 years and 3.5 years. I wouldn't change a thing! I love that all my kids have had individual attention (not shared with a toddler) and my older kid/kids have been independent enough when new baby comes along.
Also re: clinginess, its all personality. Not how much you hold a baby, breastfeed a baby, how you sleep....ive parented 3 kids the same way and gotten 3 very different results.

[Mal85]

Originally Posted by jbk21 

Katie- I wonder if my experience is the norm.... maybe other mamas can weigh in?  I loved having one kid.  He was my world.  I was absolutely OBSESSED.  But then when we had Dylan it does seem like I have a more tempered love for #1.  Like, I love him and think the world of him, but I obviously have two kids to pay attention to so it's not so much a crazy obsession like it was.  And I'm not all-out obsessed with D like I was with #1.  I think it's just impossible to have that level of "obsession" with more than one kid.  Or maybe it's because #1 is now a toddler who tries my patience more, and isn't an angelic little babe?

Is that bad?

I swear I love my kids more than anything.    

Anyone else have this experience?

ETA I don't know if this is making sense at all.  I hope someone understands!

I definitely see what you're saying here. It's just so different with the second. It's not as all-consuming... yet then again it is. I don't know... I love both of my kids to pieces, but Greta is not my ONLY end-all, be-all the way that DD1 was. I have two of them. And sometimes one of them is just more fun than the other in that moment. Greta's at a really fun age and DD1 is at a really trying age, so that colors my opinion a lot right now. I'm sure that will happen often as they grow... one of them just being easier to get along with than the other. But I imagine it will go back and forth and even out over the years. 

Joanie, when you think of having your second just think of how amazing it will be to watch their relationship develop. Nothing melts my heart like watching my girls interact. They really, really love each other. They are equally enamored with each other and I really hope that is something they keep for always. 

[jbk21]

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Edited by jbk21 - 10/6/12 at 10:23pm

[Abraisme]

Wow, the page is busy today!  We've been going non-stop here lately and still have another few weeks before we leave.  Our house is on the market now and we're slowly selling the few remaining things that are left-over from the estate sale.

Siblings:  I agree with Sara, yes there is less time for each child, but the kids get a larger variety of interactions.  I also love all my kids in a slightly different way, I think it has to do with their ages mostly.  The gushy baby-kind of love seems to fad with time. 

Clingyness:  Again, I agree with the others, it's more about the babys personality than anything.  So far Coralie could still care less who holds her.  My FIL commented many times that she's the only baby that will let him hold her for more than a couple minutes.  She's just an easy going kid, loves to smile at everyone, etc.  They are each their own person.  Oh, and I've had 3 "normal" babies, so it's possible that you'll never get a super-high needs one. 

[seraf]

Clinginess, we are at 3 chill (fuss when a need needs to be met, but not much otherwise) and one with food problems that made her uncomfortable. They all went through the normal phases of development. I have met calmer babies, but they are few and far between. I've been wondering about LS, am I out of the woods? If he is going to be a high needs kid, when will that kick in? I've met a few November babies lately whose moms were surprised they didn't cry when I picked them up. I think they're at an interesting age for sure. Age gaps, I think whatever the parents can handle, the kids can. 2.5 years was awesome. 6 years is awesome, 6 months only seems to be hard on us.

[seraf]

It's July. http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1357251/july-chit-chat#post_17034195