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June Chit Chat - Page 5

post #81 of 352
Wow Abra, doubling the number of people in suck a small space! Go big or go home, huh?
post #82 of 352

Christina, I've been thinking so much about you.  As everyone else mentioned, please let us know how you are doing and know that we all hope you seek help.  grouphug.gif

 

Amanda, have you checked out the Frugality and Finance MDC forum?  The posters on that board have tons of great ideas for cutting expenses, etc.  If nothing else, you'll find a lot of support and kinship there. 

post #83 of 352
Quote:
Originally Posted by jbk21 View Post

Christina, I believe that you are going to feel a lot better someday soon.  It is possible.  Trust me.

I'm going to be really clear and reasonable because one day (soon) you are going to look back and realize I don't say this to hurt you.  I am not trying to hurt you, trust me.  I am saying all of this in love. 

You need therapy.  Possibly even medication.   You don't need to move.  You don't need a change.  You need help.  Those feelings are quite likely a manifestation of the problem.  I understand the drastic searching for solutions.  I have tried it all.  "If I just.... If I could do this differently.... If I make this choice..... If my husband would just......." 

 

Those might all work for a little bit.  I'm sure you've been testing out different solutions over the past 8 months.  I would venture to guess that's the case because you have come back to the DDC on at least 4 separate occasions telling us how you feel hopeless, you hate life, you hate being a parent.... but then you always come back and apologize for "complaining"- everything is "better" now, etc.  

Girl, that cycle is only going to stop if you get help.  You don't need to have discussions with your husband about moving to France.  You need to have discussions with your husband about the fact that you are having suicidal thoughts.  

You have a child and you can't change that fact now.  One day (SOON!) you will enjoy your life as a mother and discover an all-consuming love for your son.  You can't do that on your own.  This is not an attitude that just needs to be adjusted.  This is a real mental health issue that requires a professional.  Period.

I am concerned about you and Rhyko.  I can't overstate this.  Please, make some calls, have your husband call, let ME call FOR you.  I'm begging you.

 

 

This is all the things I was thinking, but could not put eloquently.  Perfectly said.  If you uproot, you will feel great for a bit- maybe even a few weeks.  But PPD is a mental illness.  And right now you are struggling with  untreated mental illness.  It gives you high highs and very low lows.  There are a ton of examples in the news of what untreated PPD can lead to.  Nobody wants to see you be that person.  PPD is in the South of France, too...it everywhere.  The absolute only way to get away is to get help.
 

post #84 of 352
Quote:
Originally Posted by Becky Wheeler View Post

I honestly think a change would get you out of the slump you're in, ya know?

 

 

 

Nope. No, a change would not help.  This is not a "slump".  Changes mask the issue.  

post #85 of 352

Christina, all I too can offer are internet hugs and hope for you.

 

Regarding living on one income, it really can be done, and it sounds like seeing your baby is a good motivator for that.  Before my daughter, my (now ex) dh and I were making $50 grand a year, and getting super deep into debt.  I'd never been middle class before, and it was weird.  When our daughter came along, as our foster child, I quit my job unexpectedly, mostly because my boss was a jerk.  We went from $50 grand to $29 grand in a day.  Fast forward four years later, we managed to pay off $25,000 in debt while making $10,000 a year.  I read this book called Unjobbing by Michael Fogler.  He presents ideas very clearly on why you are working, and just what you are making at your job.  It just made a lot of sense to me and give me the oomph to try it. 

 

I also recommend keeping track of the money you spend, every last cent, at least for a month or two.  It can be really eye opening, especially when you extrapolate the two drive through coffees a week to a yearly budget (my own life example).  We've never made more than $10,000 a year, and I think we live pretty comfortably.  We make choices that others may not--eating from dumpsters for example.  But I've not really felt much in need.  I felt like I had a lot of time to invest in my community, and that really paid off in terms of other people sharing what they had.  It was win-win!

 

I'm still kind of adjusting to living in a new area, though it's been almost two years.  I don't have quite the same kind of community here, and the cost of living is a lot higher, so everyone I know is working more to put a roof over their head.  We've been pretty lucky, as my dh inherited a bit of money right after the baby was born.  Luca is such a hands on baby; if I were here by myself, I would have lost it.  It really has taken two of us to raise him and survive with our sanity.

 

***

Luca is definitely a penis and testicles kind of boy.  He loves his bits!  He figured out how to push himself into sitting the other day, and has gotten into the crawling position a lot lately.  He's even been doing that in his sleep, oi!  He's been pulling up, and his speech has changed to be more complex babbling.  It sounds like talking, just not the same language.  He took a nap by himself, lying on the bed for 90 minutes the other day!  And yesterday, only napped twice instead of four times.  I think his sleep cycles are maturing.  Generally, he's only nursing 2-3 times a night now.  Yay for maturation!  I can use some better sleep! 

 

carey

post #86 of 352

You know it! 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by seraf View Post

Wow Abra, doubling the number of people in suck a small space! Go big or go home, huh?
post #87 of 352
Christina, I totally agree with this "Christina, I believe that you are going to feel a lot better someday soon.  It is possible.  Trust me.

I'm going to be really clear and reasonable because one day (soon) you are going to look back and realize I don't say this to hurt you.  I am not trying to hurt you, trust me.  I am saying all of this in love. 

You need therapy.  Possibly even medication.   You don't need to move.  You don't need a change.  You need help.  Those feelings are quite likely a manifestation of the problem.  I understand the drastic searching for solutions.  I have tried it all.  "If I just.... If I could do this differently.... If I make this choice..... If my husband would just......." 
 
Those might all work for a little bit.  I'm sure you've been testing out different solutions over the past 8 months.  I would venture to guess that's the case because you have come back to the DDC on at least 4 separate occasions telling us how you feel hopeless, you hate life, you hate being a parent.... but then you always come back and apologize for "complaining"- everything is "better" now, etc.  

Girl, that cycle is only going to stop if you get help.  You don't need to have discussions with your husband about moving to France.  You need to have discussions with your husband about the fact that you are having suicidal thoughts.  

You have a child and you can't change that fact now.  One day (SOON!) you will enjoy your life as a mother and discover an all-consuming love for your son.  You can't do that on your own.  This is not an attitude that just needs to be adjusted.  This is a real mental health issue that requires a professional.  Period.

I am concerned about you and Rhyko.  I can't overstate this.  Please, make some calls, have your husband call, let ME call FOR you.  I'm begging you."

Sorry I can't figure out the quote function Ob my iPad. But THIS 100%. I am a doula, I have worked with ppd, ppa, ppocd, and boderline pp psychosis clients. A change in lifestyle is not the answer. Talking about other issues won't do it. You need professional help. It is an illness. There is NOTHING to be ashamed of. It is not your fault. You do not need to try harder or change your attitude or get over it. There isn't anything you could have done to prevent. You Are NOT a bad person for going through this.

We all care about you and I will pray for you. Please get help. Don't underestimate this, please.
post #88 of 352

Thinking about you, Christina

 

And this feels like a harsh wrench of topic, but I have diaper stench. We use prefolds and covers, and usually just an extra wash without soap and some vinegar in the rinse has always done away with the stench. But this time we did that, we did more hot detergentless washes, and we ran a load through with Dawn. They are absorbing well, just so so stinky (the skunky smell, as soon as they get wet, then pretty quickly into the strong ammonia smell.) Any thoughts on what to try next? 

post #89 of 352
I would do some cold rinses before stripping. I had stench problems for a while and I believe it was Jailed who told me that hot rinses make it worse. I quit doing hotrinses and have not had a problem since.
post #90 of 352

Wow, haven't checked in for a while. Been really busy ever since the school year ended. You'd think I'd be less busy now that I'm off work, but we have been on the go!

 

Christina, I really hope you are checking back in here. I know some of the things on this thread are hard to hear (read), but I hope you know everyone here cares about you. I want you to read what jbk21 wrote over and over until it sinks in. You did not cause this in yourself. You did not choose one day to have a sucky attitude. You likely have a chemical imbalance happening that is causing you to feel the way you do. You could not have prevented it. You do not have to deal with it on your own. You do not have to feel like this forever. You do, however, have to make the choice to speak up for yourself. You have to tell someone IRL how you are feeling. Daydreaming with your husband about a different life is not the solution. I know it's nice to think about, but it isn't particularly helpful for you right now. I so badly want you to be happy. I want you to feel that mama bear surge of love and pride for your Rhyko. You deserve that and so does he. You worked so hard to get him here, to be healthy. Now you have some work to do to give him a mama that is present in his life. I know that it's possible for you. You just have to make that choice. It's up to you, but you know all of us here are ready and willing to help in any way we can. 

post #91 of 352
Quote:
Originally Posted by dashley111 View Post

I would do some cold rinses before stripping. I had stench problems for a while and I believe it was Jailed who told me that hot rinses make it worse. I quit doing hotrinses and have not had a problem since.

 

Damn you Autocorrect! lol.gif

post #92 of 352
Quote:
Originally Posted by jbk21 View Post

Damn you Autocorrect! lol.gif

Hahaha! Not the first time its got me!
post #93 of 352

My autocorrect traps me too. lol

post #94 of 352

KayPea~ How exciting about living in the co housing community next year.

 

Christina~ I hope you get help. Like the other ladies said PPD is not something that you can fix by just moving to another place to live.

post #95 of 352
Quote:
Originally Posted by KayPea View Post

So many things going on in the Chit Chat right now! I can't keep up. 

 

Abra, I'm excited about your bus, and I'll be interested in how it works with the other family too. 

 

AFM, we've been really involved in a big change as well. We're in the process of joining a cohousing community, along with another family, that is part of an ecovillage. 

 

http://www.yarrowecovillage.ca/

 

We'll be cohousing within cohousing with this family!  Between our two families we have 5 children 3 and under. It's an amazing place - village life on the farm, town and country, walkable, sustainable live-work. Amazing. The cohousing community is sandwiched between the 20-acre organic farm and the future "town square" which will be commercial. It is also in the existing town of Yarrow, which already has a grocery store, bank, deli, hardware store, etc, but is really just a little street in the middle of a bunch of farms. It's 10 minutes from a larger town though, and an hour from Vancouver. Our unit isn't built yet, and likely won't be done until next year, but we've been attending community meetings and work parties in the lead up to making it official. 

 

And also meal-sharing and co-parenting with our other family already, of course. 

 

It seems that change is in the air for lots of people. I've heard that 2012 is supposed to be a year of change. 

This sounds really awesome! A lot more wholesome too. You should do a blog, sharing your experience. :)

post #96 of 352

Thank you everyone so much for your support. I'm truly grateful for this community without which... I'm not sure where I'd be. 6 feet under, likely.

 

I called the therapist I was recommended to by a mama in my AP group, but she's not taking new clients. Boo. Back at square one. 

 

I feel pretty good, today, though. I went to a LLL meeting today (for nothing other than to get out of the house!) and it was so nice to just sit and absorb some 'good mama' vibes and Rhyko just loved to watch and play with the other kiddos. We came home and had lunch and he zonked out for a 90 minute nap. Right now I've got a neighborhood girl over sitting with Rhyko for an hour so I can do nothing but veg on my computer (something I just really don't get time to do anymore!). Today has been good! thumb.gif

 

I'm taking Rhodiola again as was given to me by my midwife last year when I was really struggling and depressed when I was pumping after R came home from the NICU. I've been taking it for two days, now and maybe that's helping, too. 

 

I started writing in a journal (something I haven't done in years), too - adding inspirational quotes, too. And mantras. I added some things J and Katie said, as well. Today I made a point to really make an effort to allow myself to feel happiness and peace. When I was at the LLL meeting, I thought to myself, "Here I am, surrounded by other mothers and their babies and kids. It's a lovely moment, R is content, I feel at peace. This is happiness. I am happy." I just really need to keep finding happiness in my life. And maybe telling myself that I was never really that great at sewing anyway, haha winky.gif

post #97 of 352

Ha ha. Autocorrect! We always do cold rinses.  Hot washes, but cold rinses. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by dashley111 View Post

I would do some cold rinses before stripping. I had stench problems for a while and I believe it was Jailed who told me that hot rinses make it worse. I quit doing hotrinses and have not had a problem since.
post #98 of 352

Christina, about finding a therapist: you don't necessarily have to go by recommendations. Here is what I did recently- I looked for nearby therapists that took my insurance. Then, I googled them and looked at their websites. For those with sites, you can tell a lot about them and their approach/ point of view. I picked someone I really like, then called. There was a four week wait!! I asked to be put on a waiting list in case of cancellations. I then called back every other day to check in. I managed to get in after a week. Can you tell I was desperate? This was last week... blush.gif You have to be persistent sometimes. It really helps just to talk to someone even just once. I would keep trying... if you start to feel down, you know you have that appointment waiting. 

 

My bff (I love saying that since I have a 7 yo who says it all the time! lol!) and I were just talking about how hard it is to get in to see a new therapist. We were saying how by the time you call, it is too late. They should take you that day! It never works out like that, though... sigh. 

 

Dh is out of town for the week, next week too. I'm enjoying some alone evening time. smile.gif I'm catching up on The Killing. Does anyone else watch that? 

post #99 of 352
Quote:
Originally Posted by TalkToMeNow View Post

Christina, about finding a therapist: you don't necessarily have to go by recommendations. Here is what I did recently- I looked for nearby therapists that took my insurance. Then, I googled them and looked at their websites. For those with sites, you can tell a lot about them and their approach/ point of view. I picked someone I really like, then called. There was a four week wait!! I asked to be put on a waiting list in case of cancellations. I then called back every other day to check in. I managed to get in after a week. Can you tell I was desperate? This was last week... blush.gif You have to be persistent sometimes. It really helps just to talk to someone even just once. I would keep trying... if you start to feel down, you know you have that appointment waiting. 

 

Amanda is so right. Just making the step to find another therapist and have an appointment date set out there in the future should give you an added sense of relief in the meantime while waiting. And once you've established a relationship with your therapist and feel really comfortably with him/her, you can gain even more reassurance in your everyday life from knowing that person is there for you whenever you need them - like a safety blanket - until you get better and no longer need them as much/at all. My former therapist encouraged me to call her any time of day and leave a voicemail if odd hours to just let out overwhelming feelings if in a crisis. She didn't care if I just used her voicemail as a sounding board. She wanted me to! And she was always on call if her patients were having any suicidal ideation. I can't even tell you how much it helped to use her as my "center" when I had nothing else to ground me in those really dark times. You are going to feel SO much better just having that person out there for you! I hope you can find someone you mesh with really well. thumb.gif

post #100 of 352
Quote:
Originally Posted by TalkToMeNow View Post

Christina, about finding a therapist: you don't necessarily have to go by recommendations. Here is what I did recently- I looked for nearby therapists that took my insurance. Then, I googled them and looked at their websites. For those with sites, you can tell a lot about them and their approach/ point of view. I picked someone I really like, then called. There was a four week wait!! I asked to be put on a waiting list in case of cancellations. I then called back every other day to check in. I managed to get in after a week. Can you tell I was desperate? This was last week... blush.gif You have to be persistent sometimes. It really helps just to talk to someone even just once. I would keep trying... if you start to feel down, you know you have that appointment waiting. 

 

My bff (I love saying that since I have a 7 yo who says it all the time! lol!) and I were just talking about how hard it is to get in to see a new therapist. We were saying how by the time you call, it is too late. They should take you that day! It never works out like that, though... sigh. 

 

Dh is out of town for the week, next week too. I'm enjoying some alone evening time. smile.gif I'm catching up on The Killing. Does anyone else watch that? 

Sounds about like me, last June. I was on a waiting list to get help and I called every other day for 2 weeks. Soooo desperate. But this was to get on medication. I just recently started therapy and I do not like my current therapist. I think I'll do some shopping around. :/

And by the way, I LOVE The Killing!!!

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