DH and I are having an ongoing debate. The question is basically theoretical, since our finances are preventing us from really considering baby #4 right now. Can adding baby #4 bring balance back to the force? DH and I are both from families of 3 and in both cases the middle child struggled at finding his place and feeling like he fit in. I see the same struggle going on with my middle guy and it breaks my heart. My theory is that baby #4 gives DS2 someone to have as his buddy, or if their personalities don't mesh it might adjust the dynamics so that one of the other kids and DS2 form that special bond that I think he feels like he's missing. Right now DS1 and DD have a close relationship and DS2 is sort of the odd man out. DH thinks it will only add to the chaos and the further upset the balance between parents and children which is clearly true. But he isn't convinced it will make a difference in the dynamics with the kids.
Curious to hear from those of you with larger families or who grew up in larger families.