Telling? « Back to Group Discussions

[JamieCatheryn]

Who have you told so far you're expecting? If he wasn't there for the test how did or will you tell your DH or partner? How was the reaction?

Ours is a surprise and work is crazy for DH right now so I think I'll wait for our vacation, maybe tell him Father's Day, maybe in his card. I don't even know how far along I am, somewhere between 5-8 weeks, so that can't really factor in to when we tell family and friends. I think I'll tell one friend tomorrow, she has lots of kids so she might give some perspective on a 3rd one.

[Chloe'sMama]

I have told my DH (by showing the tests.... everyday), and one good friend who was TTC at the same time and got pregnant a few months ago.  We are going to wait for a little bit to tell family though, perhaps 8 weeks.  I don't know.  We are thinking of going with a midwife without care from an OB at all, so we won't be having a dating US most likely..... 

[odinsmama]

Yep, I've told family and close friends. The folks who I know will be praying for healthy baby and mama, and who I know I'd appreciate support from if something goes wrong.

[etsdtm99]

I just found out yesterday, the first test was so faint, i didn't tell DH until i'd taken a 2nd one and it was more obvious (by evening) He was already a bit upset that i hadn't told him sooner   .. i had to explain to him that i think i'm pregnant every cycle and i take tests and they are usually negative and i just never tell him lol

I have also told 2 friends, one who found out she is pregnant last week, and the other because i just wanted to tell someone else and i know she can keep a secret .. 

I'm not sure when we'll tell anyone else.. i'm very nervous because i O'd so late (CD 35-37ish) and i had a miscarriage in 2007 after getting pregnant with a late O and i always partly blamed the late o for the m/c ..   because of hte late O (and the fact that it is pretty much a guess, i wasn't charting temps, or using opks or anything)  I am sure my midwife will want me to get a dating u/s .. 

[alaskanmomma]

DH had to run to the store and buy me a test yesterday morning, and I just called him to tell him. When he got home he wanted me to pee on another stick in front of him :P. I've told 3 close friends, and he's told 2 of his and a few co-workers. We aren't going to tell anyone else until we get an ultrasound, probably at 11 weeks or so. 

[loveandgarbage]

Originally Posted by odinsmama 

Yep, I've told family and close friends. The folks who I know will be praying for healthy baby and mama, and who I know I'd appreciate support from if something goes wrong.

Exactly the same for me. I spilled the news to three close mama friends, my sister, and my mom. They are my strong support system and I knew they would be nothing but happy for me. My mom actually called me a minute after I got my positive-- she and I are psychically linked! We're gonna wait to tell other family until I am 12 wks along because there might be some judgment. I called DH at work right after I took the test... and he had known it was a possibility anyway because we know when we conceived (it was an "oops" though a happy one).

[lisaloulou]

We've already told close family and close friends.  I can NOT keep things like this a secret as I'd be bursting at the seams to tell!!  I wrote up two fortunes and stuck them in DH's and DD's fortune cookies last night.  DD's said, "You are going to be a big sister".  Something she has been asking for since she was 2 years old....she's almost 6.  And, on the back it had the due date as her "lucky numbers" and how to say "big sister" in Chinese.  I can't remember exactly what I put on DH's, but it was something to the effect of, "A wonderful life-changing event will be occurring in approximately 9 months." and the same Nos. on the back and how to say "Daddy times two" in Chinese.  What made it even better was DH almost ate his fortune and I got the entire thing on video.  Hysterical and tear-jerking at the same time!

[iamkateiam]

My DH was at work when I tested, so I made sugar cookies in the shape of hearts and wrote out "congrats dad" on two of them.  Then I took a nap, so he saw the cookies while I was napping.  We haven't told anyone else, but I'm guessing my book club will be suspicious when I turn down a glass of wine at our meeting Wednesday.  We're going to see my mom (she lives in DC) in 3 weeks and we are debating whether to tell her while we are there or wait until 10 weeks or so (I'll be 7 weeks when we see her). 

I still don't think it's sunk in yet (c:

[Dakota1235]

I feel like I knew immediately, LOL, and I am the worst with secrets. My breasts have been so sore, and they have only ever felt that way when I was pregnant. This is my second pregnancy, but the first ended a miscarriage @ 10 weeks. I knew early on then too, and in my excitement I told everyone. I then had to tell all those people about the miscarriage. It was nice to have support during that hard time, but very awkward too when I came across people who hadn't heard about the miscarriage and were offering congratulations. So, I am just at 4 weeks and so far I told DH, my Mom, and my grandfather who lives with us, so he won't be freaked out when I am hurling, which has already begun, lol.

It's so hard because I am so excited, but a part of me worries this won't be a sticky baby. Only time will tell. The plan is to not say anything to anyone else until at least week 8.... we'll see if I can keep a secret that long.

ETA: HAHAHA FAIL...... we attended a birthday party today and I proceeded to tell my sister, brothers, Dad, and cousin, LOL. SOooooooo much for that plan. At any rate they are supportive so if things don't turn out they'll be good supports.

Edited by Dakota1235 - 6/3/12 at 6:13pm

[Adaline'sMama]

Dh knows. We were actively ttc, and the moment I felt nauseous I gave up beer and cigarettes (I know, old habits that I pick back up during stress). He got off work one night and I said I wanted to go out to eat and he said he was too tired. I told him to change is clothes- I wanted to celebrate, and he instantly knew what I was talking about it. We ate buttermilk friend chicken for an insane amount of money. We havent told anyone else. Well, he told his life coach That's all. DD keeps asking me if there is a baby in my belly. Psychic much? She's probably heard us talking about it.

My inclination is to wait until Im showing to tell, but I know there will be people who know beforehand. One of my bff's is currently ttc, and ovulates next week. If she gets a bfp two weeks later, Ill tell her. My other bff is 40+ weeks pg, and I cant keep it from her for too long. My other bff lives in colorado, so I plan to tell her as soon as she will stop letting her cell go to voicemail. And my other bff is currently out of town until November, but Im sure she will be among the first. Probably not until after our first appointment- at 7 weeks.

MIL will likely be the last to know. She was awful about us telling her about our last two kids, and I cant imagine she will be pleased this time. If anyone would say "it", it would be her. ("it", being that there was some high reason that our last son was taken from us and dont we think we are pushing our luck with trying for something that is so obviously not meant to be). People may think Im being a drama queen about that, but she literally told DH that we were cheating DD out of her childhood when we told her that I was pg with Charlie. DH's plan for telling her: hand her a box of sparklers and say, "nothing but positives this time, mom"

My parents have already told us that they think the best thing for us would be (in their words) to "get back on the horse". So, Im sure they will know sooner rather than later. Plus, we are part time living with my mom right now, so it's only a matter of time before she figures it out if she hasnt already.

Announcement of facebook: I doubt it will happen this time.
No showers, parties, or other things until after this baby is here and healthy.

[rachieface]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

MIL will likely be the last to know. She was awful about us telling her about our last two kids, and I cant imagine she will be pleased this time. If anyone would say "it", it would be her. ("it", being that there was some high reason that our last son was taken from us and dont we think we are pushing our luck with trying for something that is so obviously not meant to be). People may think Im being a drama queen about that, but she literally told DH that we were cheating DD out of her childhood when we told her that I was pg with Charlie. DH's plan for telling her: hand her a box of sparklers and say, "nothing but positives this time, mom"
 

I cannot believe your MIL would say that.  That is awful!  Most kids love having siblings, too, so that doesn't make any sense.  Ugh...how rude.

[loveandgarbage]

Originally Posted by rachieface 

I cannot believe your MIL would say that.  That is awful!  Most kids love having siblings, too, so that doesn't make any sense.  Ugh...how rude.

So disgusting. I hope you don't let her get to you. In my experience, when people have strong negative reactions to a pregnancy it's usually them projecting something.

[canadianhippie]

Thats so sad and mean!

I told my DP right after the test, couldnt hide it!

He has told his brother and friend and I have told my college class (Last time id see them all together and we've had 4 babies come this year!) and a close friend

Unfortunetly, Im hiding this pregnancy until I cant anymore due to a big baby belly

I was a young mother, and Im finishing college, I live at home to save money and now Im pregnant, not good (well a baby is always a good thing, but only to me and DP)

With my first, I was told to get my coat were going to the clinic (abortion) when I first told them I was expecting, I heard "  if you have the baby..." or "have you reconsidered" until the 4 month deadline for abortions

I anticipate this again....so at least until 4 months Ill keep it private because my family is going to flip, I would love to have the reaction my SIL has gotten for her 2 pregnancies...but its just not in my cards, just me being happy for baby coming
 

[Adaline'sMama]

Canadianhippie-

and

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!

You may not have people excited for your IRL, but we are excited for you! It's awful that they said those things the first time, thankfully it's not their baby- so they dont have to be happy about it. It would be great if they could support you, but it's good that you can plan around realistic expectations.

[odinsmama]

It's looking like I'm not going to be able to keep this little babe a secret for too much longer.  I know I'm mainly bloated, at only 5 weeks, but I'm a tiny person and it's going to show, bloat or not!

Not expecting any negative reactions or anything, it just gets to seem really long when people know you're pregnant for the whole duration.  I have one group of friends who will ask "you're *still* pregnant?!" every week from like 35 weeks on.  It gets really annoying, to the point I may have to avoid them at the end this time around.  I realized, with my last pregnancy, that it could be because so many of them have had preterm labor or induction or some other thing and at least it started to make sense to me why a normal pregnancy might seem so long to them.  

[etsdtm99]

Originally Posted by odinsmama 

It's looking like I'm not going to be able to keep this little babe a secret for too much longer.  I know I'm mainly bloated, at only 5 weeks, but I'm a tiny person and it's going to show, bloat or not!

I'm having a similar problem, by afternoon I look like i've gained 10lbs this week!  its 'just' bloating though.. i'm only 4 wks 2 or 3 days .. 

plus my pants are hurting me, i can't handle pressure on my belly at this stage, i never can.. so i have ot get them out of the way, and that means my belly sticks out even more.. 

and UGH. i am dreading telling my mom!!  for no good reason other than this is #4 and she just thinks i'm crazy and i don't want to hear it -- oh, and she lives down the street from me and i see her every day.. which takes me back to the bloating and how hard it is to hide! 

[LadyCatherine185]

we have told close friends and family. and I found out that a close friend of mine is also pregnant, and due in early Feb too!!! It is going to be hard for me to hide this for long as well, my belly is poking out quite a bit already and I'm only 5w 2d!! But I am a small person and short-waisted.... I think I may have to go out and get some roomier shorts to last for the rest of the summer!

[canadianhippie]

Im so worried about showing early too! Im in my 6th week and really bloated

I bought one of those belly bands to help tuck everything in, and Im wearing tunics to cover 

[satorifound]

I have told people at work, and my bf of course, but beyond that only a few friends.  I am in the middle of a divorce and so can't tell my kids because they might tell their dad and then... Well, I don't want him to delay the divorce because he is pissed at me.  *sigh*  It is a little bit of a difficult situation, but c'est la vie, I put myself here and I am excited as heck anyway.

[Gray's Mommy]

We have only told a handful of people...just those who will surround us with prayer & positive thoughts. We recently miscarried, so this little one is getting extra prayers. I did book my doula & midwife already though.

My family doesn't know yet...I figure I will tell them this week though.