Telling? - Page 2 « Back to Group Discussions

[Teles]

We have told our coworkers and a couple of select friends, but haven't told our family yet. I just had a miscarriage in early May and found that our families were terrible at dealing with it and made the whole thing more difficult - mine were incredibly selfish ("this is my loss as much as it is yours") and his were indifferent ("it happens").

I have moments when I want to shout from rooftops and others where I regret having told the number of people I have.

[sunnygal27]

We haven't told anyone yet.  It has been fun to have our lil secret for now.  Maybe you ladies can give me some of your thoughts.  My sister has been TTC and within the last year has had 2 MC. She has her appointment this friday with a specialist who then will refer her to a fertility doc.  Do you guys think I should hold off on saying anything?   This is my 2nd pregnancy.  With both our first and this pregnancy we got pregnant on the first try.  I feel awful for her and her hubby and am just not sure what to do. Thinking maybe I should wait till my first ultrasound on 7/5 to make sure everything is ok. 

Thoughts???

[loveandgarbage]

I think it would depend on how your relationship with your sister is. My sister and I are very close, and I know I wouldn't be able to keep it from her, even if it would hurt her for personal reasons. Is she one to feel jealous? Do you fight at all? As I'm sure you know, when a woman is dealing with infertility she may not act/think rationally because of all the emotions involved. I would think it's not a bad idea to hold off for a little while until you are over the hump... but then again it might be nice to have her support if something goes wrong. I hope your sister's fertility issues are resolved and you can enjoy the baby years together!

[Chloe'sMama]

I was in your sisters place.... My sister got pregnant first try with #2 after I had been trying for a year and had a miscarriage.  I was not sad at all when she told me.  I was upset when other people got pregnant, but not my sister.... We are best friends though.  (I have not told her yet.... we are waiting till we see them in person).

[sunnygal27]

Me and my sister are super close, talk multiple times a day. I know she'd be happy for me. She had asked last week if we had started trying (my hubby just got back from deployment)  I told her we weren't preventing and it was possible that I was pg already.   It just hurts me so bad to know she is having trouble getting pg.  Maybe I will see how her doc appointment goes on Friday before telling her? 

[loveandgarbage]

It sounds like she would be happy for you then. I would second waiting for Friday if you think that's the most peaceful way. That is, if you can keep it in for that long! It's nice to hear that other women have great relationship with their sisters-- i feel like out of my friend I'm the anomaly. My sister is also my best friend :).

[gingernerdygirl]

I joke that I'm never telling anyone and the kid can tell them him/herself when s/he shows up.

My partner knows, he bought the test &  knew I was taking it. He got home from his nigh shift job about an hour after I found out.

The only other person I've told is my personal trainer. A very close friend asked and I confirmed.

Saying the words "I'm pregnant" makes it too real so I'm avoiding it at all costs. Right now instead of thinking of who I'll tell when I'll wade in denial awhile longer.

Realistically after I hit about the 9-10 week mark I guess I'll start telling people. I want to make sure that this one will stick before starting the drama that will ensue because of my pregnancy. Relaxin is not my friend so everything sort of pops out quickly for me. I hope I can keep it quiet til then. 

[etsdtm99]

Originally Posted by gingernerdygirl 

I joke that I'm never telling anyone and the kid can tell them him/herself when s/he shows up.

My partner knows, he bought the test &  knew I was taking it. He got home from his nigh shift job about an hour after I found out.

The only other person I've told is my personal trainer. A very close friend asked and I confirmed.

Saying the words "I'm pregnant" makes it too real so I'm avoiding it at all costs. Right now instead of thinking of who I'll tell when I'll wade in denial awhile longer.

Realistically after I hit about the 9-10 week mark I guess I'll start telling people. I want to make sure that this one will stick before starting the drama that will ensue because of my pregnancy. Relaxin is not my friend so everything sort of pops out quickly for me. I hope I can keep it quiet til then. 

yes. I can relate to all of this!! I want to wait to be sure everything is ok to avoid unnecessary drama.. but i'm expecting i won't be able to hide it after 8-9 weeks ..

[GnomeyNewt]

Originally Posted by gingernerdygirl 

I joke that I'm never telling anyone and the kid can tell them him/herself when s/he shows up.

Saying the words "I'm pregnant" makes it too real so I'm avoiding it at all costs. Right now instead of thinking of who I'll tell when I'll wade in denial awhile longer.

I told DH that I would just not tell anybody ever and the bean would just arrive and we would just go on living like the bean was always around! I am in shear denial right now... BIL just had a baby less than 2 weeks ago, while holding the new little nephew... I said to myself... "Thank *bleeping* gosh I don't have to deal with this crap again!" I wanted more kids, but intended to adopt toddlers for a very specific reasons.

I happen to be tracking my menstrual cycle because I was trying to loose weight and during AF I get more bloated and weight tends to stick for a few days. I knew something strange was happening when I didn't get my usual cramps, weight stopped dropping, and AF never arrived. I have a 5 yr old test laying around from when I conceived my 5 yr old! I told DH I would take it tomorrow morning if AF does not arrive. I took the test which expired years ago and it was BFP. Promptly sent DH out to the store to get a fresh test... of course I use the bathroom right before he gets home so I wait maybe an hour ... and I guess those preggo tests can last a long time unsealed, second one BFP!

I plan to not tell a soul, though I can't stop talking about exercising while pregnant and apparently my DD is very good listener, so she knows. Almost called my mom, but for some reason I'm freaked what she will say even though she likes babies and never had a problem with my previous 2. As for MIL, after I announced my first BFP, she told me "NOT YET! I'm only 42 yrs old" (DH was 25 at the time), in which I promptly replied, "Than you shouldn't have had your kids so young!".

[JamieCatheryn]

I told my DH a week and a half ago, we went on our vacation (I was waiting until after his stressful week of work), and the first morning in the hotel we were awake before the kids so I told him we were having another one. He's been pretty matter of fact, a little cute and wistful touching my belly, a little jokingly rueful about them outnumbering us. We started telling the family the day after my sister in law's wedding, didn't want to compete for attention. It's our 3rd and it's early yet so there's been initial happy reactions then mostly nothing. But I was having so much nausea and exhaustion we had to tell or they'd be worried I was sick. Our 6 year old talks about it once in a while now, how he's having another sister or a brother and he will introduce it to everyone, but almost doesn't believe it yet since my tummy hasn't grown really.

[aotw]

I told DH a minute after I saw the BFP, I can't say I was surprised to see it but still unprepared none the less. I called him into the bathroom and the test was sitting there and he looked at it and said, 'what?'...i pointed to it, and he looked closer and said 'oh....oh?...ok...that's....exciting'...then gave me a hug. i cried and said i was so not prepared for this. he told me it was a good thing. we were going to wait to tell family and friends, and we did for a few days but then i got worried about the molar pregnancy possibility and decided i wanted the support of family so we told a few people. and we are telling his parents tonight at dinner. i dunno how surprised they will be either, lol
 

[iamkateiam]

We hadn't planned on telling anyone until at least our 10 week ultrasound.  I think we may have to tell my mom sooner.  We're going to visit her tomorrow (she lives in Washington DC).  She wants to spend Friday walking around the city in the heat.  I think I might die if I have to do that.  So, I'm thinking we may have to tell her when we get into town tomorrow nigh so we don't hurt her feelings by not wanting to sight see...

[GnomeyNewt]

Originally Posted by aotw 

said 'oh....oh?...ok...that's....exciting'...then gave me a hug.

I love your DH reaction!

[SmtmsAlwys]

Originally Posted by JamieCatheryn 

Who have you told so far you're expecting? If he wasn't there for the test how did or will you tell your DH or partner? How was the reaction?

Ours is a surprise and work is crazy for DH right now so I think I'll wait for our vacation, maybe tell him Father's Day, maybe in his card. I don't even know how far along I am, somewhere between 5-8 weeks, so that can't really factor in to when we tell family and friends. I think I'll tell one friend tomorrow, she has lots of kids so she might give some perspective on a 3rd one.

So far, the only people that know - besides DH and myself - are my mom, our oldest niece, and two friends. Oh, and some people online.

When I shared the test with my husband, he is happy. We weren't trying or not trying, so we're both just kinda going with it. After Elias died almost four months ago, it kind of gives us something to be excited about and look forward to. We really need that.

I have told my DH that July 4th we're spilling it. He wants to wait 'til the 2nd trimester but there's no way. I'm about 5 weeks along right now and look more like 25.

[typebug]

I've told one of my friends here and my two best friends back home. We just told our parents on the phone at the end of the 6th week. It took ages to find a time of day when they'd be home and awake while we were home and awake. Ended up setting alarms in the middle of the night to do it and going back to bed! It was worth it though. We each took a turn telling each of my husband's parents and then we had my folks both on the phone and us on speakerphone to tell them. Both sets were excited as hell. The reaction from my father in law was priceless. He just kept saying "oh wow, oh wow!" I figure I'm going to be busted as soon as I can't disguise the fact that I'm not ordering wine when I go out. Even our usual servers are suspicious when they ask me "the usual?" and I say no.

[loveandgarbage]

I'm unsure of when to tell-- usually we'd wait til 12 weeks but my sister is getting married later this month and I'll see a lot of family. I thought I'd be 12 wks but I'll be 11. I guess it's not that much different. I just know that when I see my aunt I'll spill the beans. My MIL will also be around and we'll tell her then, too. I asked my sister about it because I didn't want to take attention away from her, but she said PLEASE take attention away from me . I just feel weird about telling too many people before I've told my dad and stepmom. As I think I mentioned upthread I'm nervous about their reaction, which will most likely be negative. They will be in full stress mode before the wedding so I don't want to add to that. So... who knows what I will do.

[Chloe'sMama]

We have told both sets of parents and my sister and her family. I have 1 friend that i have told too. I think i want to wait until the gender reveal to make the big announcement. I think we may something like.... baby 3 is a

---

and will be joining our family in early feb.

[whoabethy]

Since we used a known donor, I flew back home with to try and get pregnant. DD came with me. Pretty much my entire family knew why I was in town, so after the 2WW I started getting texts asking me what the test results were. So much for secrets!

I saw my brother last week (he lives on the west coast, we're in the midwest) and he was like, "Um....are you still........?" LOL!
 

[kittn]

we told the kids last week. We anticipated the oldest being upset, and he wasn't thrilled but it was OK. My MIL was told by one of our kids to minimize reaction. We are quiverful and she doesn't get it at all. We knew she wasn't going to be happy. My mother said she would only be happy if I quit my job and my dad lectured me about my health. DH was thrilled beyond belief (he always is)
we did then put a picture of Grace in a BIG SISTER shirt on facebook and let people figure it out

[etsdtm99]

Since i had the u/s monday night, we told the kids and my parents yesterday ..  at 8 weeks, i've never told my parents that late, or hte kids that early ..    my mom said "oh no!" when my 6 year old told her  and my DD quickly responded 'not oh no, its a baby, this is good!"  she acted excited and VERY surprised after that, which was as good of a reaction as i could have ever expected... we'll see if it sticks, usually she holds it together at first and then gets worried as time goes on ..  my dad was so excited. i knew he would be supportive but he was nearly in tears he was so excited. i wish he was going to be around for more of the pregnancy but he goes back to work on the other side of the country in 2 weeks and won't be back until next summer.