Well, Ezra is 5 weeks old now and doing great! He is so different than my first, but I still find myself comparing. Ezra is a really calm, easy-going guy so far. But there are still times where he starts to fuss and I can't get to him right away because I am helping Sol. I feel so bad about this because Sol never fussed for any length of time. I always dropped what I was doing and went to him. Sol is almost 3 and very understanding about the baby needing mama. But, when Sol is crying because he skinned his knee and I am comforting him, I just can't bring myself to put him down and go to the baby all of a sudden. So Ezra sometimes fusses for 2 or 3 minutes until I can gently transition Sol and go to him. He doesn't freak out or anything, just fussing, but it still makes me feel so bad!
Sol didn't put himself asleep until he was probably 18 months old. I nursed him or rocked him to sleep until then. Ezra will nurse, get sleepy, unlatch, and then start fussing and kicking his little legs. If I keep holding him it turns into a full on meltdown. If I lay him down in his bassinet he will coo quietly for a minute or two and fall asleep on his own. I know I should probably be thanking God that he does this, but it makes me feel guilty and question myself. It seems like that's what he wants, but how can a newborn really just want you to leave them alone. ?
I am also struggling because I feel so differently this time around. When Sol was born I fell head over heels in love with him and my whole world changed. With Ezra I feel so... anticlimatic I guess. I just don't feel super emotional about the little man. I mean, I love him. It's not that I have any negative or spiteful feelings towards him, he's just... there. Maybe it is because I was a mom already and so my whole world didn't change? I just don't have that earth-shattering feeling, you know? I'm hoping that I'll be more attached as he grows and I get to know his little personality better? Anyway, this is another source of guilt/wondering if something is wrong with me.
Anybody experience something similar? Advice? BTDT? At the very least I need someone to tell me that I am not scarring Ezra for life by not answering his fussing within 10 seconds. (: I'm just working through it all and knew you lovely mamas would have some encouragement for me!