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Not including my MIL - Page 2

post #21 of 27
Originally Posted by alaskanmomma View Post

My MIL is a pain in the...ya know.. and I've had her present at two labors, and just wanted to punch her in the face(to put it lightly). She's just beyond annoying when I'm not pregnant and in labor, add on the intensity when I -am-.  I do NOT want her there for our homebirth, but DH is mad that I don't. As I see it the people I want present are: myself, DH, midwife and her assistant, doula, and the kids. MAYBE my best friend if I feel the kids need someone to distract them, but I'm hoping for another middle of the night birth or the neighbors(we're close friends and right across the hall) to take them if need be. I don't want to call ANYONE, not just my MIL until a few hours after the birth. Is this being selfish? 

I made my MIL wait a week LOL

post #22 of 27

I can't imagine inviting anyone to a birth, and I'm not even on "bad" terms with my MIL.

We warn everyone ahead of time that we'll want a few days to ourselves, I'm super good about posting photos online for everyone in the meantime...


After my first, despite not wanting any visitors, everyone came to visit at the hospital and I found it so draining. Then they all converged on our house and although I just wanted to nap with the baby, they all wanted to sit around and visit.

After that we learned our lesson.  Seriously, if someone showed up, we just wouldn't answer the door.

I am very thankful that my DH totally gets this, and appreciates our time alone to figure out our new family dynamic.


Regardless...especially for a home birth where there aren't any nurses to shoo people into the waiting area, I would not be comfortable having extra people around.

post #23 of 27

My births are attended by DH, Midwives and a student. There will be plenty of time for MIL (and anyone else) to see the new baby; when I am naked, squatting on a bed and pushing said baby out is not one of them!


Hopefully your DH has let it go since your last comment to him?


ETA: Sarcasm aside, our view is birth is a precious and private experience, not a show for others to enjoy. I think DH and I deserve to be the first ones to meet this little miracle we have created and enjoy the first few minutes of his life, his first breaths, first cry, etc. I wouldn't want to share that amazing moment with anyone else but DH.

Edited by Ms Rabbit - 6/26/12 at 1:31pm
post #24 of 27
I don't homebirth but I feel strongly that birth was not meant to be a spectator sport. No way would I have anyone in the room that I did not completely love/trust.
post #25 of 27

Have him read this and get back to you :)





 A shocking number of husbands do not understand just how much they are asking for when they demand MIL be allowed in the delivery room.  DH and I have discussed posts here and he once commented that men just don't have anything to compare it to.  Guys haven't grown up hearing stories about delivery stalling out or what exactly constitutes a 4th degree tear.  (Not an excuse!)  Anyway, I don't claim to be a guru but maybe the following could help somebody get through to a misguided but otherwise decent DH.

Here's a little visualization technique I like to call Scrotum Squats.


You agreed 9 (10!) months ago to a round of Scrotum Squats.  At some time in the next couple of weeks, you will pee yourself or receive some other signal that it is Squats time.  You rush to the hospital where a nurse clamps a weight to your scrotum.  Every 5 minutes you must do squats for 15 seconds.  You can sit in between.  (Good luck getting comfortable!)  Over time you will have less resting time and longer squatting time.  There will be absolutely NO removal of the weight at any time...even if you have to pee.  Oh, did I mention you have to do this in a gaping hospital gown?  A nurse will come inspect your swelling nuts every once in awhile.  (Pray for the gentle one!)  After 10 hours, the event will culminate in somebody yanking the clamp off without loosing it.  Don't worry, if you tear they will stitch you up!

Optional procedure:

You may invite your FIL to help/witness your Squats.  Any time his eyes stray to your tormented balls or he irritates you in any way, your Squats timer has a 1 in 5 chance of increasing by an additional 30 minutes.  Please keep in mind that you will be exhausted and in a great deal of discomfort so your irritability will be even higher than usual.

Pay Off:

You agreed to play Scrotum Squats in order to have a lovely little baby with your wonderful wife.


Do you really think it would be fair for her to whine about wanting her Daddy there while you are busy Squatting your balls off?

post #26 of 27

Alternately, tell him she is welcome to be there, but he is required to be as naked as you are.

post #27 of 27

  If he can tell them no for me, its always easier.  We have a deal, if either one of us wants out of something, we can say the other said no.  Then we debate in private, but it always starts as a united no.  I hope you guys come to a good understanding.  I initially agreed to MIL at the hospital but it went so quick DH barely made it in time.  Just me....

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