WWYD (regarding leaving baby to go to a wedding) « Back to Group Discussions

[callieollie]

I was invited to a friend's wedding that is in early August.  Emma will be just shy of 3 months then.  I'd love to go, but am hesitant to leave Emma for so long. It's a 2:00 wedding and about an hour drive from here.  With the wedding and reception, even leaving early, we'd probably be out until 8:00 so would be away for awhile.  We  would most likely drive to my ILs and have them babysit so then we wouldn't have to leave as early for the wedding (maybe 1:30 or a little before) and then we could pick Emma up after.  I just hate to leave them for that long when they are so little. I will have gone back to work by then, but am planning to work in shorter spurts (4 or so hours at a time) rather than a long day so if I went to the wedding, that would be the longest I've been away from her. 

Reasons I want to go:

I LOVE weddings. Love what it celebrates, love the food, love dancing.  

It's not a good friend of mine, but one I met years ago at the church group where I met dh. I'm happy for her that she was able to meet someone and is getting married.

It will be nice to see our friends that we don't normally see.  

It might be nice to have a date night with dh.

Reasons I don't want to go:

I feel bad leaving her for so long.  I'd miss her.  :(

I'm afraid I'd worry about her and not have a good time.

I'm afraid she won't be good with bottles (my ds refused them and when I worked 6-8 hours he would eat nothing and be starving until I got home). I hate to willingly do that to Emma.  

I'd have to pump. I wouldn't be able to go 8 hours without pumping and I'm not sure where I'd pump at a wedding.  

Because it's far and late, we'd either have to pick up the kids at the ILs and then head home late (when the kids are super fussy) or stay at their house, which is uncomfortable (their mattress is horrible!).  

So, what do you think? What would you do?

[BubbleMa]

I would probably go.  It's important for mamas to have fun and relax, and since your babies will be safe with your ILs I think it would be great for you to go.  :)

Would it be possible to get a hotel room near the wedding?  Your ILs could watch the kids there.  That way they could be close and get to bed at a decent hour.  And you could relax more knowing they were close.  Plus you'd be gone from the baby for a shorter period, and have to pump less.  Since you have a few months, you could probably find a good deal on a room.

[callieollie]

I just looked up the distance - the reception is actually very close to IL's house. Maybe 25-30 minutes away. So maybe I could drive there between the wedding and reception and get one nursing in.  Ugh. I don't know.  Now dh is saying that he doesn't like weddings and was glad that we had a good reason not to go.  

[forestmushroom]

Honestly, I think I would try a shorter date night first and see how that goes... Long drive, being gone for 8 hours, and another long drive doesn't sound like fun--but that is just me. 
 

[MLog]

I think both BubbleMa and Forest have good suggestions.

Is it possible to take Emma along but leave your DS with the ILs?  Some brides and grooms don't mind if you bring your infant, they just don't want the older kids running around and it's not like you'd need a seat at a table or meal for Emma.  If you feel comfortable doing so, you may want to consider asking your friend, hopefully in a way that doesn't make her feel obligated.

[cookie_]

I like MLog's suggestion. I brought my 3 month old to a friend's wedding, and it worked out pretty well. I nursed before the ceremony, then sat in the back so I could duck out quickly if needed (but didn't) and then he just kind of hung out at the table with us and got lots of coos and love from our friends. However...easier said than done in your case, perhaps, since the wedding we went to was in our city and just needed a 20 minute car ride to and from.

[Sky]

I'm with Cookie, we have gone to many of wedding dinner parties etc... with the newborn DD1 and DS when they were newborn. at the weddings or ceremonies we sat in the back of the church or place etc.. Honestly we never leave our newbies with anyone unless it is one of us maybe MIL for an hour tops but I can't even remember any time that happened.  DH and I are on the same page with not leaving newbies, with me EBF etc.. When I go to the gym I do leave baby with DH for about 1.5 hrs but I have pumped. We just don't feel comfortable leaving newbie thats just us... we still have enjoyed all the times we went out to functions with the baby with us even a nice dinner together etc..its easy to feed him/her and still talk to DH and have time at a dinner etc with each other because the baby doesn't talk yet so they can't interupt they just nurse . sleep. be held  by one of us, no issue, LOL DH and I even went to dancing with DD1 when she was a baby obviously careful dancing but we have had great date nights and great fun, plus both of us were more relaxed having the babe with us and EBF out is easy for me...

so just my experience, If you want to go alone I would get a room at the wedding like a room right at the function of the reception if its in a hotel or like right near it (not 30 min away) if possible for you DH and the baby and then leave older kiddo with ILs then you could relax at wedding go pump and really have a date night and some quieter time after the wedding with DH, we have done this before and it was very nice.

Enjoy!

[forestmushroom]

Originally Posted by Sky 

I'm with Cookie, we have gone to many of wedding dinner parties etc... with the newborn DD1 and DS when they were newborn. at the weddings or ceremonies we sat in the back of the church or place etc.. Honestly we never leave our newbies with anyone unless it is one of us maybe MIL for an hour tops but I can't even remember any time that happened.  DH and I are on the same page with not leaving newbies, with me EBF etc.. When I go to the gym I do leave baby with DH for about 1.5 hrs but I have pumped. We just don't feel comfortable leaving newbie thats just us... we still have enjoyed all the times we went out to functions with the baby with us even a nice dinner together etc..its easy to feed him/her and still talk to DH and have time at a dinner etc with each other because the baby doesn't talk yet so they can't interupt they just nurse . sleep. be held  by one of us, no issue, LOL DH and I even went to dancing with DD1 when she was a baby obviously careful dancing but we have had great date nights and great fun, plus both of us were more relaxed having the babe with us and EBF out is easy for me...

so just my experience, If you want to go alone I would get a room at the wedding like a room right at the function of the reception if its in a hotel or like right near it (not 30 min away) if possible for you DH and the baby and then leave older kiddo with ILs then you could relax at wedding go pump and really have a date night and some quieter time after the wedding with DH, we have done this before and it was very nice.

Enjoy!

this is funny... because this is what we do, too!  If we have a date out, we always take the baby... it is still relaxing because there is no chatter. LOL