What is one, most imp. life skill you would recommend?

[Neera]

Hi,

I feel like I am lacking in various life skills. I could write a page here about the things I find missing in myself but instead I want to hear from you about a life skill that is most important to you. Just one please. If I limit it to one I know it will be the one that you think is one that is an absolute must have.

TIA.

[philomom]

I'm not sure what you are looking for here but reading to me is the most important. Because I can read, I can research a topic, read up on topic and teach myself new things all the time.


other stuff that's important I think..


simple mending
basic car care
first aid and CPR
basic cooking

[Neera]

Hi philomom,

Things like social skills, how to take care of a child or cooking. I can cook. But, most of the time I don't have the patience to cut, chop, clean and I can do a sloppy job or I can do a good job. Where social skills are concerned, I lack in various areas. I sometimes speak out of turn or I have put my foot in my mouth, not recently though. Another thing I don't know how to do is to maintain good, healthy relations with colleagues. I feel like I don't know many things.

[Linda on the move]

I think a foundational life skill is the ability to see the good in situations and people, even ourselves.

Your posts right now are very negative about yourself, and while it is wonderful to be able to be honest about our weaknesses and have a desire to grow and learn, the ability to appreciate and value our strengths is equally important. You are curious and motivated.

(I think this is similar to the trait that lets us see the beauty all around us -- to notice the sky, or pick up on when one person is practicing a random act of kindness for another -- and this ability is tied to a person overall level of happiness in life)

I've no doubt that there practical skills that you would like to develop, but I would argue that unless and until you develop the ability to celebrate where you are right now, you will never be happy with yourself, because no matter how much you learn, you will always see other things that you could learn, things that you could get better at.

The place where we can be happy with ourselves as we are, while we enjoy learning and growing, is, IMHO, true emotional health.

the reason to learn and grow isn't so that we can be OK as humans, but just because it is fun, it's lovely.

Peace

[Emaye]

I think the ability to emotionally bounce back quickly from setbacks a very important life skill. 

[Neera]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

I think a foundational life skill is the ability to see the good in situations and people, even ourselves.

Your posts right now are very negative about yourself, and while it is wonderful to be able to be honest about our weaknesses and have a desire to grow and learn, the ability to appreciate and value our strengths is equally important. You are curious and motivated.

(I think this is similar to the trait that lets us see the beauty all around us -- to notice the sky, or pick up on when one person is practicing a random act of kindness for another -- and this ability is tied to a person overall level of happiness in life)

I've no doubt that there practical skills that you would like to develop, but I would argue that unless and until you develop the ability to celebrate where you are right now, you will never be happy with yourself, because no matter how much you learn, you will always see other things that you could learn, things that you could get better at.

The place where we can be happy with ourselves as we are, while we enjoy learning and growing, is, IMHO, true emotional health.

the reason to learn and grow isn't so that we can be OK as humans, but just because it is fun, it's lovely.

Peace

Thanks. Makes sense. But, I notice my family finds faults with me. My brother chides me for not letting him speak or finish what he's saying and to try and make efforts to say things in a better way. I am criticized for being too direct. DH will express his unhappiness at how I am dealing with dd. Things like that. I do appreciate many things about myself and I have fought for how I am. But, really, being positive needs to be balanced with a reality check.

Edited by Neera - 6/5/12 at 3:07pm

[Neera]

Originally Posted by Emaye 

I think the ability to emotionally bounce back quickly from setbacks a very important life skill. 

Thanks.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Neera 

My brother chides me for not letting him speak or finish what he's saying and to try and make efforts to say things in a better way. I am criticized for being too direct.

I needed to work on conversation skills as an adult, too. I found this book very helpful:

http://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-A-Language-Life/dp/1892005034/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1338927911&sr=8-1

It teaches how to respond to what someone else is saying in such a way that they feel truly heard and understood.

[CI Mama]

Originally Posted by Emaye 

I think the ability to emotionally bounce back quickly from setbacks a very important life skill. 

This is similar to what I was thinking...resilience. Being able to bounce back from experiences (good or bad) and re-focus on what's important. Having resources (relationships, skills, support, etc.) that can help you through setbacks.

[Neera]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

I needed to work on conversation skills as an adult, too. I found this book very helpful:

http://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-A-Language-Life/dp/1892005034/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1338927911&sr=8-1

It teaches how to respond to what someone else is saying in such a way that they feel truly heard and understood.

Thanks, will take a look.

[lilyka]

I was going to say conversational skills.  It seems like something so few people have.  And the ones who do really shine.  Learning how to be a good listener, knowing what controversial topics to avoid in casual conversations (verses thing you would talk about with intimate friends), knowing when to stop going on about yourself, how to introduce yourself in a non awkward way.

Manners.  They are so much more important than people think.

I think good grammar is an important life skill.

Job interview skills.

Knowing how to dress appropriately for different occasions. I know it sounds silly but this is a skill I lack.  

Knowing how to be content.  I think a lot of people suffer from a lack of contentment.

[tropicana]

empathy.

you can have empathy for others, and you should also have it for yourself.

i haven't looked at your old posts, but if you are letting others' perceptions of you color your feelings for yourself, you might want to reevaluate THEIR manners. it is not really your brother's place to tell you how to "rephrase" your comments. yes, people interrupt from time to time. maybe you do need to work on that. maybe those who criticize you aren't exactly perfect either.

by all means, continue to work on yourself. make lists. journal. write down the things you'd like to improve. there is POWER in doing this for yourself. then, set to work on self improvement.

life is one huge long opportunity for self improvement.

for ALL of us. everyone.

you may find that by the time some years pass, the things that troubled you now, are no longer issues.

how old are you, by the way, if i may ask?

i went through a lot of feelings like you have, back when i was in my 20s. now that i've come through some tough times in my life. i've emerged a stronger person. i'm in my early -to -mid 40s now, and i don't worry so much what other people think anymore...

[HappyHappyMommy]

I think the ability to know what's right for you and set necessary boundaries is an essential life skills. Jennifer Louden (who is a life coach) has a question in one of her books that might be helpful to you: "Am I doing something for someone else that I need to be doing for myself?"
 

[Neera]

Originally Posted by tropicana 

i haven't looked at your old posts, but if you are letting others' perceptions of you color your feelings for yourself, you might want to reevaluate THEIR manners. it is not really your brother's place to tell you how to "rephrase" your comments. yes, people interrupt from time to time. maybe you do need to work on that. maybe those who criticize you aren't exactly perfect either.

Well, sometimes he does that out of frustration. He might say something like, "You don't let me finish what I am saying," but at other times he is more civil. I know that it is an attempt to change who I am. It used to upset me. But now I think I can't control what they say. I also think since he is family maybe they are allowing me to learn something that my friends or acquaintacnes aren't going to tell me. I take it as an opportunity to improve myself without letting it bother me. Btw, Dh has felt the same way too - about me being a bad listener - but I haven't heard him say that recently.

I love your idea of making a journal of sel-improvement ideas.

And I think it is not so much an age thing. I am not a good receiver of positive criticism.

Thanks.

[Neera]

I'd like to add to my original question and would like to hear about work skills or any books or links pointing me in that direction. I know I don't have interview skills but am better than I used to be years ago. 

Thanks.

[HappyHappyMommy]

Originally Posted by Neera 

I'd like to add to my original question and would like to hear about work skills or any books or links pointing me in that direction. I know I don't have interview skills but am better than I used to be years ago. 

Thanks.

These books are more on life skills rather than work skills, but I think you might like them:

--Comfort Secrets for Busy Women: Finding Your Way When Your Life Is Overflowing (http://www.amazon.com/Comfort-Secrets-Busy-Women-Overflowing/dp/1402201265/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1340040247&sr=8-1&keywords=Comfort+Secrets+for+Busy+Women%3A+Finding+Your+Way+When+Your+Life+Is+Overflowing or http://jenniferlouden.com/shop_books/)

--The Life Organizer Book and Companion CD (http://www.amazon.com/The-Life-Organizer-Womans-Mindful/dp/1577315545/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1340040479&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Life+Organizer+jennifer+louden or http://jenniferlouden.com/shop_books/)

--The Places That Scare You (http://www.amazon.com/The-Places-That-Scare-You/dp/1590304497/ref=as_li_wdgt_ex?&linkCode=wey&tag=zenamoon)

--The Exquisite Risk: Daring to Live an Authentic Life (http://www.amazon.com/The-Exquisite-Risk-Daring-Authentic/dp/0307335844/ref=as_li_wdgt_ex?&linkCode=wey&tag=zenamoon)

I'll try to think of some books on work skills.

[Neera]

Thanks, Happy Mommy.

[AdinaL]

For me, self reliance. Knowing that I can live alone, function on my own and without help from anyone else. Having structure to be able to parent on my own if I have to. I have a wonderful husband, and wouldn't want to live without him - but knowing that I can if I absolutely had to is a huge deal for me.

[Emaye]

Originally Posted by AdinaL 

For me, self reliance. Knowing that I can live alone, function on my own and without help from anyone else. Having structure to be able to parent on my own if I have to. I have a wonderful husband, and wouldn't want to live without him - but knowing that I can if I absolutely had to is a huge deal for me.

Yes. This. I have been working on this.  I struggle with the fear of being alone.  I am especially terrified of being alone in old age. 

[Kathi Mora]

Here are a few skills which i think one should possess:

1. Self-Management

2. Decision Making

3. Proper utilization of time.

4. Critical Thinking

5. Patience.