37 weeks. im a first timer, i thought i had everything planned out and now i am rethinking everything. im lost in my head. i just stare into space a lot, and i cry ALOT. i haven't been eating well. i am usually alspee my now, but im wide awake just staring at the ceiling freaking out.
I just want to keep her safe, which is what any mother wants, but im doubting my decision making, and i don't always want to be this anxious about everything. i don't want to turn her into a bubble boy bc of my anxieties!
this part is very difficult, isn't it? im in limbo. im scared of labor, but i feel confident in myself. i don't know what to expect, though.
i keep thinking, have i done enough? did i do everything i could to ensure a healthy baby? and of course the answer is no. i could have done beter, eaten better, exercised more, done more kegals, better research about infant care, blah blah blah, and here we go! im caught in the downward spiral again!
how can i teach my daughter to be a peaceful positive person when i can't calm myself down? I'm just hoping that I will see her for the first time and everything will be ok. that the breath ive been holding for a solid week will be exhaled, and peace will find me.
i feel like such a debbie downer. i really am a positive person, i am just fraught with anxiety over this incredible transition. plus, the various nuances of pregnancy have made me a little grumpy.
Yeah. I totally understand. These sound like very normal late-pregnancy feelings (for me, at least. this is my 4th). I think it's important to let your mind think through those things that worry you, to let your fears wash over you, and then subside. Remember that, especially in giving birth for the first time, you are not only giving birth to your baby, but becoming a new person- a mother- yourself. Your feelings are new, but will be with you for a long, long time.
And, of course, remember that nature has this planned out- the first stages of your daughter's life are very basic. She will want YOU, and she will want to eat and sleep. There will be plenty of time for you to grow together, so take heart. You'll be great.