Secondary Infertility (so far) Mamas - Page 3

[mamasee]

Hi to you all,

I have not been on Mothering for a long time and just thought I'd check in for some moral support and found this thread.  I am 45, our dd is 7, my dh is 48.  Our biggest challenge is erectile dysfunction.  I have gotten pretty good at charting and knowing when it would be a good time to try and then he is unable to provide the semen.  It is so frustrating for both of us.  He talked about trying something like Viagra, but we are also searching for other options.  

For me, it is getting frustrating because I feel like I am doing so much to optimize our chances (diet, herbs, yoga, charting, next week starting acupuncture) and he clearly is not as obsessed as I am and he's embarrassed and frustrated about his inability to perform when needed.

Any ideas or anyone have this challenge?

Thanks,

Cindy

[happy2bamama]

Hi Cindy and welcome :)

It can be frustrating when we feel like we're the ones doing all the stuff to make it happen and our DH's aren't taking on the same responsibility - especially when it may be their piece of the puzzle that's needing some attending to. When my DH got tested and it came back that there were some things to fix, I felt relieved in a way. Relieved that it wasn't just me. But I can also see how it might be frustrating and embarrassing for your DH to be facing this too. Open communication is always my best bet. Having frank (and sometimes awkward) conversations usually gets DH and I on the same page. How do you feel about validating his possible feelings of frustration and embarrassment and then letting him know how much you love him and think he's a manly man (or whatever he might be worried about) and then having a discussion about how he can help the situation?

I have a friend whose husband used Viagra because the TTC sex was too much for him to handle. They ended up getting pregnant that cycle! It has been our joke that it was the Viagra, although who knows. I'm sure there are plenty of people using Viagra who aren't getting pregnant.

Hugs to you :)

[mamasee]

Thanks so much for welcoming me.  We did have a talk about it - you know it's hard to talk about conceiving a child when you have a seven year old around most of the time and you are not planning to tell her about what you're up to!  I am not planning to share it with her until we are pretty far along in a pregnancy.  My husband is going to get Viagra!  I never thought I'd be in this place doing this, but here we go.

Have any of you read Julia Indichova's book "The Fertile Female?"  I found it very inspiring and am re-reading it now.  She also went through secondary infertility and then went on to conceive at, I believe, age 43.

I also looked online and Wikipedia has a whole page on women who have conceived past age 40 both with and without ART.  That gives me hope.

[happy2bamama]

mamasee - that's exciting about Viagra!! My friend said that, well, how do I put this, she was kind of horrified by how hard it was. Just to warn you. But hey, if it gets the job done - great!

And, when I got pregnant with my DS (he's 5.5 now), in my birthing class there was a 50-year-old woman who had two teenage girls, was divorced and had a younger guy she fooled around with. She thought she was in menopause, but nope, she (and he) ended up my birthing class!! She had a great pregnancy and great labor too. It always inspires me when I feel like I'm getting too old to do this - 50!!