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Let's talk about it - JUNE! - Page 3

post #41 of 94

My MIL has already named the baby, and just knows its going to be a boy. It has INFURIATED me  to no end! Ugh!


The last birth we had both my mil and my mother there, this birth it will be my DH me and my daughter if she so chooses, and then the MW or Dr. Thats it. Im not worrying about anyone else this time. LORD!


Glad to know im not the only one with overly "helpfull" mother LOL!

post #42 of 94

Wow, I guess it is not so unusual for Grandmothers-to-be to get all upstagey and problematic at births.  My mom *really* wanted to be there for my son's birth, and I was happy for her to visit (she lives far away) and be there, but I wasn't too keen on the idea of her being in my face while I was laboring.  I was right in predicting that I would want to be by myself a lot without interference, and just the thought of my mom staring at me while I was trying to give birth made me anxious.  I love my mom, but she has always been very judgmental about how I look and pretty insensitive in her comments about my body.


I asked my midwives to keep an eye on her, and they mostly kept her occupied in the waiting/living room while I stayed in the bathroom with my husband.  However, I walked into the bedroom/birthing room and there she was, staring at my naked stretch marked body and I think I actually shouted in alarm and went back in the bathroom.  Apparently she was so offended that she wouldn't come in when invited to actually see the baby coming out.  She said I "didn't want her there" even though I had said it was fine to invite her in. I was focused on HAVING A BABY, which was a very new and all-encompassing experience for me, and not on how she was feeling about it all.  Even at the time though, I had a vague "her loss" thought and then concentrated on pushing out my son.  If only that were the end of it!  However, I hear about it every time we mention my son's birth, when I talk about other people's births, and even birth in general.  How she was "so disappointed" and "really wanted to be there for that part".  I still want to just tell her it's her own fault, but that would probably just add to the situation. . .


This time I hope she will come to visit again, as she was very helpful the days before and the week after the baby was born, but I don't know what to say about the actual birth part. greensad.gif

post #43 of 94

I'm taking notes on what NOT to be like when one of my babies has a baby. notes2.gif

I have my NT scan in the morning. I'm really really nervous. bigeyes.gif

post #44 of 94

OMG, Type therapy time for me!


My mother is dead.  Which is probably for the best in terms of my birthing self (she died before i had kids, when i was 24).  She was a powerful woman and i am much MORE powerful in her "matriarch of the family" shoes than i was as her daughter.  She would have had opinions on my first homebirth, because she had 3 homebirths but NOT for a first baby.  She would possibly not have believed i could do it drug free.  I think she'd have found it hard to be good birth support without telling me what to do or trying to control what everyone was doing.


My first birth was me, XP (DP back then), 2 mw's and a friend (who actually missed it because DD arrived so suddenly).  DD2's birth was me, DP, my mw, a student mw (only there to observe - i laboured too fast for my mw to even manage to call her back-up) and MY dad.  It was perfect, i'd aim for that again, though i'm a bit worried about arranging it because my dad is 300miles away and i'm due mid-January, which in the UK isn't necessarily a problem but MIGHT be.


Last time my FIL was really annoyed at us because DD was born on Friday morning, and i wanted to rest the rest of the day, then on Saturday i got up too soon and didn't eat near enough and made myself feel really poorly, so it was Sunday afternoon before i felt up to having the IL's visit.  FIL kept going on about how they'd seen their other grandchild at 12 hours old, and had to wait TWO DAYS with ours.  Eventually i was like "you can see her every day for the rest of your life, shut up about the first few days, they're GONE now!".  The most annoying thing was i'd floated with them the idea of them coming to the birth, but MIL really didn't want to and (it turns out) FIL felt it wasn't "his place" to say yes when she'd said no.


Anyway this time it'll be DP, DD1 if she wants to (she wants to announce the sex so she'll be in the house anyway so she can dash in at the critical moment), the MW (fingers crossed tight it's my IM!), my dad and a female friend (to keep DD2 occupied and DD1 company if she decides not to bother).  I'm going to have the IL's come asap this time, because for all i "couldn't face" them coming when i felt tired/ill last time, when they DID come they were very sweet, unobtrusive, brought soup and took away dirty washing, and stayed about 30minutes or less (so basically completely perfect guests for the post-partum woman!).  My poor MIL, who had hospital births and very middle of the road choices in most things even took away the towels i'd given birth on and washed the ick and blood out of them, bless her.


Anyway, i had a great dream last night.  I was having the baby, and was in the bedroom on the bed with my MW, DP, Dad and DD1 around me.  I said to DP "ok, i'm gonna do it now", and he was like "NOW!?" and i was like "Yup, now, can you grab me some dark coloured towels" and he started faffing, asking me "which ones?" and saying "oh do you think that's a good idea, right THERE!?" (i was on the bed without a liner or sheet, just our normal bedding - i gave birth on a shower curtain both times before).  And i put my hand down and felt that magical feeling of hard fuzzy skull amongst the soft fleshiness between my legs and decided the faff was too much effort, and said "i need the bathroom anyway!".  As i walked away i heard my midwife laugh and say to DP "she won't come back alone!".  I got to the bathroom, shut the door, knelt down and shoved a towel and our deep fluffy purple bathrug between my knees then caught my long, skinny, black-haired baby as it slid out, noticing how it turned when the head was out to get its shoulders out (my other two didn't!).  I turned her over and she was a she, with beautiful dark eyes and hair.  She get a surprised yell then looked at me.  It was totally magic.  Then i calmly got up and staggered back into the bedroom with her against my belly and a big smile on my face and woke up to my IM laughing "I told you!" as she bustled over to help sort us out.


The only fly in this ointment is that MIL has already started going on about how "boys are better" (IN FRONT of my fantastic GIRLS!) and my first thought on waking, before i realised it was a dream, was that she was gonna be MAD at another girl.  It's not really a fly though, DP and i love girls, so another girl would be brilliant for us (and a boy would be most welcome too).


Wow that was a lot of therapy!

post #45 of 94

I certainly appreciate the chance for some type therapy and am happy to read other people's--it's nice to know that a lot of people are going through some versions of the same problems with their families.


And I am also taking notes on what not to be as the mother/mother-in-law of a laboring woman!

post #46 of 94
Originally Posted by kawa kamuri View Post

I'm taking notes on what NOT to be like when one of my babies has a baby. notes2.gif

I have my NT scan in the morning. I'm really really nervous. bigeyes.gif



Good luck tomorrow, kawa! Fingers crossed everything looks perfect!


I had my first appointment this morning and everything went really well, I'm SO relieved. Midwife found the baby's heartbeat almost instantaneously, which I wasn't expecting since I'm only about 9 weeks. :) Since I'm sure I'm 9 weeks, but my LMP date lines up to me being farther along than that (I know I'm not), I'll be going in on Friday for a quick dating scan to get my due date locked in so I don't risk out in either direction when the time for birthing comes. :)

post #47 of 94
Originally Posted by 2sweetgrrls View Post



Good luck tomorrow, kawa! Fingers crossed everything looks perfect!


Indeed. Baby looks great. Thank you!!

post #48 of 94
Hubby and I met with 2 midwives today, and they were both so incredibly nice! We had a lot in common with the first just on a personal level, and her birth philosophy is really in tune with mine. The second was also very nice and "motherly" feeling to me. We're leaning heavily towards the first right now though, and we have one more to meet on Thursday. I bought my fishy pool and RV hose to fill it today too smile.gif Starting to feel more real now!
post #49 of 94
Clarasmama - how fun to interview midwives, I don't have enough options to interview any, but luckily my midwife from last time took me as a client and I just love her. We had our first appointment today also and it went really well. I found out I have only gained 5 pounds so I was happy about that because I was sure I had gained 15 or so. I can't wait to go back in 3 weeks and see how much more my body had changed. She is convinced this baby is a girl, so i can't wait to find out if she was right, with our son she guessed his gender and birth weight perfectly and we did not do ultrasounds so there was no cheating.
post #50 of 94
Pogo, it was really neat! That's so funny that your midwife just "knew" last time, one of our best friends also "knew" it was a girl for us smile.gif I'll ask him again this time what he thinks. A boy would be nice just to have one of each, but if we have another girl we already have a perfect wardrobe and she can share a room with DD!
post #51 of 94
I am ok with either a boy or girl, I would like a girl because then I would have someone to sew pretty dresses for and I could paint her toes, in all honesty I paint my sons toes now because he asks me to when I am doing mine but my brother keeps asking me if I know he's a boy lol. And luckily I have an entire wardrobe for a girl because my friend has girls, and I have almost all of my sons stuff still so I am good either way!
post #52 of 94
Haha, I'm the same way with knitting! I can't stop knitting for DD already (she's in 2t sizes right now), and there are so many ridiculously cute things to knit for girls! I've found some things I like for boys too, but not as many.
post #53 of 94

I've seen my midwife 2 times now. Still not picking up a heartbeat. I'm 11 weeks so I know it is still early, but it's a bit stressful. I took another pregnancy test and it turned almost immediately. I'll go have an U/S tomorrow, for peace of mind. I need it right now. 

post #54 of 94
Originally Posted by FigNoel View Post

I've seen my midwife 2 times now. Still not picking up a heartbeat. I'm 11 weeks so I know it is still early, but it's a bit stressful. I took another pregnancy test and it turned almost immediately. I'll go have an U/S tomorrow, for peace of mind. I need it right now. 


We didn't pick up a heartbeat at 11w either. I did have the NT scan the following week and all was well. Hang in there heartbeat.gif

post #55 of 94
I just learned to knit last winter, I have only made wash cloths so far and I am not very good with my stitches but hopefully I will get better so I can knit some things for this baby.

Fignoel - we could not hear the heartbeat on Tuesday when I went in and I was 2 days shy of 11 weeks, it made me a bit sad but midwife says everything looks normal so I'm not worried. I could have done an ultrasound right then but I didn't feel the need. It's sad though because you want to hear you baby so bad and you can't. I hope everything goes well when you go in for your ultrasound.
post #56 of 94
So much fun in my family right now. My cousin is also pregnant, just about exactly four weeks behind me. We grew up as best friends so being pregnant together is fantastic. It's going to be so good to have someone to talk to who knows exactly what is going on.
post #57 of 94

I'm excited to find out that one of my best friends is 5 wks pregnant - so we're just 6 weeks apart.  It's funny because we'd both thought a few years back that we wouldn't be having any more kids and now here we are again - at the same time.  (All our other kids match up as well - in number and age - so it's pretty funny.)

post #58 of 94

How fun!

I was pregnant around the same time as a good friend of mine with DS2.  She's trying for her second, so we may end up pregnant together again, and my little sister is trying for her first.  :) 





Just about 11 weeks and have a small bump now. 


Had my first MW appointment last week at 10 weeks. I've gained 8-9 pounds already, but I'm not a bit surprised by that (I'm a big gainer).  

It was an unexciting visit. Tried to hear the heartbeat but couldn't. She offered to have me come back in at 12 weeks to try but I'll just wait until my appointment at 14 weeks. 


The nausea is letting up some and I'll have a full day here and there where I'm not nauseous at all.  It now usually only hits me in the evenings. After battling severe nausea/vomiting in my previous two pregnancies I'm still baffled that I haven't thrown up once this time. 


I'm starting to get girl feelings. I'm not sure how much of that is my own intuition or the fact that every single person I know, especially my in-laws, wants me to have a girl and will not stop talking about it. Every thing I say about this pregnancy right now is usually followed with a "maybe it's a girl!" from whoever I'm talking to. 

post #59 of 94

I've been getting the same thing! I personally have a hunch it's girls. But, who knows. I'm 8-9ish weeks...we still haven't determined a real date yet just because well, it's most likely more than 1. So, I've been TIRED and after wasting a few more minutes online I"m going to bed for a bit while the boys are napping.  I look like I'm already 14 weeks pregnant so it's a bit insane. My body usually hides it forever, not this time. I look SO pregnant. My MIL was like, whoa, you're big! I'm like, gee thanks!


All in all feeling good. Tired and sick of my nose being congested. Ugh...things with the 3 yo are definitely better this week so that's good. :-) i think he got nervous because I was so ill a couple weeks ago and was trying to process it without saying so. Such a tricky thing at this age.

post #60 of 94

Definitely starting to feel better as well, way less fatigue (still napping) but able to go for walks and work at the office now instead of at home! :)


Prenatal yesterday, only gained 2 lbs at 11 weeks! I felt as if I've gained at least 7 or 8, and my stomach has definitely grown in the past week, but still, only 2 lbs. I thought I was popping out but Dr said she couldn't feel my uterus yet, so not quite. Just weight re-distribution I guess!


My partner's two daughters seem to think its a boy - not sure if its a hunch or wishful thinking on their part :)

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