How many pairs of trousers does a 10yo girl need?

[Cavy]

Nearly all of DD's clothes are cast offs from friends or charity shop/jumble sale bargains, which she has happily accepted, luckily her friends are fashion conscious (as is DD).  She wears school uniform, we never go any where fancy, she is happy climbing trees, she will wear the same thing for days if they don't get mucky, just doesn't need a lot of clothes.

I am not a minimalist & I like my stuff, but I am aware it's a burden so want to reduce our possessions whenever possible.  So I try not to buy anything if I can help it.  I am aware that I generally only spend a pittance on DD's wardrobe & so tend to indulge if she says she wants something specific, BUT

Dd has 2 prs of jeans plus 2 other pink trousers plus tracksuit bottoms.  I judge that's enough & she doesn't need any more.  She wants a pair of bright orange trousers like her best friend just got from Next.

Only way I can go to Next is to haul along badly behaved DSs who will be bored & play up & moan "Why don't you buy me something!?" (they really don't need any clothes).  So I said maybe another day, but not today, probably not for a while even, & maybe not ever, could she go try on the orange jeans for herself.

Am I big fat meanie or being sensible?

[Cavy]

Probably these ones:

http://www.next.co.uk/g372476s5#812840g37

but I know once we're in the door she'll be Hell-bound to find something else she likes & wants me to buy for her, even if the orange ones aren't in stock.

[JamieCatheryn]

I totally relate, I can't stand taking my kids to a store, especially fancy mall type stores, I just about had a panic attack while I had to go for a dress for myself with them last week. If you know her size or can measure why not buy them there, online? I aim for about 6-7 presentable outfits for each of us, and maybe a couple of at home only older outfits. If we get down to 4 decent outfits it's time to shop (thrift store/charity shop usually but picking through for something good). Of course, my boys get filthy and so do I do nothing lasts more than a day.

[mtiger]

LOL My daughter and I went out yesterday to get me a dress for her HS graduation. Which we did. As well as... shorts (for her). A top to go with (for her). beach towel (for her). Facewash (for her). iPhone/ID case (for her). Car deodorizer (for her). And probably a few other things (for her). LOL

But... she'll be leav ing in two months. I'll spoil her while I can.

[chenchen]

I'm of two minds on this one. On the one hand, I like how accepting she has been of the 2nd hand clothes scenario, and may wish to reward her with an occasional splurge, and £12 isn't a bank-breaker. From that perspective, I might want to treat her.

On the other hand, I think instant gratification with kids and consumerism is a dangerous thing, so I'd be nervous that this might alter her expectations in the future.

As I've been typing this out, I've concluded that I would probably get her the pants, while explaining that this is a special treat and not something to be expected regularly. Does she ever have occasion to go to the shop with a friend? If so, you could give her the money and let her do the shopping. If not, perhaps you could find a friend who would go with you, and could keep an eye on DS while you do the quick errand?

As to the original question of how many they NEED, I guess that depends on how tou they are on their clothes, how often you like to do laundry, and where they have opportunity to wear them. Five pair does seem on the low side to me. DD has about 18 pair (we also thrift store shop, so they were about $1 a pair), which I think is excessive in your case because your DD wears a uniform to school, but I think 7 pair (sweat pants not included) would at least be one pair per day of the week.

[whatsnextmom]

Well, I guess it's sensible but 2 pairs of jeans, 2 pairs of pink pants and track pants don't give her a lot of options. It would really depend on her attitude I suppose. She's been gracious about hand-me-downs and thrift store finds, if she asks for very little and is in general, a well-behaved kid working hard in school... a pair of orange pants (if they fit in the budget) doesn't seem like an unreasonable request. I'd also not want her to be denied something just because her littler siblings are a pill at the mall. 

We just had to purchase all new bottoms for DS 11 after a major growth spurt. I believe we got 3 pairs of jeans, a pair of tan trousers, a dress slacks, 2 daily shorts and 2 sports shorts for basketball.  Outside the dress slacks, everything else gets used regularly. My 15-year-old buys a lot of her own clothing now (she has a job) but at 10, I always made sure she had a full week of bottoms-- combination of jeans, at least 1 skirt, a couple pairs of shorts, and capris. Of course, she didn't have a school uniform which I know takes some of the need for more clothing.

[TiredX2]

I guess I would base my spending decision on what was really holding me back.  Do you not want to get her the pants because her siblings will cause it to be a painful situation?  Or because you just don't want to buy her another pair of pants/ doesn't feel she needs them/etc...?  If the first, can you find a way to get her the pants without having to take siblings along?  If the second, can you help her determine how important the pants are to her and go from there?  (this comment concerned me: "but I know once we're in the door she'll be Hell-bound to find something else she likes & wants me to buy for her, even if the orange ones aren't in stock."--- why do you think that is?  does she feel like she *never* gets something so she needs to grab when she can, does she frequently want more than offerred...?)

Originally Posted by whatsnextmom 

We just had to purchase all new bottoms for DS 11 after a major growth spurt. I believe we got 3 pairs of jeans, a pair of tan trousers, a dress slacks, 2 daily shorts and 2 sports shorts for basketball.  Outside the dress slacks, everything else gets used regularly. My 15-year-old buys a lot of her own clothing now (she has a job) but at 10, I always made sure she had a full week of bottoms-- combination of jeans, at least 1 skirt, a couple pairs of shorts, and capris. Of course, she didn't have a school uniform which I know takes some of the need for more clothing.

This seems about where we are as well (right now DS has one pair of jeans, one pair of khakis, three pairs of track pants and then assorted shorts plus dress slacks--- generally he would have two pairs of jeans, two pairs of khakis and then track pants, dress pants & shorts but it's going into summer and he outgrew his last pants in length so I'm not fully replacing until school next year).  He generally only wants more clothes when he needs them.

DD occassionally wants clothes she doesn't need.  So she gets them as gifts or buys them herself.  Does your DD have an allowance or way to earn money to spend on things she wants?

[One_Girl]

My dd has enough pairs for every day of the week and a few dresses, skirts, and leggings.  I only do laundry once a week and I want to make sure she has enough options to make it without it turning into a negative fight because she doesn't.  If you have time you set aside for each child individually maybe you could bring her to get the pants then.  Otherwise I'd say no and leave it at that.  I don't get my dd things just because her friends have them, I will get her more of something if it is a need though.  It sounds like you may view this as a need but don't want it to be because your younger child is pain to bring shopping. I think you need to decide what is more of a need, the pants or not bringing your youngest child along to get the pants, and go from there.  They can each be valid decisions, especially if you do laundry twice a week.

[chel]

I agree the shopping is hard with the "I wants". I enjoy shopping with a crazed toddler more than my teen.

That being said, depending on your weather, 5-10 pants is my ideal pants # especially with bold colors. Can't wear orange pants 2 days in a row without everyone noting.

[Cavy]

Ta 4 replies, interesting reading!

A lot of the suggestions don't work for us but I appreciate the brainstorming.

Well... we got the orange trousers today + I caved & let her buy a white shirt she totally didn't need, either.

I don't enjoy shopping at best of time & after a while just needed to escape with my sanity intact.

I made suggestion that grandparents will take her clothes shopping when they visit in September (nr DD's birthday, it would be a birthday gift to her, if she wants).

The orange trousers are completely impractical, they are almost neon orange & show every spec of dirt instantly!

It was the bad behaviour of siblings that put me off, & sure enough, they acted up a bit, although DD had some kind of deal going with DS7yo (him of no self-control) such that he wasn't half as bad as he can be.  STILL, he had a sudden mighty tantrum walking home suddenly about how I shouldn't have bought that top for her.  He is an incredibly jealous-competitive child, always comparing & in fierce rivalry with the others.  It wears us all down.

I will argue that purchase of the top was compensation for not buying DD a violin (had said I would, but need to renege because much too expensive!).  DD won't like it but violin offer was stupid on my part & top bought as compensation for me breaking a promise will settle DS's worries.

I saw a book in the library called "Everything about people management I learnt from my kids": I wish I was clever enough to have learnt all those lessons by now. :)

[ollyoxenfree]

Different issues are raised here - 

1. How many pairs of pants are reasonable for a 10 y.o. - I think 6 pairs, rather than 5, are a reasonable number. Certainly not outrageously extravagant. 

2. Buying a "luxury" item - it seems like a fairly benign luxury. I like the bright bold coloured jeans that I've seen lately, especially red - but orange is also a fun colour. If I was 10, I would want a pair too. I think fashion should be fun and there's nothing corrupt about buying a fashionable item, if it's going to be well used and within budget. 

3. Budget - only you can decide if it's within budget. 

4. Buying an item just because her friend has one - It doesn't sound like "I want" or "keeping up with everyone else" is a real problem with her. If, however, this is an ongoing pattern of coveting what others have, then I'd hesitate a little more. 

5. Her brothers behave badly - honestly, while I sympathize with your stress and fatigue, this would be the last reason I'd use to refuse to buy the jeans. I'd try to find some way to deal with the boys, rather than punish her for their bad behaviour. If you are too tired to take her shopping, perhaps she can go with her dad or another family member or a friend.  Since the "target" item has already been identified and located, it's basically a surgical strike shopping mission and pretty easy for someone else to accomplish with her. Or leave the boys with someone while the two of you have a little shopping date together. I know it may not seem like it now, but the day when she goes shopping without you and buys whatever she wants is only a few years away. 

I also think it's a good idea to give her some allowance or find a way for her to start earning some cash so she can buy a few things for herself. 

[ollyoxenfree]

Ah, just saw that I cross-posted with you, and you did go out shopping with her, so it's all moot.  

Hope you can unwind a little with a cup of tea or glass of wine or some other well-deserved treat. Sounds stressful and you should get a little reward too. 

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Cavy 

It was the bad behaviour of siblings that put me off, & sure enough, they acted up a bit,

i suggest that over the next couple of years, you find ways to spend time one-on-one with your daughter doing something she enjoys. I didn't see such a need for this when my girls were children, but by age 12 or so, we really needed the time just to nurture our relationship. As our girls become women, they need a chance to be away from the pack and just talk to mom, but they don't know that they need that so it's easiest to do something with them like, and have the conversation as an unforced side-dish.

[karne]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

i suggest that over the next couple of years, you find ways to spend time one-on-one with your daughter doing something she enjoys. I didn't see such a need for this when my girls were children, but by age 12 or so, we really needed the time just to nurture our relationship. As our girls become women, they need a chance to be away from the pack and just talk to mom, but they don't know that they need that so it's easiest to do something with them like, and have the conversation as an unforced side-dish.

Yes.  Even the car ride to the mall (and I hate malls), is worth it because, at least for us, the car is a great place to talk!  Time limited, the distraction of movement, being able to look straight ahead-oddly enough this all seems to promote conversation and connection.

[Cavy]

That's just it!  I also would have much preferred to have a separate shopping trip just me + DD to buy her jeans & mooch around a bit & hit a cafe just the 2 of us.  But I couldn't do that for a few days, can only go without her brothers when DH is off work (usually weekends).  We already had plans for Wednesday that I didn't want to change (too awkward); it was her insisting that she wanted the jeans ASAP especially as we would physically pass near the shop anyway on Weds.  

She does have her own allowance, but wanted me to pay for the jeans this time as would have cost almost 6 weeks of pocket money for her & she didn't have that much right now.  She has heaps of opportunities to earn extra cash too, but too lazy to bother.

Unfortunately, it wasn't a surgical strike, sure enough she spent about 40 minutes browsing other stuff in there (the Girl Was Born To Shop).  

[Cavy]

ps: I agree that the whole situation touches on the instant gratification consumerism materialism problems of modern culture, I know that's part of why I baulked, too, felt uncomfortable in finding right balance of priorities.

DD is going to Legoland all day on Saturday so come Sunday she'll be too exhausted for shopping, and while in my mind waiting until Saturday 16th June to go shopping wasn't too long a wait, to a ten-yo of course it felt like a lifetime.

[onlyzombiecat]

We only go clothes shopping for dd twice a year really. We would accept clothes that people pass on to us and dd is generally pretty happy about that when it happens.

If a situation like that comes up with my dd where she wants something impractical or we aren't ready to do a clothes shopping trip I would probably tell her that her options are to save up and buy it herself or add it to her wish list for birthday or Christmas. If she had the money I'd make an effort to do the shopping trip (or buy online) as soon as we could and that would have to be good enough.

I feel it is important that she gets to choose some of her own clothes but I do try to guide her into thinking about how something will fit into her whole wardrobe. If she wants something like bright orange pants does she have shirts and shoes that will go with them already? How many outfits can she potentially make? If we have to buy a bunch of other stuff just to make that one item wearable then maybe it isn't worth it at this time.

Dd probably has more pants than your dd. She doesn't need as many as she has but she does wear all of them so the number isn't a big issue for me.

[jdsf]

I have 2 DDs who are both basically hipsters. My aunt loves to bargain hunt and often finds designer items in DD14's size, so she has quite a wardrobe of "nice" clothes, dresses and skirts, to wear. They aren't long enough to wear to school, however, so the pants become an issue. She probably has a dozen pair right now, but only half actually fit her, she is either too tall or has outgrown the others entirely. Part of her "summer jobs" includes purging at least 25% of her wardrobe. My mother also gives her practical hand me-downs in her size, so she is set on plain t-shirts and gym shorts for awhile. She always asks for gift cards for her birthday and christmas, and she spends a little at a time when she goes to the mall with her friends. Sometimes, she needs something specific for orchestra or theater, or a new bra or shoes every few months, so we buy those things new. Otherwise, we go to the thrift store every couple of months and give them $10 to spend. Both DD's have scored some awesome stuff, but good pants are the hardest to come by at thrift stores. Half the money we spend on clothes for them for the year is pants. I think 7-8 is a good number, 5-6 you can wear to school, 1 pair nice, and some sweats or lounge/pj pants. If you live someplace hot, you may need more shorts and less pants, but that's what we shoot for.

[karne]

I'm glad for your dd that you got the pants, and gifted her with a new top to go with them.  My perspective is a little different than most of what I've read here.  Your dd is young.  Once the teen years hit, it happens that your kids don't necessarily want you to go with them, even shopping for something coveted!  I would relish the time you have to spend.  I also think that buying the orange pants shows her that you are moving to a place where you respect her choices, even if they aren't yours, and that, as her mom, you can choose to give to her, for no reason other than just loving her.  I think we get caught up in practicalities, and it IS very important for our kids to make good choices, understand reality, etc.  But sometimes it's lovely to just make our kid's dream come true, if it's within our ability to do so.  I completely believe that orange pants could be the dream of the moment for a 10 y/0, lol.