A Peaceful Pregnancy - Page 10

[dakipode]

Hello everyone,
Glad to see the activity here has picked up again. I've been pretty zen here. There's really nothing to do other than clean up the house and slowly start preparing. DH still has his head in the sand (totally freaked out) and that means we really haven't talked about anything baby or pregnancy related, it's like the elephant in the room. The fact that I'm not showing makes it easier to ignore too. I'm ok with waiting for him for now, we still have so much time.

1babysmom, I wish you a wonderful birthing experience and a healthy baby next month!

revolting, that's pretty much what my doc said and I sort of gave in to that: there is nothing to do besides have faith and let things develop. It's given me a lot of peace. In the past year I've also learned a lot about myself and learned to trust that whatever tragedy may come my way, I am strong and I will be okay in the end.

katie, I can see how that would make it hard, witnessing every day all the things that can go wrong. The guided meditation helped me a lot early on, hope it does the trick for you.

coffeebean, glad to hear you're doing well!

pokey, I hope your previa resolves itself. I just ordered Birthing from Within from the library and I have to go pick it up. Mostly been reading romance novels. I can't bring myself to pay more than $2.99 for an e-book so the YA novels are generally out for me.

everyone else:

[pokeyAC]

devilish--Maybe.  If my placenta doesn't move out of the way, I will have to have a c-section which I would like to avoid.  They say there is a 90% chance that it will move out of the way and be totally fine for a vaginal birth.  I have an ultrasound on April 1st to see if it has moved.  If it doesn't, I will ask for another one later to make sure.  In the meantime, I am preparing for a regular birth and waiting to see what happens.

[devilish]

Pokey: I hope it has moved so you can have the birth you want.

[SparkleMaman]

Morning ladies!! I'd love to join in this thread. I noticed the thread when poking around the I'm Pregnant groups. So glad I did!! I "recognize" some of you from the Saner TTC thread (hello again to GISDiva, Dakipode, Devilish and Revolting - sorry if I missed anyone, I've not gone back too many pages yet) and I'm so excited to be joining you over here. I'm a little over 6 weeks with #2 after 10 cycles TTC. I'm 36 and have an amazing, spirited 9 yo DD who is over the moon excited to be a Big Sister. I have my first OB appointment with ultrasound April 9. Holding my breath a little until then. Feeling generally exhausted and so, so nauseous, which I find infinitely reassuring. I am an advanced practice nurse (RN, nearly done with coursework to be a Family Nurse Practitioner). I worked for years in critical care, ER and ICU, and then High Risk OB (working in Labor and Delivery at our Regional Perinatal Center). I currently teach Health to Middle School and Upper School students at an independent school (which I LOVE). My previous work has tainted my holistic belief/trust in my body but I have vowed to allow myself to live in the moment with this pregnancy and enjoy every minute of it. As Dakipode wisely commented many months back, when I was struggling with TTC and getting my DH fully on board, it is all a leap of faith and ultimately that is the hardest thing (in life and relationships) to believe it will all work out, it will all be okay. I cannot tell you Dakipode how that has repeated in my mind over and over the last few months. I do believe it will be okay, it will work out, and I am strong enough to deal with whatever outcome comes my way.

Wishing everyone a wonderful, peaceful day

[dakipode]

sparklemaman, so glad you're joining us! I wish you a very uneventful pregnancy and a healthy, happy baby!
Trust is so hard because it is an unfounded belief. I was raised to question/examine everything and not believe it till I see it and so "having faith" is something I have to practice. It's strange to think about how your beliefs really shape your world. I'm pretty skeptical in some areas but then on the other hand I believe that people are innately good. I choose to believe it because the alternative is too depressing/discouraging. In that same line of reasoning I choose to believe that everything will be ok in the end because otherwise why bother? Why try if you think it's not going to work out?
Anyway, just a bit of philosophical rambling on my part this morning.

[Sphinxy]

Sparklemaman - Hooray, so glad to see you here!

Not a lot of time for personals, I'm heading out momentarily for a much needed vacation. Glad to see some activity back in this thread - you are all such a special group! I'm 11 weeks yesterday and feeling decent, a little energy coming back. I'm trying to just go with the flow on my ever shifting emotions, appetite, and activity level.

Sending you all my best!

[katiecornflakes]

Lovely thoughts for this morning, ladies! 

The app I got is just called "Pregnancy". It has a pink background with kind of a funny blue face. :) I haven't tried it yet but I'm planning to tonight!

[GISDiva]

I feel like I did a drive-by just to bump the thread up, sorry about that.    Hello everyone, and a special wave to those from the Saner TTW thread, there's so many of you here I recognize!

I'm feeling pretty darn good.  The only thing I am queasy about is that we're approaching the halfway point in a couple of weeks and I have not done much to prepare this time!  I keep thinking that since my first labor was pretty manageable I can just sail through this one too, but I really should get my head in a better place about that.  I have to keep reminding myself that every labor is different.  My midwife also has me prepared for a much faster second labor (maybe, of course, mileage may still vary), which would be great except that I hear it can be pretty intense.  But I agree with 1babysmom, I adore the labor process too.  Once I took my Bradley class and learned the mechanics of it, it was just so fascinating and it felt like accomplishing a marathon or something when it was all over.  Not that I know what a marathon is like, anyone who knows me knows that I don't run.   And I know it sounds corny, but I never feel more beautiful than when I'm pregnant. I'm sure I won't feel that way in about 15 weeks since I appear to be getting much bigger much sooner this time around, but for now I'm going to bask in all that goddess vibe I've got going on!  

Dakipode, my husband has his head in the sand too.  I am really glad I have so many friends and my son excited for us, because DH certainly isn't showing it.  I shouldn't be surprised, he's a very reluctant father anyway.  He says not, but I can still feel it.  His plan was to never have children and then I came along and had to change my mind.    The thing is, he's really good with babies.  Toddlers...well, we're working on that.  I think little Snickerdoodle (as DS has dubbed the baby so far) will kind of force DS and DH to find some common ground and really grow their relationship as DS gets older and they start sharing interests.

Hoping that placenta cooperates for you, Pokey!

[SparkleMaman]

Sphinxy Yeah! Congrats to you too So, so glad to see you here!! Hope your vacation is awesome and relaxing. I am looking forward to my Spring Break which begins next Friday.

[beingmommy]

Hi Everyone!

Sorry I've been MIA from this thread (and MDC in general).  So glad to see so many here from the Saner TTC thread.

I am at 24 weeks tomorrow and hanging in there.  My pregnancy has been difficult and scary at times so far (had some bleeding issues for many, many weeks).  But things have calmed down. I AM having trouble staying zen right now, though, due to the early complications and also current pain issues due to my over-softened pelvis.  Also exhausted all the time and still having on and off bouts of nausea.  There are fears and a general heightened base anxiety level. I am trying so hard to enjoy this and relax but it's been difficult.

I feel like a downer. Just wondering what anyone might recommend to get back into a better frame of mind.

[dakipode]

beingmommy, I'm sorry you've had such a rough time. This may sound cliche: focus on the things you are grateful for. There are many things out of your control but I assume you have access to a good medical team? How about supportive friends and family, people who are rooting for you and baby?
Practicing gratitude can sometimes feel forced to me but it helps me take a step back and put things in perspective and realize there are many ways in which my life is privileged.

[beingmommy]

Thank you, Dakipode!  Such good advice. 

I was really in a funk yesterday and had some back of the mind worries about some lower abdominal pain I was having.  But I called my midwives and they had me come in for a heartbeat check and all is fine. They were so nice and supportive. We recently switched to them (from the OB group we were seeing) after my bleeding stuff cleared up and I was low-risk again. Really happy I found these midwives. I hadn't let myself lean on them yet because I did not want to be "that patient" but they were so nice and reassuring yesterday that I can call them anytime with worries and fears.  I feel much better today.  Sometimes I forget that the lows never last and things will feel better again soon.

So glad to see you here, Dakipode.  I never asked you, way back last fall, how did Nanowrimo end up going for you?  I had to stop early on because I got too sick with the monring sickness BUT I have been trying to do some writing again.  And thinking about my story is still helpful in distracting me from pregnancy worries.

[dakipode]

beingmommy,I sort of finished, recycled some of the stuff I'd already written so I could make it over 50K. I feel like I cheated but I also needed something to go right since we euthanized the cat and had the ectopic pregnancy that month as well... I've been letting my story sit for a while but now I'm ready to see if there's anything to salvage. There are some gems in there so I don't want to just dismiss the whole project.

[beingmommy]

Dakipode, oh that would've been a really rough month!  So sorry!  But glad you got some good stuff out of the Nano.  I find much of Nano stuff I write is junk BUT there's always some good stuff hidden in there too.  I am pretty excited to get writing on my story too. I finally finished the prologue I had been writing for months and months and months. It's actually very short but just took me forever to get out of my head.   

[SparkleMaman]

Indeed, it does, Dakipode! Are you feeling better this week, Beingmommy? I know for myself, my anxiety ebbs and flows. Right now I am mostly focused on doing what I need to, as I have been completely caught off guard with morning sickness (which was virtually non-existent with DD). It began right before 5 weeks and is going strong just past 8 now. I am doing what needs to be done, and little more, delegating tasks and responsibilities and being okay with DD getting WAY more screen time that I'd ideally like (PBS Kids and iPad). I even agreed to go out to dinner tonight, something I usually don't like to do. Normally, this would all make me feel really guilty and inadequate but somehow, it hasn't right now! I feel okay taking care of myself and not focusing on everyone else. Well, really I think feel totally justified as I am taking care of my little peanut But it still feels liberating and is a letting go that needs to happen. Sphinxy How was your vacation? Were you somewhere warm and sunny? Pokey Sending you lots of good vibes and FX for your U/S Monday!! I know how very stressful complications can be and how the idea of not being able to have the birth you envision can trigger sadness and anger. I had Pre-eclampsia with DD and was on bedrest the last 12 weeks of my pregnancy (which went to term, btw!). Every week there was a discussion of potential outcomes, and always the threat of induction or C-Section. It was, as you'd imagine, a very stressful time. But ultimately things worked out, I had to reimagine what I expected and my choices were somewhat limited, but it worked out. In many ways it also helped me to let go and realize how little I had control over, such a humbling lesson every time I learn it!

Wishing you all a wonderful peaceful weekend.

[Sphinxy]

SparkleMaman, it sounds to me like you are doing a great job prioritizing and delegating, even if sometimes it means delegating to PBS kids! I mean, really, I'm with you on wanting to limit screen time, but I say congratulate yourself on making a good screen choice. It could be so much worse. You can't take care of anyone else if you aren't taking care of yourself, right? These are words I've been repeating to myself often. 

My vacation was... good. Warm. Relaxing. We went to Vegas (didn't gamble though, ha!), and enjoyed pampering ourselves and seeing a few shows. And yet also, it was exhausting. The cross-country flights may have been asking a bit too much of my pregnant body, I may have spent a bit too much time in the sun one of the days we were there, and overall it was difficult to enjoy some of the amazing food because at dinner time I would get about 5 bites into my meal and feel like I needed an instant nap! We realized that quickly and started taking advantage of really elaborate breakfasts instead when my energy and hunger were strong, and then just grabbed easy stuff to eat in the room at night instead of trying to go out to a nice restaurant for dinner. But DW and I had lots of quality time together which was wonderful, and I didn't check in with my work once, which was huge for me. I needed a break from work SO BADLY. 

This morning I woke in a little bit of a panic. I don't remember having a dream about daycare, but I had been talking about it with my SIL over the weekend, and I had this sudden thought upon waking today that I cannot put a 3 month old in daycare. I know lots of people (including said SIL) who do this and I do not judge their decisions one bit. But it was like a personal realization that I might not be physically capable of it. I know that I have to go back to work after my 12 weeks of maternity/FMLA - DW and I have discussed it and it truly is the best decision for our family right now. And since DW is a professor she will actually be on winter break when I go back to work (assuming birth happens around when we think it will), so she will be able to be with our little nugget until week 15/16 probably. But then I just don't know... I work from home but it is still a very hands-on 9-5 in front of a computer sort of gig, so my options I think are either daycare or having someone come to our house. I'm just not sure it's realistic to think I'll be able to work with someone else in my house taking care of my baby. Ugh, I had been feeling so much like "eh, we'll figure it out" before this, and now that calm has passed and I'm feeling like, "ah! we need to figure this out!". DW thinks daycare will be fine, and is going to look into the early childhood development center on her campus to see if they accept infants. If so I suppose I might be OK with it since nugget will be right there where DW works, but I just don't know... I guess more than solving this today I just really needed to get my concerns off my chest and share the fact that I'm having some anxiety. Thanks for reading along with my musings....

[haurelia]

Hello! May I join you?

I'm 15 weeks along in my second pregnancy after 18 months of TTC. I found myself struggling with anxiety and depression a lot in first tri. I've dealt with both anxiety and depression through much of my life, ebbing and flowing situationally, of course. Have used counseling and meds historically, as well as some less than healthy self-medication. I've more recently been trying to use methods like meditation, exercise, yoga, herbs and Rescue Remedy to cope with bad feelings. I suppose that the thing I identify as most problematic for me in general is the urge to plan, control and prepare for all possibilities. I'm looking for ways to help learn better self-talk, and get off the "what if?" hamster wheel.
I've had a fluke-y issue during this pregnancy that's causing me stress/distress. I am planning homebirth but wanted to be getting tandem medical care to obtain an anatomy scan, and have some point of contact should a transfer become necessary. I'm an OB nurse, and while I trust birth and my body (had a home birth with DS), I am somewhat conditioned by years of work within the medical model to have that backup safety net.

I had an initial visit with an OB that I work with in one of the local hospitals, where the prenatal labs included a test for hemoglobin a1c, which looks at blood sugar levels over time (they did this because my BMI is 30). It was borderline, in the "pre diabetic" range. I decided to transfer care to my family doc (who does pregnancy care) so that someone who is familiar with my health and history could help me navigate the issue. He has an integrative view on medical practice, and teaches residents in his clinic. I made the assumption that I'd get more personalized care, albeit with some involvement from residents. I'm getting a bit of a runaround, though. I was asked to monitor blood sugars at home, which I've done for 4 weeks (all normal). At my appointment yesterday, I saw only a resident (haven't been able to have an appointment with my doc yet). I expressed to her that I wanted to quit monitoring but would be open to doing more at the 24-26 week mark when GD screening usually occurs. She agreed but had to run it by my doc (who was present but chose to not come into the room). He sent her back with a different plan--continue to monitor, repeat the a1c test, and return in 4 weeks. I'm feeling very dissatisfied with this situation, as she wasn't able to explain why it was necessary to continue testing home glucose. I'm annoyed that my doc wouldn't step in for 5 minutes to discuss, especially because this is a unique situation (his office doesn't even recommend this a1c test for a very obese pregnant woman). Additionally, when I left (after waiting for my appointment over an hour and the appointment taking almost an hour) the scheduler wasn't able to get my any appointments with my primary doc until July. This is just crazy. The testing, the lack of a clear plan, and the knowledge that I can't even see him in person for months is causing increased anxiety, frustration and anger. I may as well have just stayed in the OB practice! Since there are just 3 OBs there, if likely have gotten more personal attention. Considering going back-but I don't want to be a total flake. Should need for labor transfer arise, I'd prefer to birth at the OB's hospital. It's small, I work there and it's closer to home. I'd just get whatever pediatrician was on call (neither of whom I'm fond, but it would just be for care in hospital). My doctor, who is also to be the baby's doctor, wouldn't be on call for me at the larger, farther away hospital, but would probably see the baby there if we ended up there.
Thanks for those who made it through this novel of a post. I haven't reviewed the whole thread, but hope to do so this evening. Any and all suggestions for my situation and for general coping with pregnancy anxiety are welcome! Thanks to all.

[coati456]

Hi, I'd like to join. Nice to see so many familiar names from the Saner TTC thread! I'm a little slow coming over (at 17 weeks), but I only emerged from morning sickness/exhaustion about 2 weeks ago. I was so calm the first trimester because I was so sick all the time I couldn't think about anything else. Now that I'm feeling better, I'm starting to worry more about everything. My job doesn't feel as secure as it used to, and I have to study the budget to figure out how to afford maternity leave, etc. I'd like to start exercising. I hear that helps with stress.

I look forward to catching up with everybody I recognize and getting to know those I don't!

[GISDiva]

Haurelia, it sounds like you know what the answer is.  If your family doctor is only making you more anxious, go back to the OB's!  And if your original doctor asks you why, don't be afraid to tell them.  Just be honest that you wanted something more personal than what you got.  There's nothing wrong with wanting a clear plan of action, and don't worry about appearances.  You're just doing what's best for you.  Sometimes we try something and it doesn't work, it's OK.  :)

And hi, Coati456!!! 

[SparkleMaman]

Haurelia I totally agree with GISDiva. It's okay to compare providers, you are receiving a service and in no other realm would you think it was rude or unkind to look at your options, or try them on, so to speak. I struggled with this a bit recently as I've decided to switch providers, from my OB/Gyn of 10+ years (who is a friend and neighbor) to a CNM who delivers at the birth hospital I'd prefer. It was a tough decision and I felt like I was personally rejecting my Doc but I needed to choose what was comfortable for me.

Hi Coati SO glad to see you here!! I'm very glad your morning sickness has lifted, so draining!! And I think the anxiety is quite normal, part of being a mama even before the birth.

Sphinxy Thanks, I think I have found an okay balance for now. Again, not ideal but the best the based on the situation and demands. I completely remember having those same thoughts about childcare when I was about 16-20 weeks with my DD!! I found having more information, looking at my options (visiting and interviewing) was helpful. It's so hard to imagine leaving your brand new little one. I am sure you will find a day care provider that fits with your family's needs. One of my good friends was debating between two excellent daycares last year, ended up at her second choice (no space for an infant when she returned to work at her first choice) and has discovered that the center they are at now (affiliated with a local university, btw) far exceeded their expectations and has been amazing for them; nearly all the moms there exclusively breastfeed, many babies hadn't even tried a bottle before entering the daycare, and many won't sleep in a crib alone (so the staff holds them). They also take their shoes off at the entrance (as everyone must), like in a home, since some of the babies are crawling around the floors. Good luck in your search!!

AFM I met with my MW on Tuesday, love her!! I feel so great about moving to her care now. She did a quick scan, as I mentioned my entire family being convinced we're having twins, and just one perfect little bean in there!! Hopefully that puts all the twin speculation to rest once and for all.

Have a great day, mamas!!