Hello! May I join you?
I'm 15 weeks along in my second pregnancy after 18 months of TTC. I found myself struggling with anxiety and depression a lot in first tri. I've dealt with both anxiety and depression through much of my life, ebbing and flowing situationally, of course. Have used counseling and meds historically, as well as some less than healthy self-medication. I've more recently been trying to use methods like meditation, exercise, yoga, herbs and Rescue Remedy to cope with bad feelings. I suppose that the thing I identify as most problematic for me in general is the urge to plan, control and prepare for all possibilities. I'm looking for ways to help learn better self-talk, and get off the "what if?" hamster wheel.
I've had a fluke-y issue during this pregnancy that's causing me stress/distress. I am planning homebirth but wanted to be getting tandem medical care to obtain an anatomy scan, and have some point of contact should a transfer become necessary. I'm an OB nurse, and while I trust birth and my body (had a home birth with DS), I am somewhat conditioned by years of work within the medical model to have that backup safety net.
I had an initial visit with an OB that I work with in one of the local hospitals, where the prenatal labs included a test for hemoglobin a1c, which looks at blood sugar levels over time (they did this because my BMI is 30). It was borderline, in the "pre diabetic" range. I decided to transfer care to my family doc (who does pregnancy care) so that someone who is familiar with my health and history could help me navigate the issue. He has an integrative view on medical practice, and teaches residents in his clinic. I made the assumption that I'd get more personalized care, albeit with some involvement from residents. I'm getting a bit of a runaround, though. I was asked to monitor blood sugars at home, which I've done for 4 weeks (all normal). At my appointment yesterday, I saw only a resident (haven't been able to have an appointment with my doc yet). I expressed to her that I wanted to quit monitoring but would be open to doing more at the 24-26 week mark when GD screening usually occurs. She agreed but had to run it by my doc (who was present but chose to not come into the room). He sent her back with a different plan--continue to monitor, repeat the a1c test, and return in 4 weeks. I'm feeling very dissatisfied with this situation, as she wasn't able to explain why it was necessary to continue testing home glucose. I'm annoyed that my doc wouldn't step in for 5 minutes to discuss, especially because this is a unique situation (his office doesn't even recommend this a1c test for a very obese pregnant woman). Additionally, when I left (after waiting for my appointment over an hour and the appointment taking almost an hour) the scheduler wasn't able to get my any appointments with my primary doc until July. This is just crazy. The testing, the lack of a clear plan, and the knowledge that I can't even see him in person for months is causing increased anxiety, frustration and anger. I may as well have just stayed in the OB practice! Since there are just 3 OBs there, if likely have gotten more personal attention. Considering going back-but I don't want to be a total flake. Should need for labor transfer arise, I'd prefer to birth at the OB's hospital. It's small, I work there and it's closer to home. I'd just get whatever pediatrician was on call (neither of whom I'm fond, but it would just be for care in hospital). My doctor, who is also to be the baby's doctor, wouldn't be on call for me at the larger, farther away hospital, but would probably see the baby there if we ended up there.
Thanks for those who made it through this novel of a post. I haven't reviewed the whole thread, but hope to do so this evening. Any and all suggestions for my situation and for general coping with pregnancy anxiety are welcome! Thanks to all.