In Utero Bonding! « Back to Group Discussions

[travelmumma]

Hi Mummas,

Just wondering what the rest of you are up to with bonding.

I sometimes feel like a bad Mumma because sometimes I forget that I am pregnant (Not in the way that i start drinking etc just when Im at home sitting on the couch etc).

Does anyone else have this happen sometimes?

How is everyone bonding with Bub? Any ideas? :) I want to get bub as involved in my life as possible now, so that s/he doesn't come as a shock on Christmas Day!!! 

[phatchristy]

Originally Posted by travelmumma 

Does anyone else have this happen sometimes?

How is everyone bonding with Bub? Any ideas? :) I want to get bub as involved in my life as possible now, so that s/he doesn't come as a shock on Christmas Day!!! 

Kind of difficult now in a physical way right now until you're feeling movement on a regular basis.  Near the end it's really cool...you can tell where the baby is, you can feel elbows and feet from the in and outside...all the kicks and hiccups and all sorts of things you can't even imagine yet!

Feeling the baby move seems to naturally facilitate bonding so don't worry if it doesn't yet feel that real!  

[travelmumma]

Originally Posted by phatchristy 

Feeling the baby move seems to naturally facilitate bonding so don't worry if it doesn't yet feel that real!  

Ok good! Because right now I am having moments of looking down and thinking "Sh!t, I have really put on weight in my belly! Should do something about that..... Oh... yeah! Whoops!"

[Mamabeakley]

I think if you have time and energy you could do some meditation where you imagine what baby looks like now, what s/he is able to sense, etc.

As a Birthing From Within mentor, I do an exercise where I have people draw what they think their baby is seeing/hearing/feeling.  And sometimes people draw what they imagine baby looks like in the womb.

Movement does help a lot, though.  It's hard to ignore, and especially with a first baby - I've felt bad my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies especially feeling I'd ignored baby all day busy with the older kids or work.  But a first baby - harder to ignore because it's just all so strange.

I kind of wish I could occasionally forget I am pregnant now, not because I don't want to be, but because that would mean I was feeling better!

[cieloazul]

What you're feeling is what this part of pregnancy feels like for you. It's totally fine to forget about babe. And right now we're in this weird time between the elation/shock of a BFP and a full on elasticized wardrobe. You're already bonding with baby and will continue to bond with him/her long after the birth. I agree with phatchristy and mamabeakley that feeling regular movements is a very special bonding moment, along with when your partner can feel baby from the outside. With DS I wrote in a pregnancy journal from time to time. That was a nice way to "talk" to baby. I like crafty stuff so making things for the baby was another way we connected. Those things also helped me start to see myself as a mom. In my experience, the biggest difference between a first pregnancy and this second one I'm experiencing now is that with baby #1 you're not just growing a baby, you're growing a MOTHER. Crossing that threshold is as big a deal as anything. So it's more than just connecting with baby, it's connecting with that strangely familiar but foreign part of yourself who has always been this child's mother. It's pretty amazing :-)

[travelmumma]

Originally Posted by cieloazul 

 In my experience, the biggest difference between a first pregnancy and this second one I'm experiencing now is that with baby #1 you're not just growing a baby, you're growing a MOTHER. Crossing that threshold is as big a deal as anything. So it's more than just connecting with baby, it's connecting with that strangely familiar but foreign part of yourself who has always been this child's mother. It's pretty amazing :-)

Oh what a beautiful thought :) Thank you.

[kaliki_kila]

This is also my first baby and one thing I have been doing is listening to pregnancy affirmations.  I came across a couple files randomly on my medical provider's website and so I listened to them.  They really made me feel at peace and in touch with the baby.  You could probably find some pregnancy affirmations to listen to on Youtube or elsewhere.

[Mother Rising]

I find it helpful to put my hand on my belly (way down low), close my eyes, and visualize where the baby is in my body.  Then I say hi, maybe I love you, or whatever comes to my mind.  I can't wait till I feel movement as I think that makes bonding MUCH easier! Right now it's very abstract. 

[cocobean]

I'm having a very hard time bonding with me baby this time around.  With my first I don't remember it being this difficult (but that could just be romanticized thinking about my last pregnancy).  We tried for two and a half years to have a baby and I had two miscarriages my last one was the month right before conceiving this baby.  I didn't really get a chance to heal from that.  I'm slowly working through it though.  I've been listening to my hypnobabies pregnancy affirmations and this has helped a lot.  Also I'm now feeling movements that can't be anything but baby.  I've been feeling stuff for awhile but it was still debatable if it was baby or gas! :)  Once the movements get stronger and more regular I think I'll believe I'm actually going to get a baby at the end of this.

[travelmumma]

:) We heard the heartbeat today on the Doppler!!! It was amazing amazing amazing! I cried.... I just couldn't believe it!

That certainly helped me feel connected to this little "chicken"!

And now I am sitting on the lounge starting my first knitting extravaganza! Making a baby hat!

And I have found that tailing out loud to him/her helps me too

[nhklh]

I really don't do the in-utero bonding thing.  There's a pregnancy, and then eventually there's a baby, but my brain just doesn't really connect the two.  I've not been instantly in love with either child either - protective, yes, but the love took maybe a year to settle into.  I'm curious to find out if it will be the same way this time, given I'm expecting a vastly different birth experience.