Hospital anxiety: question for those who transferred or changed UC plans

[lia_joy]

I've only ever birthed unasssited. My first was solo so when I was getting ready to birth my second, I even had some anxiety about how it would feel to have my husband present. Once I was in that birth (and the third) I really appreciated his presence and I think I even recall feeling like it wouldn't have been a big deal to have more people there (as long as none of them were trying to manage me) I also remember that with each pregnancy, I felt really protective over my baby & thought I woudn't want anyone to hold them after the birth, but once I actually gave birth, it felt okay. I felt safe, confident & comfortable with family & friends visiting & holding baby within hours of giving birth...

I am currently 38 wks + with my fourth baby and decided very early on due to some intuitive feelings that this one should be a hospital birth.  I just don't feel like staying home is an option this time. I've had several months to come to terms with this & have even felt slightly excited about sharing the experience with my wonderful doula and the midwives I've been seeing.  I feel that they are trusting me (one of the midwives even told me at an appt "You & your husband know what you're doing! we'll just stand back with some gloves on just in case." which is exactly what I want) I also feel confident in my ability to stand up for myself & my baby if any unexpected conflicts arise.

(if you're interested in the long version, I've been blogging about it.: this one is about the innitial decision: http://liajoy83.blogspot.com/2011/12/changing-plan-from-unassisted-to.html  & this is my most recent thoughts: http://liajoy83.blogspot.com/2012/06/i-figured-id-need-to-have-at-least-one.html)

Anyway, what I'm dealing with at the moment is more of a general anxiety about the hospital. I have sat with the feelings & I know that they are residual, maybe a result of my own forceps birth (which I have done some EFT around & thought I was pretty good with now) Whatever it is, it's like a trauma reaction & not something coming from logical concern.  I'm worried that I won't go into labor -- or that I'll end up stalling out -- if I don't deal with these feelings.  On the other hand, I wonder if they will be similar to my feelings about my husband being at my second birth, or my feelings about people holding my babies & they will just melt away as soon as my hormones get flowing & I'm in the labor trance... If that's the case, i really don't want to spend any more time dwelling on them cause I'm thuroughly exhausted from overthinking & trying to micromanage this hospital birthplan -- I'm wanting to let go & let it happen!

So that is what I'm asking here: If you transferred or changed your UC plans, did you feel as anxious/uncomfortable as you imagined before hand?  Has anyone else gone from ONLY birthing unassisted to having an assisted birth? Any thoughts or experiences would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Lia

[lauren]

I've never birthed unassisted, but I have gone from home birth to hospital for my last. I can say that I also got a very strong intuitive feeling that I should have the 3rd one in the hospital, which seemed strange at the time because the first two home births were quite marvelous with no complications. 

I was really grateful that I listened to my intuition. My 3rd baby was born with meconium, which wasn't that big a deal but did place her a little at risk. But strangely my placenta never emerged--seriously-- there was just never another urge to push and I surely knew what I was doing/looking for with that after two other births. I am typically a very strong birther that has confidence.  I did start to hemorrhage, and I was able to be helped immediately, though it did take surgical intervention. It had to happen quickly due to the loss of blood. My midwife later told me that this was a really strange situation that she didn't anticipate, and could have been related to my being post due. But I found it so interesting that my body/mind told me to birth where it ended being best for me overall. I would NOT have wanted to transport if that had happened at home. There were no signs ahead of time that would have led anyone to tell me the hospital was the place to be. It really was pure intuition.

In terms of hospital anxiety, I understand completely. Choose one wisely, know the providers there, know how they are going to handle different things. I had a great hospital and it was almost as good as a homebirth in terms of listening to us and not forcing unnecessary interventions for me or my baby.
 

[lia_joy]

Thank you for sharing your story. I've attended a few births at this hospital & know it's a good one. intellectually, I'm comfortable, just still trying to shake some emotional stuff.  It's nice to hear from others who had their inuition confirmed... though I certainly hope not to have to deal with any major complication it helps to keep reminding myself I'm pushing through this for a reason <3

[fruitfulmomma]

I don't uc but but have planned homebirths for my first five, with #2 and 3 being transport/transfer to hospital. Those two births went pretty well as far as what I was afraid they might be. #6 is due in early July and my midwife is no longer practicing. After looking at our choices I decided to go with ob care and hospital birth this time. I like my ob and the hospital I am using (different one than with other girls) is suposed to be good according to another midwife I know plus they are baby-friendly so theyare supposed to support skin to skin, rooming in, breastfeeding, etc... which are all really important to me. So we'll see. I am still nervous.

[lauren]

Originally Posted by lia_joy 

Thank you for sharing your story. I've attended a few births at this hospital & know it's a good one. intellectually, I'm comfortable, just still trying to shake some emotional stuff.  It's nice to hear from others who had their inuition confirmed... though I certainly hope not to have to deal with any major complication it helps to keep reminding myself I'm pushing through this for a reason <3

Yes, I certainly didn't mean to insinuate that you'll have a complication just because your gut is telling you to use the hospital. It could be some other unknown reason why you might want/need to be there, including some emotional support of some kind. I meant mostly to trust your gut, regardless of the 'why.'

[Almi]

Lia, I think you're right, that it's time to just relax and let things flow and take them as they come.  The anxiety is probably going to be something you can't completely shake off, so just tell yourself that it's okay to feel that way.  And once baby decides to come, everything will fall into place, and all you'll be thinking about is labor and your baby. <3

[lia_joy]

I've been in the labor headspace since yesterday... Progress is slow physically, but I'm not feeling anxious anymore. Could be that baby is taking her time to help ease me into it (my last labor was only a few hours) but I don't feel like I'm blocked due to the emotional stuff (that was my main concern) instead things are just moving slow... for now anyway ;)

[lauren]

That is great! Take it easy and everything will be ok!
 

[Almi]

Originally Posted by lia_joy 

I've been in the labor headspace since yesterday... Progress is slow physically, but I'm not feeling anxious anymore. Could be that baby is taking her time to help ease me into it (my last labor was only a few hours) but I don't feel like I'm blocked due to the emotional stuff (that was my main concern) instead things are just moving slow... for now anyway ;)

That is what happened to me, exactly.  Twins' labor was only a few hours, and I was anxious about the birth last time.  I got lots of prelabor that eased me into it and I was able to let go of my anxiety.  I actually think I would have had her at 37 weeks had I been ready.  Because I really thought I was in labor.  Lol.  I think that helped to prepare me, too.

[lia_joy]

Quick update: Zena was born just before 3am yesterday (june 19) We arrived at the hospital around 11pm, by which point labor was intense enough that I could have walked through the whole building naked & not cared... So anxiety was not really an issue ;D 

We ended up being left alone for the most part. The nurse & midwife just asked if we needed or wanted anything & checked baby's heartrate a couple times.  They stayed out even though I was quite loud & only returned a few minutes after the birth when we called them back in.

Photo taken by my doula, Janeace <3

My birthplan was respected & they did not try to rush the placenta or talk me into the pitocin shot.  We had to sign some forms refusing the vit K, hep B & eye ointment, but were not hassled.  There were no apparent complications, so I don't have a clear answer as to why I felt so strongly about going to the hospital this time, but it all went beautifully.  Instead of going to a recovery room we headed home a few hours later. The pediatrician wasn't there to discharge zena, so they called one down from NICU to do it. She went over all of their recommendations, but didn't give us a hard time when we declined. We were back home by around 6am.

[writinglove]

What a beautiful photo your doula took. Congratulations!!

[fruitfulmomma]

Congratulations! Yesterday was sons 12th bday. Getting anxious for this one reading everyone's birth stories.

Did you mean to birth her in the tub? Our hospital does not "allow" waterbirths. I wonder if any mommas just keep quiet enough until it is too late to get out for the final push.

[lauren]

Congratulations! I"m so glad everything went smoothly!! What a beautiful baby!
 

[lia_joy]

They do actually offer waterbirths there if you meet certain requiremets, take a class & sign a waiver... There are seperate rooms for that, though (something about the tub being accessable from 3 sides, i think) and after i toured them, I felt really uncomfortable with the set-up... It just looked/felt really clinical.  Before they started officially allowing waterbirths, the midwives said "we're required to ask you to get out of the tub... but we can't force you to get out" & since those tubs were far big enough & felt a lot more homey, I decided I;d just refuse to get out... No one even came in to ask even though I was really loud -- not sure if they didn't hear me or if it was because of my birthplan. I'm hoping i get a chance to pick the midwifes brain a bit cause I'm curious to hear what she thought of the whole thing. I've attended births there as a doula so I know thier norm is not so extremely hands-off. We just kind of blew in in the middle of the night, made a big mess & left ;D

[darkblue0729]

What a beautiful baby girl! Congratulations mama, thank you for sharing!!!

[Almi]

Omg Lia!!  I love the photo!  I'm so glad everything went so well.  Baby looks so little!!  How big was she?  Ahhh I want all the details! <3

[fayebond]

congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lia_joy]

She was 6lb 15oz.  I'm working on the birth story, which I'll post on my blog when it's done with lots more pictures, but I'm enjoying the snuggling, staring & nursing time so much that I'm not motivated to do a lot of writing just yet.  I also have *some* video, but I'm still kind of upset that the actual moment she was born was missed, so it'll be a while til I'm ready to get over that, edit what I have & share

[lia_joy]

Finished the birth story :) Here it is:

http://liajoy83.blogspot.com/2012/07/self-directed-birth-of-zena-joy.html

[Almi]

Lia, the reason you birthed in the hospital is to show others that it is possible to have such a lovely hospital birth, not because there was supposed to be a complication.  You did it for the benefit of others. <3