Please help me to decide what to do.... - Page 3

[Apples12]

Originally Posted by Barefoot~Baker 

I don't even know where to begin right now....things are just terrible here but I do have good and bad news.  One thing that I have not mentioned, but will now, to add more drama to my story  is that my husband is the main problem.  To make a long story short, he is, as my family calls him, a con artist.  This is so difficult...he will do anything to avoid work.  He is extremely mentally unstable but he is a sponger/taker/freeloader/.  We've been married 1 year, together for 2.  The job that he recently got?  Not producing.  When my husband has money, which is from his disability and student loans, I have to cross my fingers in hopes that he will do the right thing with it, but he usually doesn't.

I've asked the title question with a view to taking care of everything myself.  It's my house - I had it before I met him.

I want him to leave - yesterday he was pressuring me and hounding me to give the house to him so that he could get a mortgage because I can't.  He will NOT do the right thing with it.  Yesterday he tried to get a car loan to buy a $67K vehicle. He's really.....crazy and concerned for his own comfort & luxury.

OMG.  I can't believe I just told you all that, but it does apply to the situation, so there it is.  I don't know when he's leaving or where he's going but it can't be soon enough for me.  I just hope he doesn't try to take 1/2 my house.  Honestly I don't even care about a divorce, I just want him leave. He's verbally, emotionally, & mentally abusive.

Well there's a lot more I could say but I'll leave it at that.  The good thing (I think) is, that when he leaves I can go to social services and then with his income gone I should qualify for daycare so that I can get a job and some more assistance.  Unfortunately they will put a lien on my house, but what can I do?

I'm sorry to hear that this is happening to you again. It seems from reading your posts from the past few years that you moved too fast into this relationship after your previous relationship and you didn't listen to the advice of your family. What does your family advise you to do now in your current situation?

[swd12422]

Everything EmsMom said. Get the divorce to protect yourself from further financial strain, and to cut ties with him. He's shady at best -- steer clear in any/every way you can.

[Barefoot~Baker]

Originally Posted by Apples12 

I'm sorry to hear that this is happening to you again. It seems from reading your posts from the past few years that you moved too fast into this relationship after your previous relationship and you didn't listen to the advice of your family. What does your family advise you to do now in your current situation?

This is very true, I was extremely vulnerable....I don't want to get into the past though, it's very difficult.  My family doesn't give much advice normally, and I've only just told my mom and brother today.

[Apples12]

Originally Posted by Barefoot~Baker 

This is very true, I was extremely vulnerable....I don't want to get into the past though, it's very difficult.  My family doesn't give much advice normally, and I've only just told my mom and brother today.

What age is your husband?

[Barefoot~Baker]

Originally Posted by Apples12 

What age is your husband?

Why do you ask?

[Apples12]

Originally Posted by Barefoot~Baker 

Why do you ask?

Just curious to know if he is close to your age.

[Barefoot~Baker]

Yes, we are close in age.

I want to find a single mom to rent a room or 2 to.  I don't have money to put an ad out.  Should I call social services or could I get screwed that way somehow do you think?

I would like to get at least a separation agreement but I have no money to file :(

[SunRise]

Originally Posted by Barefoot~Baker 

Yes, we are close in age.

I want to find a single mom to rent a room or 2 to.  I don't have money to put an ad out.  Should I call social services or could I get screwed that way somehow do you think?

I would like to get at least a separation agreement but I have no money to file :(

you can put an ad on craigslist - for free - but of course, use caution

[zebra15]

Originally Posted by Barefoot~Baker 

Yes, we are close in age.

I want to find a single mom to rent a room or 2 to.  I don't have money to put an ad out.  Should I call social services or could I get screwed that way somehow do you think?

I would like to get at least a separation agreement but I have no money to file :(

You can put an ad on craigslist, ask around the homeschool group or other mommy type groups.  If you join a single mom's group or other support group thats another way to find a potential renter. Joining groups or even email lists are a good way to just get support in general. (email lists are free) and you can find them on google or yahoo groups.

As for DH, I would give him a date to move out.  Since he has income he should be able to get an apartment or housing with his funding.  During that time frame (30-60 days) go get some legal aid.  Open your own bank accounts and untangle any finances you have with him.  Most county offices have a division of legal aid and can get you the paperwork for divorce.  If he won't move out then start the paperwork to have him ordered out/removed from the home.

[artekah]

I've heard good things about this website: http://www.coabode.org/

[koofie]

Originally Posted by artekah 

I've heard good things about this website: http://www.coabode.org/

I have a co-abode account from before I got married if you would like to take over the account.

[Barefoot~Baker]

Hm I only just saw these last messages, I never had any notifications...I'm going to check them out now, sorry it's taken so long.

[Apples12]

Originally Posted by Barefoot~Baker 

Hm I only just saw these last messages, I never had any notifications...I'm going to check them out now, sorry it's taken so long.

Did you get your husband to move out?

[esmicosaquehago]

The only reason I would sell your house is if you can buy a smaller/cheaper one with cash - no mortgage.

[Basylica]

I doubt you'd be able to find a place (even if you SQUISHED) to house two adults and 4 kids that wouldn't drain the 120k you got from the house in a matter of a year or two. Plus you'd need to pay off taxes before the sale would go through, so there is that.

Call CCs and negotiate. I got my 6ish cleared for about 3500 by threatening bankruptcy etc. It hit my credit to do a settlement, but less than bankruptcy.

You'll need to stop paying CCs for several months first however, and be able to come up with the full amount to get settlement. You might consider taking a loan out on the house if you qualify and use that towards paying settlement on CCs. Since you don't have a mortgage currently and the interest isn't OMFG expensive it would certainly lower your debt load.

If you are both working fulltime you will lose support, so be sure you consider that.

If you are both working fulltime you'll need childcare, so unless you have free family care available (in which case I loathe you! hehehe) thats going to increase your expenses considerably. I was paying 300/wk for my two before they started school, and i'm paying 160/wk now that my younger started kindy. Assuming you are in a similar cost of living area (I live in dallas so it's one of the cheaper metro areas in the US) you are looking at around 2K a month, and 30K a year (since summer you'd pay fulltime for school age) in childcare.

Sounds like your best bet would be to try and get loan on house and use it to argue/settle your CC debt. GET RID OF CARDS NOW!!!

since your DH is disabled he's probably more likely to stay home with 4 kids, and hopefully you'll retain some of your government support for FS and such.

You need to find probably 40-60hrs a week of work.

It stinks, but (hard truth!) you are the ones who ran up the debt and had 4 kids which we all know are not cheap. Once you start digging yourself out of the hole you'll have more options going foward. Meanwhile your DH can continue to look for work and if he can find fulltime work you might be able to stay home or work at night and swing shifts between you.

Since daycare for 4 kids is more than a lot of people make working fulltime - it seems likely that one of you will have to be home with kids and work different shifts etc.