I'm so glad I found this forum. I'm sat here crying my eyes out and I feel so terrible I don't know what to do.
6 weeks ago I had to face two of my worst pregnancy fears.... an induced labor and an emergency c-section. Little Mattew was over to weeks late and his wasn't even engaged and I wasn't even 1cm diliated so the took me into hospital for an induction. I spent the whole day being poked and proded, strapped to a monitor while begging to be allowed to get up and walk through my contractions before finally giving up a 11pm and asking for an epidural. I was still only 1cm diliated at this point.
But that's when the real nightmare began. The epidural caused my blood pressure to drop so rapidly that Matthew heart rate became erratic. They managed to stabalise him slighty and over the next 3 hours I finally dilated from 1cm to 10cm and was taken through to the delivery room to start pushing. He'd made his way mostly down the birth canal and the doctor even pointed out his hairy crowning head to my partner, but after 5 o 6 pushes the doctor said that his wasn't making any more progress and that his heart rate was becoming erratic again and that they would have to perform an emergency c-section.
So I was rushed off to the operating theatre and they started to operate pretty quickly. But the epidural they'd given me for the contractions was very weak and even though they upped the doesage they didn't leave enough time for it to take effect and I felt the first cut as clear as day. After that I don't remeber much and the doctor says that I passed out. The next thing I knew was waking up in recovery, I hadn't even seen my baby boy. Matthew was born at 3:30am and they kept me in recovery until 8:30am and the only thing they would tell me was that my baby was fine. My partner was left alone with our son and had no idea where I was or when they would bring me up to the ward.
Now 6 weeks later my sister-in-law went into hospital at 4pm this afternoon and now at 11:30pm has just given birth to her little boy as easy as pie. And now I'm here crying my eyes out because I feel like I failed my little angel by being able to give birth to him properly. I feel like there must be something wrong with my body that it wasn't even preparing for labor and that I had to be induced. And most of all I feel jealous of my sister-in-law. I've always felt that she only went and got herself pregant because I was and now she's gone and had a perfect, easy birth. I just want to scream that it's not fair. Why not me?
I love my little boy with all my heart and I just wish I could have given birth to him naturally.