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I don't want to be "that mom" but... - Page 2

post #21 of 44
Thread Starter 

Each classroom has 1 sink, and the 2 kindergarten classrooms have a set of bathrooms between them. I didn't go in to check them out or anything, so I have no idea how many stalls/sinks. But its just a couple steps outside the classroom. All they said about bathrooms was that they allow one child at a time to go, and they do not help them or send another child to help them (stressing to parents that children must be toilet independent) 

post #22 of 44

strange- seeing that most schools are really PUSHING real hand washing as a way to reduce "colds" and keeping absents low- I really would say something

 

I understand they MUST be potty able but lots of places do push hand washing and often go as groups to a sink so that it is being done

 

have you spoken to any of the other parents (ones you might know) -any remarks from them on this?

 

I guess "wipes" are just so expectable as a way to clean or as the PP kind of said- do they really think they are killing germs or something?


Edited by serenbat - 6/13/12 at 1:51pm
post #23 of 44

Everyone has good points. What I found as a mother is that anytime you buck the system, you lose points. Be careful what you express concerns about. I agree on the issue of covering their hands with chemicals. Using all those wipes seems to go too far for convenience. How did kindergarteners get through their days before there were diaper wipes? We washed our hands. Maybe the school needs more sinks. Do they think kids will have wipes with them everywhere they go, and what about being earth friendly? Teach them to wash their hands in school so it's habit out and about later. To be fair, kindergarten teachers no longer can just teach the basic numbers, alphabet, colors, school behavior, etc. They are under great pressure to have every child reading before first grade, even though not every child's brain is ready. This may be one reason the are resorting to saving minutes and seconds everywhere they can.

post #24 of 44
Quote:
 What I found as a mother is that anytime you buck the system, you lose points. 

 

 

what's more important?

 

chemicals are chemicals

your child's health is your concern and you deal with the effects of it

cost

waste 

overall effect (need, desired result-removal of germs)

 

sit back and just take it and nothing changes

 

 

teaching children to just go with the system, keep your mouth shut it's no big deal

 

 

what exactly is the benefit of having these "points" for this kindy parent? what do you get for them? is she not going to be able to do what? is her DD going to be effected? what really happens?

 

 

 

this is not what is in question here (we don't use wipes in the schools) schools around offer hand sanitizer (all over the place) you are not mandated to use it- none of all the teachers I know will use it (many have been very vocal about it too) and most children don't either


Edited by serenbat - 6/14/12 at 4:55am
post #25 of 44

Although I understand your concerns, it's just not a hill I would die on. bag.gif

 

My reasoning is that my parents were CONSTANTLY making a huge deal over everything. I was always the odd one out, the one with a different deal. Rather than coming from an environmental/natural living point of view, it was all about religion and god for them. It wasn't so bad when I was 5, but as I progressed through childhood I came to loath always doing things differently and having different rules, and that my parents truly didn't care what I thought or how I felt because they we totally wrapped up in "what is right" and "taking a stand."

 

I don't live the life I was raised to live at all.  In the end, I felt like too much was shoved down my throat.

 

Starting K is a big deal. Unless your DD went to Jr K at the exact same school, she has a bunch of adjustments at the beginning of this school year. She has to learn a new building, new rules, get to know new kids. She may be adjusting to being away from home more hours than she is used to. Depending on where you live, she will be under academic pressure to learn the things we didn't learn until first grade.

 

I would just make it as easy for her as possible, and part of that is going with the flow *whenever possible.*  For me, the baby wipes would fall into the category of "not my first choice, but something I can live with."

post #26 of 44

nak...i was raised the same...while we let our kids use us an excuses not to do something wrong, my mom would freak out..."you should tell them rock music is a SIN, not blame it on me!" i missed out on sooo much and now i have problems dealing with my own kids and maybe being a pushover bc i don't want my kids being the weird ones. there are lots of things i hate but allow anyway. hand sanitizer at school, whoops the baby is up, more later hopefuly!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post

My reasoning is that my parents were CONSTANTLY making a huge deal over everything. I was always the odd one out, the one with a different deal. Rather than coming from an environmental/natural living point of view, it was all about religion and god for them. It wasn't so bad when I was 5, but as I progressed through childhood I came to loath always doing things differently and having different rules, and that my parents truly didn't care what I thought or how I felt because they we totally wrapped up in "what is right" and "taking a stand."

post #27 of 44

I find ingesting chemical drastically different than learning a new routine entering K. 

 

propylene glycol is a hill I would die on- to me learning will come second when you don't have good health

post #28 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by whatsnextmom View Post
Schools really don't care about exceptions as long as it doesn't make their life harder. If you don't want your child to participate... fine, but provide your own option for them. They get upset when they have to pour out money to feed around 15 different special requests. My kids are sensitive to chemicals. It's not life threatening but it gives them rashes. I always just provided their own stuff and it was never a big deal at all. Lots of young kids do have issues with chemical laden hand sanitation. 

 

My daughter was allergic to the standard soap they used in the schools and I had to provide a written statement that I was OK with her just washing with water.  She broke out in huge scaley rashes, etc.  Offer an alternative.

post #29 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by serenbat View Post

 

 

what's more important?

 

chemicals are chemicals

your child's health is your concern and you deal with the effects of it

cost

waste 

overall effect (need, desired result-removal of germs)

 

sit back and just take it and nothing changes

 

 

teaching children to just go with the system, keep your mouth shut it's no big deal

 

 

what exactly is the benefit of having these "points" for this kindy parent? what do you get for them? is she not going to be able to do what? is her DD going to be effected? what really happens?

 

 

 

this is not what is in question here (we don't use wipes in the schools) schools around offer hand sanitizer (all over the place) you are not mandated to use it- none of all the teachers I know will use it (many have been very vocal about it too) and most children don't either

 

I think the pp has a goog point about "points". To some extent it is true that you do need to be careful to take a stand on what is important because it is hard to get a teacher or principal to work with you when they see you as the mom who has a problem with everything.  For me the problem with losing "points" over little things was that nobody was on my side when my dd got placed with a teacher who despised her from day two.  IME, if they view you as having the same reaction for the baby wipes as you do for the time when your child is being bullied mercilessly or is miserable in class because of a poor teacher it makes for a very negative experience for your child.  Not everyone has the ability to just pull their kid out and do something else so being careful to take a stand on things that are truly important can be crucial. 

post #30 of 44
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by One_Girl View Post

 

I think the pp has a goog point about "points". To some extent it is true that you do need to be careful to take a stand on what is important because it is hard to get a teacher or principal to work with you when they see you as the mom who has a problem with everything.  For me the problem with losing "points" over little things was that nobody was on my side when my dd got placed with a teacher who despised her from day two.  IME, if they view you as having the same reaction for the baby wipes as you do for the time when your child is being bullied mercilessly or is miserable in class because of a poor teacher it makes for a very negative experience for your child.  Not everyone has the ability to just pull their kid out and do something else so being careful to take a stand on things that are truly important can be crucial. 

I'm not concerned about losing "points". I came up with a solution that should not create any hassle for the teacher beyond not giving my dd a wipe when they are handed out to the other kids (granted I have no idea if the teacher walks around the room passing them out, or keeps a box at each table for kids to help themselves, or if its take one and pass the box on, or what). I am going to make reusable snack bags for her to carry her snack in every day, and it will have a snack compartment and a wipe compartment. I'll make cute little wash cloths for her. Maybe velour on one side and a cute flannel print on the other. It will not be an extra "thing" she has to get from her backpack since she will have to get her snack anyway and its attached, plus she'll have a built in place to put it when she's done. I will be up front with the teacher, tell her why. I'm thinking bring an example of the baggies/wipe sets to the "meet the teacher open house" and be like, "look what I made for dd, aren't they cute? Hey, is it alright if instead of using a baby wipe to clean her hands before snack, she can just use these? I'd really rather her not use any "product" on her hands that she can't rinse off immediately prior to eating, since some of it will inevitably be transferred to her food! I'll make sure its no extra work for you" And if any other parent sees them and thinks its the coolest thing in the world, I will totally make some for any classmates who want them, and free ;) We're in a pretty crunchy area, really. Absolute worst case scenario I can think of is teacher refuses, gives her wipes anyway, and makes her use it. I will teach her to use her wash cloth afterwards before eating if that happens. I don't think that will make her stand out as too "different" or "weird kid" at all. If anything I think it would make kids look and think she has something cool and fancy that they don't! You know, kinda like the kids who have the cool sparkly pencils instead of the boring yellow ones, haha. And really, she is an exceptionally social, well-behaved kid who thrives in social settings.. I think things that make kids stand out as "different" is more potentially harmful for kids who are a little more socially timid, or embarassed about it. She's not.  If its something she's proud of and excited to use, then she will set that tone. (And I know her personality. She'll love it) 

post #31 of 44

Brilliant way of dealing with it, LiLStar! thumb.gif

 

miranda

post #32 of 44

I think your plan sounds very workable. thumb.gif

Quote:
Originally Posted by LiLStar View Post

I'm not concerned about losing "points".

 

I'm not sure what the difference is between "not being THAT mom" and "losing points."  Seems like two ways of saying the same thing. shrug.gif

 

Some of the moms who've responded on your thread have GREAT relationships with their children's teachers and with the staff at their children's schools. Some don't. Having a solid relationship with the teachers and staff is in your child's best interests. I'm not advocating being less than authentic, and I think your plan is fine. But to not care about the kind of relationships you are building with people you plan to have in your life for years, who have authority in your child's life, is short sighted. (I say "years" because teachers talk about parents in the break room).

 

I will be up front with the teacher, tell her why. I'm thinking bring an example of the baggies/wipe sets to the "meet the teacher open house" and be like, "look what I made for dd, aren't they cute? Hey, is it alright if instead of using a baby wipe to clean her hands before snack, she can just use these? I'd really rather her not use any "product" on her hands that she can't rinse off immediately prior to eating, since some of it will inevitably be transferred to her food! I'll make sure its no extra work for you"

 

Email is a great way to communicate with teachers. Depending on when the open house is (ours is about a month into the school year) and how many other parents want to talk to the teacher, just dropping her an email at the beginning of the year might let her know what's up in a more expedient fashion. I wouldn't recommend turning "meet the teacher night" into "see what cool thing I made night."  That night isn't about you.   

 

I would try to phrase the email in such a way that you don't come across as thinking your way is The One Right Way, just an alternative that you prefer. No one makes friends by being "crunchier than thou."

 

I will teach her to use her wash cloth afterwards before eating if that happens.

 

yeah, but softly. Some kids are rigid thinkers -- if mom was sick and dad packed the snack and forgot the washcloth, they could feel that they weren't supposed to eat snack that day. 

 

I don't think that will make her stand out as too "different" or "weird kid" at all. 

 

That's great, and you may be right. But as she grows up, my advice is to let it be HER call what works for her and what doesn't. Anything else has the potential to drive a wedge in your relationship with her.

 

BTW, I have kids in high school and have really wonderful working relationship with the teachers and staff at my kids' school. I also have very solid relationship with my teens. They often chose to do things that are my preference, but sometimes they don't. And that's OK.

post #33 of 44
Thread Starter 

What I meant by not being concerned with "losing points" was "Here is my plan, and I don't expect it to annoy the teacher, thus that isn't a concern (at this time)"

post #34 of 44

This is a great forum. A lot of useful information on here! 

post #35 of 44

I have dealt with a similar issue at the Kindergarten I volunteered at, although instead of baby wipes it's hand sanitizer. They squeeze it into each child's hands while they're already sitting at the table so most children begin eating with their hands still wet. It really squicks me out. In earlier years we had the children stand in a line in front of the sink and one child would go down the line and squeeze soap into everyone's hands (that way there was no issue with kids taking too long or wasting soap while they were washing), and one by one they would wash/rinse under the water and then dry their hands. Once it was an established routine, it took less than 5 minutes for the whole class and all the teacher had to do was stand by so it was easy to supervise the kids at the sink and those at the tables at the same time.

 

I like the idea of sending your child with her own reusable wipes in her snack bag. Sensitive skin can always be an excuse. I know I break out in a rash if I touch a baby wipe. I also love your attitude about it all! Like you said, worst case scenario, your daughter uses her own wipe after the baby wipe. Most kids will just think it's a napkin.

post #36 of 44

My daughter gets eczema on her hands in the cool months from all of the hand washing and sanitizer and I'm thinking baby wipes will have the same affect on her.  At preschool, they were giving her lotion to apply frequently....I hope that Kindergarten is as flexible.  I agree it's pretty gross to use a baby wipe and then eat.  Not as gross as sanitizer, though.

 

I guess these are some of the things that I'm going to have to take a step back on and relinquish some control?  Damn.  It's going to be hard.
 

post #37 of 44
In Japan, bringing your own wet wash cloth is standard practice in school. They actually sell sets of washcloths and little plastic containers for them to go in. All the kids have them. They manage it just fine smile.gif
post #38 of 44

One wrinkle I see in that otherwise very workable plan is that (if your K is like DS's, that is), the kids may not have a chance to put snack bags away after snack before recess. Our teachers really want the kids to bring something disposable for snack so they don't spend precious recess time supervising and shepherding 20+ kids back to the classroom to put away snack bags (at the different rates they finish snack) while they are also trying to watch the kids still eating and the kids out playing. 5 minutes is maybe not a lot of time, but it is a huge amount of the 15 minutes allotted. (Not to say that the parents were lining up in droves to send in snacks in reusable packaging, because they weren't, but the rule was also a response to the massive time and energy demands on the single teacher, no aide). It might be easier to have her just wash her hands.

 

We homeschool now (which I mention just as evidence that I'm maybe not the best person to give advice on how to make ps work), but I know my experience was that it was useful to triage which issues were important enough to work through. This wasn't because things didn't matter to *me*, but because the school and teachers, while enormously dedicated, had finite stamina.

 

Heather

post #39 of 44
Thread Starter 

Snack is eaten inside the classroom at their desks! I think it might be after recess, but I'm not sure. The teacher does not supervise outside the classroom, there are separate recess supervisors for that. 

post #40 of 44

Great! That makes it much more doable!

 

heather
 

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