I am cross-posting this from my DDC because I am just so bummed about it.
Had my 35+6 appointment this morning. Not all good news, unfortunately. My blood pressure was sky-high (147/80!!!!!!) which absolutely floored me because I felt calm and had measured it at home last night at 105/82. She took it again at the end of the appointment and it was still 137/79. The cuff was down oddly low both times and felt like it was tightening around my elbow, so I'm not sure these are the world's best readings... but still, it was repeatable so I have to accept that it is what it is.
So, they did a protein test on my urine and that came out negative, which is at least good. Baby is head down, low, lying along my left side now (weird... she was on the right side for so long), HB in 140s, I feel lots of movement pretty much every day, so MW said, considering that I haven't measured anything over 120/80 at home, there is really nothing to worry about at the moment and her level of concern about this is very low. Still I'm only 36w, a first-time mom so it is really unlikely I will go into labor on my own before my due date, and I know this is likely to get worse quickly instead of better. 4 more weeks seems like an eternity right now when I know even very healthy people often start to have problems past their due date. I am returning next week for my next appointment.
Although I know this is probably more a function of my weight, genetics, etc. I am REALLY resenting my job right now. It's a very stressful week where I could probably work 60+ hours if I wanted to. I never really had any intention of doing that (I'm so tired and spacey these days that I end up in tears if I try to work more than an 8-hour day, plus we have baby-related commitments pretty much every night this week so it's not like I can stay here till midnight anyway... of course I am constantly aware of being lucky that I even have a choice, and that weighs on me too) but it's still really stressful to have to tell people no, or to know that other team members are working insane hours and I'm not holding up my end of the bargain.
I'm pretty sure now that I'm going to end up with a scheduled induction, which I have been afraid of since day 1, but the pregnancy has gone so well that for a while I started to think everything would be OK. I'm just so disappointed and worried right now.
The part I didn't want to get into in the DDC post is that a lot of why I am so upset is that there is also a big selfish part of me that does not want to be everyone's obesity epidemic poster child. If I have ANY pregnancy complications, my mom, MIL, SIL, and everyone I know will be whispering sadly about how they just knew this was going to happen and I'm lucky I made it this far, maybe now I will take my health seriously, etc.
I mean, of course I am worried about my baby, and if she needs to be born early to be safe, then bring on the induction. I am 36w now so if it needs to happen, I know it is not ideal for her, but the odds are pretty good; however, she will still be a preemie with all the associated risks. So there's definitely that concern. But just for myself, I HATE when my personal struggles with my health become public for everyone to comment on. I think at least from a Facebook standpoint, if she arrives early for any reason, I will not be offering an explanation or any details about the birth. I can at least avoid having complete strangers judge me any more than they already do.
The good news is that my BP measures normal at home, I don't have proteinuria (yet), I've only gained about a pound in the last couple weeks which is nothing to raise an eyebrow over, and I have had no serious symptoms or significant swelling, so there is a slight possibility that if I can get past this week at work, things will be OK. I have had mild headaches but god's honest truth, I really think that is because I worry so much about my blood pressure/pre-e and am constantly obsessing about real and imagined symptoms day and night.
Thanks for listening... I figured you guys were most likely to understand.