***I'm not quite sure where to post this, so it may be here, in one of the pregnancy forums, and in the surviving abuse forum as well. I apologize for spamming them all, but my situation applies to so many different areas, and I could use so many different perspectives, that I'm willing to try every and anywhere.***
Hello. I'm a 26yo woman with two dd, one is 3 and the other will be 5 in July. I love my girls, they are my life, my pride and joy, and every decision I make is for their well-being.
I recently ended (really recently, three weeks ago now) my eight year relationship (six year marriage - though we haven't begun the divorce yet) to my husband. My husband (the girls' father) was always verbally and emotionally abusive, but over the years he started to become physically and sexually abusive as well. He was arrested three weeks ago for an incident that I will not describe in detail, but he was put in jail, I got a restraining order, and the only time I have spoken to him since was the day he came to move his things out of our condo in the accompaniment of police officers.
I know...it's a lot to absorb, but it gets worse.
I found out on his birthday, June 8, that I am pregnant. This will be my fourth pregnancy (we miscarried our first *tears*) and I am currently in year two of three in a graduate school program. We moved across the country so that I could attend school and now I am torn on so many levels.
I am facing so many hardships, and I do not know if I can make this journey on my own. My mother and sister (my only real family) are negative, not very supportive, and several thousand miles away. I don't have any real friends in my new city, but I do like a few of my classmates. I am in a different situation than most of my classmates, they are mostly single, childless, and a few years younger than me.
I am just stressing stressing stressing! I want to do what is right by my dd's, and I cannot imagine how I'm going to make life suitable for my baby. How I'm going to get through the pregnancy, the birth (both of my girls were natural vaginal births, my second was even a homebirth, no complications), the recovery, and the continuance of graduate school (I'm determined to graduate, but not at the expense of my children being neglected). I'm all alone out here (in Boston) and I don't know what to do.
I guess I'd like to know that what I'm attempting is possible? I don't know. I just feel like the universe is not pulling its weight in my favor lately. I am sooooo utterly confused as to what I am supposed to do. I just want my children to have a better life and more opportunities than I was given. I want them to be happy and healthy and to excel. I want them to know that Mama has done every possible thing she can for them to have balanced, joy-filled lives. I feel like no matter what, I'll be failing this time :(
I'm going to counseling for the abuse and I'm getting my daughters in counseling soon, to help them deal with the changes of not having Daddy around, but...there's just soooooo much to handle! I'm breaking down :(