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Mothering › Groups › May 2012 Birth Club › Discussions › **~~June 12th-June 30th chat**~~

**~~June 12th-June 30th chat**~~

post #1 of 107
Thread Starter 

joy.gifAll the May Babes are here biggrinbounce.gif

here is a general catch-all chat thread :)

 

how are you adjusting to the new normal?

post #2 of 107

I have to say that I never imagined how consumed my life would be with a newborn. I'm not complaining, just really surprised :)   I haven't posted at all here since she was born, save for a quick birth announcement, just because I've been SO tired.  We had some really bad latch problems early on and that coupled with cluster-feeding the whole first week I was miserable.  I thought breast-feeding was going to be so beautiful, yada yada, and it was horrible.  I was so depressed.  Saw a LC and things are getting better.  Although my left breast is doing something weird and baby didn't want to latch correctly and would fight me the whole time I tried to feed her, so yesterday I started the side-lying position and things are much better!  My left breast is firm though, so that's weird. Engorgement?

 

 

Being a mom is so much harder than I thought it would be, but I'm starting to enjoy it.  I think DH and I are doing much better at handling all of the crazy things babies do...like projectile pooping on the wall during diaper changes :)

 

Oh and I really need to bathe.  I've been choosing sleep over bathing...I think it's time to shower, I have some serious stank.

post #3 of 107

my little guy latches funny onto my right breast. no issues at all with my left breast (which is my more productive one, and frequently engorged!) I think I have to switch up his position on my right breast to get a better latch if I want it to catch up with my left breast.

 

even though this is my first time doing this, I feel like my expectations of how all-consuming this would be were pretty realistic. my husband, on the other hand, had NO IDEA. I mean, we'd talk about it while I was pregnant and thought we were on the same page, but he's having a really rough time now. he has sleep problems to begin with, so he's sort of chronically under-rested, but having a newborn has taken it to a whole new level. he's getting better about letting me take care of things so he can sleep on the sofa or take a nap during the day, which is helping some.

 

I love my son so much. I can't get enough of him. he's perfect and I have no idea how we made him. staring at him is such a trip.

post #4 of 107
I have found (and was also true with DS1) that one side is typically easier for baby to latch on to - but it's not because of the breast, or engorgement -- just because of arm position. So it would make sense that some other position (like side lying) would help with that.

I went to a "mom of two" group today. It was really nice to be around so many new moms of two - all the moms had new babies about 3, 4 weeks old and 2-4 year olds too, just like me.
Of course, I so wish you mamas all lived in Boston so we could meet in person!

Also - I wanted to recommend a book for the new moms here - I know there are so many books and theories out there - and this one has a whole chapter on sleep that is probably controversial - but it's called A Mothers Circle: An Intimate Dialogue on Becoming a Mother (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0966689011/sr=8-1/qid=1146153956/ref=sr_1_1/102-8627465-2077718?%5Fencoding=UTF8).
It follows a group of new moms in the first months post partum - and it is a quick read. I felt I could really relate to it - not for lessons on how to get baby to sleep or whatever, but rather just on thoughts about becoming a mother, that transition, and all of the joy, sorrow, loss, emotional roller coaster that goes along with it.
post #5 of 107

Well our new normal was just that for us when we had Sång 10 weeks early, I had no experience with preemies, or c-section. Luckily the c-section was easy but still have some numbness (weird) With Sång  it was like a whole "new" first with her. I had to pump because she was in the NICU for 4 weeks and I felt like a new mom  when I changed her diaper it was like I had never changed a diaper before. She was so tiny. There was a whole learning curve with feeding a bottle I had no experience with that at all, it was so awkward to me at first. Now she is EBF getting the occasional bottle but it was new and different in that way. 

 

When we came home it was a worry for me because although she had some O2 there was no monitor, the home nurse came 2x a weeks for about 4 weeks and also Sång  has a PT and OT and I had a LC. A lot of business! I feel more settled in now her OT and PT just come 2x a mth now. Also the home nurse does not visit anymore since she is not on O2 anymore and she has no medical issues.

 

Since summer is here I'm trying to figure a scheduale out for my older two and I think we are more settled in with DD going back to aikido and piano next week and DSs weekly play dates and t-ball starting.  But it's been just over 12 weeks since I had her and I'm just now feeling more settled.....

 

It was better when we came home and I could nurse her and spend time with our other two kids as well. I had missed being with our DD everyday, DS was with me in ABQ but it just felt strange without DH and DD for those 4 weeks.  I feel so blessed and we love our little miracle Sång . She has spunk and personality yet she is just as sweet as my other two.

 

NAK
 

post #6 of 107
Thread Starter 

i am alive and well and breathing lol

 

I am trying to keep up on the house and doing a mediocre job - but we are not eating healthy food too much. Right now I am eating kale with brown rice and chicken and store bought curry sauce - but the kids got mac n cheese and chilli...for the third time this week. I just dont want any food struggles so I fix them what they'll eat with gusto and that goes on a paper plate. Yeah, I know.

 

Made it to town to a consignment shop and bought a swing. It has given me a few hours of rest so I can clean. Cleaning is my happy time - how weird is that? I think because its some kind of proof I did something.

I realized I bought a moses basket (to store diapers in mostly), cloth diapers, and had a few binkies and wool longies I knit but really - this time I didn't prepare as much or buy much for babe - definitely loving the swing. Also definitely loving the teething tablets already for gas pains she gets!

 

I have been putting Dodi to sleep on her tummy for naps. She does not sleep on her back at all and screams almost like in pain most of the time if she is put on her back. I even do diaper changes holding her up 80% of the time. Part of me is truly worried something went wrong with the lumbar puncture they did and shes in pain. I don't know. I try not to think about it and just keep her off her back. She sleeps on her side in the crook of my arm at night.

 

I have started hanging out in the front room more. I have been in our bedroom the last month just nursing and watching kid shows and reading with the girls. DH was getting a little worried cause the room is dark and he said that this is how people get depressed.

 

Am I depressed? I don't know. I don't think so. I left the house to go groc shopping and the consignment shop - but I havent left the house otherwise since the hospitalization. I don't want to be around any one. I want to go see the bookmobile driver and show him Dodi (nd get fresh books for the girls) , but dont want to deal with my idiot neighbors or have any of their germs get on the baby.

I know that sounds like I am in terrible violation of the second commandment - and I know. but I just don't want to see any one or anything.

 

I was visiting with my mom online - keeping it superficial because of the stuff I wrote about a couple weeks ago. Now my brother is in the barrel and she's lambasting him on facebook and saying horribly cruel things. Then she writes me this super sweet message. I haven't responded. I feel so torn between cutting her off completely and then feeling guilty cause I am sure she can't help herself. I feel really sad about all that. Sad she is like that but also sad for me.

 

I am so afraid something will happen to DH because then I would be completely alone. I have come to the conclusion my family is toxic and hes the only one in this world I have.

I don't like feeling this vulnerable or lonely.

 

DH had an awful dream the other night I left him for a guy who owned a restaurant (LOL I guess I like food even in his dreams!) and then last night I had an awful dream he fathered a child with this one night fling he had and was now giving me the ultimatum of accepting her as a second wife or getting a divorce.

LOL

 

Kids seem to be adjusting well to their neglect lol. except our daughter (the one who has ASD) cut her finger with a blade of grass (??) and was like "I didn't want to do it but I couldnt help myself"

DH and I both looked at each other cause that sounded like a self harming statement which we have been told to look out for (thought disorder is one of her other diagnosis)

Just weird.

 

On more cheerful notes --

 

Dodi is still nursing. I have no idea what I am doing. I should get a bf'ing book from library. We have made it nearly 5 weeks exclusively breastfeeding. At 4 weeks she was back up to her birth weight. 5 weeks bfing---That is a HUGE accomplishment for me. Still using the nipple shield 100% of the time but thats ok. My hand is so cramped up from holding my boob and baby that I am hurting majorly even as I type this.

 

And DH and I have resumed relations. I don't really enjoy it as much as I should or use to. I am not sure if its due to bf'ing or what? He's flying high on love so it has been a nearly every day thing...ok maybe every few days but it feels like every day. We had such a great life during the pregnancy and I guess he feels so close he's ready to pick back up. I am too, but its like getting started on a race and feeling like taking a nap halfway thru the race.

 

Ok thats my ramble. I love reading every ones posts :) Going to take a shower if I can squeeze one in!

post #7 of 107

We're doing really well here! 

 

DD1 is at her dad's for the summer and I've only talked to her once since she's been there (3 weeks).  :(  I know she's fine and having lots of fun so I don't like to call and bug her too much.  Even though I want to! 

 

SO's kids are here for 6 weeks.  That's going pretty well, but gosh do they have some really bad habits!  Ack!  Back talking, whining, arguing, physical fighting...It's nothing new with them, but in the past the longest they've ever been here is a week.  The idea of doing this all day every day for 6 weeks is overwhelming.  But we'll get through it.  Luckily SO isn't traveling as much and is going to be here during the day most of the time.  We're hoping that after a week or two it'll get better.  Of course then they just go back to their mom's and it's all undone.  So frustrating.

 

Layla is doing great.  Getting nice and chubby!  She weighed 9lbs 8oz when I weighed her on Sunday.  Unfortunately I had to weigh myself first.  I haven't weighed myself in years.  That was eye opening.  I know it's just a number, but wow.  :\  I wouldn't mind keeping the butt and boobs, but this muffin top has got to go. 

 

Nursing is going really well, and that makes me SO HAPPY!  I had a really rough time with DD1.  Screaming and crying (from both of us) and lots of pain.  I gave up after a few weeks.  It's so different with Layla.  The first week or so was rough, but now it's great.  :D 

 

At the moment I'm struggling with letting her sleep on her tummy at night.  I've been doing it during the day and she sleeps SO much better.  She's sleeps in our room, in her crib, which has a firm mattress, tight fitting sheet, no bumpers, blankets, etc.  Does anyone else let their baby sleep on their tummy at night? 

 

OneMore...my sisters and I used to do that with grass.  I think we were just amazed that it was possible, ya know?  Cutting skin with grass!?  Whoa!  I don't remember it hurting, or even bleeding. 

post #8 of 107
Thread Starter 

thank you Sarah - hers did bleed! how do you cut yourself with grass? lol

post #9 of 107
Onemore, I understand feeling like you have a toxic family. My mom is just a mean person. She came over to see the baby for the first time and didn't say one word to my 4 yr old ~ didn't even acknowledge his presence! Didn't ask how I was feeling. She looked at Deacon & held him. We had so many ultrasound abnormalities @ our 20 week scan & I think my mom only came by to see if he was "normal" because after she saw him once she lost interest and hasn't called/returned calls since. My dad hasn't shown any interest in the baby, hasn't met the baby, etc. It makes me so grateful that at least DH has a friendly dad & stepmom so the kids have some loving grandparents in their lives. I have felt worried about losing DH as well for the same reasons you mentioned. Although lately I am super irritated with my hubby. I think I could physically handle resuming relations but I'm crabby and don't really want that right now! Nursing makes me feel kind of....it's hard to describe but I spend so much time snuggled close to Deacon while nursing and while baby wearing that when I put him in his bassinet at night I want my personal space! Plus I'm kind of mad at DH these days. Don't really want him touching me.

Sarah, how awesome that nursing is going so well this time! And omg I feel ya on the muffin top!! Let's go walking together!! Oh, and I let Deacon sleep on his tummy at night. He sleeps nearly 5 hours at night on his tummy as long as I feed him and burp him right before bed. I bought the Angel Care monitor that sounds an alarm if he were to stop breathing so that gives me peace of mind. Plus he has a tight sheet and all that. He clearly prefers his tummy, and its not like he is sleeping with teddy bears or blankets that could suffocate him so I just let him enjoy his tummy sleep :-)

I need to remember to take my placenta capsules!! I had to quit taking them when I got mastitis (apparently the capsules can make mastitis worse and it is recommended that they not be taken if mama has an infection) & now that I dont have mastitisI need to remember them every day. They are supposed to help with my mood and I am getting increasingly concerned about my moodiness.

I scheduled a salon apt for tomorrow. I am getting a nice new haircut and some highlights and maybe a mani/pedi as well. I am pumping a bottle for DH and taking some time to myself. I need it desperately.

My new ring sling should arrive tomorrow - yay!
post #10 of 107

ugh, my DH is bugging me so much lately, too!  I feel bad. I know it is mostly me, and being moody... but man.  I think we just need to spend some time together that doesn't have kids or discussion of bills or schedules, etc. ... like some fun, but no sex, thank you... not interested in that at all.  LOL
 

post #11 of 107

Hrrmmm...I'm not really interested in being touched at all either.  Or talked to, really.  The more the kids play outside right now, the better.

 

A little sleep, and the baby being content is a really great thing.  I'm a totally different person if I just get a little sleep.  That's really not too much to ask, right?  Dh has been helping a lot, though.  He started getting up around 5 so he could take her for a few hours before he left for work.  That gave me a two or so hours of solid sleep, and also, I got it right before I had to get up and take care of the other kids, so I was relatively fresh for the day.  It was working great, but the last two nights it backfired.  Dd was sleeping quite happily with me and didn't want to go with Daddy, lol.  We had decided for him to take her even if she was asleep because she tends to be wiggly and disturbs me anyway.  But, her belly issues are so much better (no tea! no dairy! and maybe no chocolate, but I'm not ready to admit that), so she's not wiggly all the time.  Anyway, when he took her yesterday and today, she was fussy for him, and kept wanting to nurse, and kept crying...so I was woken up over and over and so were the kids.  Oh well, tomorrow I'll just keep her. :)

post #12 of 107

last week i wrote out my birth story with a lot of thought and it never posted for me. took an hour to type. also for some reason i can not get any of my images to post. ( may need to update my java or adobe? ) so i am inviting  anyone here to add me to their facebook so you can view my birth album of Aaronne Stanley. the album is  private since some of the pics are a bit graphic but i add anyone who friend requests me from here to view the album. my name is lisa skowronski from mount dora florida.   http://www.facebook.com/Polishprinsezz

post #13 of 107
I friended you, Lisa :-) Can't wait to read your birth story!
post #14 of 107
Quote:
Originally Posted by Onemoreontheway View Post

thank you Sarah - hers did bleed! how do you cut yourself with grass? lol

I don't really know how we figured out that we could do it.  We used the edge of those big, thick pieces that grow in clumps. 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MeredithA View Post

Onemore, I understand feeling like you have a toxic family. My mom is just a mean person. She came over to see the baby for the first time and didn't say one word to my 4 yr old ~ didn't even acknowledge his presence! Didn't ask how I was feeling. She looked at Deacon & held him. We had so many ultrasound abnormalities @ our 20 week scan & I think my mom only came by to see if he was "normal" because after she saw him once she lost interest and hasn't called/returned calls since. My dad hasn't shown any interest in the baby, hasn't met the baby, etc. It makes me so grateful that at least DH has a friendly dad & stepmom so the kids have some loving grandparents in their lives. I have felt worried about losing DH as well for the same reasons you mentioned. Although lately I am super irritated with my hubby. I think I could physically handle resuming relations but I'm crabby and don't really want that right now! Nursing makes me feel kind of....it's hard to describe but I spend so much time snuggled close to Deacon while nursing and while baby wearing that when I put him in his bassinet at night I want my personal space! Plus I'm kind of mad at DH these days. Don't really want him touching me.
Sarah, how awesome that nursing is going so well this time! And omg I feel ya on the muffin top!! Let's go walking together!! Oh, and I let Deacon sleep on his tummy at night. He sleeps nearly 5 hours at night on his tummy as long as I feed him and burp him right before bed. I bought the Angel Care monitor that sounds an alarm if he were to stop breathing so that gives me peace of mind. Plus he has a tight sheet and all that. He clearly prefers his tummy, and its not like he is sleeping with teddy bears or blankets that could suffocate him so I just let him enjoy his tummy sleep :-)
I need to remember to take my placenta capsules!! I had to quit taking them when I got mastitis (apparently the capsules can make mastitis worse and it is recommended that they not be taken if mama has an infection) & now that I dont have mastitisI need to remember them every day. They are supposed to help with my mood and I am getting increasingly concerned about my moodiness.
I scheduled a salon apt for tomorrow. I am getting a nice new haircut and some highlights and maybe a mani/pedi as well. I am pumping a bottle for DH and taking some time to myself. I need it desperately.
My new ring sling should arrive tomorrow - yay!

We should!  I want to start walking the trails by the river.  But I want to wait until I get some essential oils I ordered online so I can make bug spray.  :)  I'll text you! :)  Enjoy your alone time tomorrow!  :)

Quote:
Originally Posted by forestmushroom View Post

ugh, my DH is bugging me so much lately, too!  I feel bad. I know it is mostly me, and being moody... but man.  I think we just need to spend some time together that doesn't have kids or discussion of bills or schedules, etc. ... like some fun, but no sex, thank you... not interested in that at all.  LOL
 

I'm glad I'm not the only one!  Part of me wants to, but a bigger part doesn't.  He's being sweet about it though.  Not pressuring me.  He does grab my butt a lot more lately though.  lol

Quote:
Originally Posted by polishprinsezz View Post

last week i wrote out my birth story with a lot of thought and it never posted for me. took an hour to type. also for some reason i can not get any of my images to post. ( may need to update my java or adobe? ) so i am inviting  anyone here to add me to their facebook so you can view my birth album of Aaronne Stanley. the album is  private since some of the pics are a bit graphic but i add anyone who friend requests me from here to view the album. my name is lisa skowronski from mount dora florida.   http://www.facebook.com/Polishprinsezz

I'm adding you too!

post #15 of 107

ugh DD will not nap unless she is on me.  If I put her in the bassinet, it's only a matter of time before she's crying.  I did manage to get her to take a nap in the swing - which I hate, but I needed a break.  It's been this way for two weeks now.  At night I can usually get her to sleep ok in the bassinet from 11PM to 5AM, but even at 5AM she starts grunting and makes all sorts of sounds until her next feeding 2 hours later.  I've tried wearing her in the Moby and a Mei Tai, but she either screams or wants to nurse.  DH wears her in the Mei Tai like a pro, but for some reason I can't.  Is this normal?  I did lay a blanket down on the floor this morning and laid next to her while she slept - we were able to do that for 2 hours.  It just seems like she knows if I'm close by or not, and if I'm not she gets fussy.  It also seems like if I want to hold her, I'm going to have to nurse her because she immediately starts rooting and it doesn't seem to matter if I just fed her or not.  She'll be 4 weeks on Sunday.

post #16 of 107

casmer, I think its normal. Babies absolutely know if mom is close by. My DH can lay on the couch and place baby on his chest and he instantly falls asleep. If I do the same thing, he starts rooting and grunting. He knows the boobs are nearby and wants access to them! This is why I bought a ring sling. I figure once I learn how to use it and nurse in it, it will allow me to get some things done around the house! Now at night, Deacon does sleep in his bassinet for a few hours at a time like your little one...but he would certainly prefer to be snuggled up next to me. smile.gif During the day he likes to sleep in my arms, but he also will sometimes sleep in his chair

 

Sarah, what essential oils did you order and how did you make your bug spray? 

post #17 of 107

oh gosh, babies TOTALLY know if mom is close.  Mine does NOT sleep away from me.  Rarely.  And for like 10 minutes max.  My other 2 were like this as babies as well.  I feel like by 3 months-ish they are somewhat used to being in the outside world and will sleep away from you for longer periods of time, but the newborn period is like the 4th trimester, some say, so it's really hard for babies to sleep away from mom.  I am holding a baby ALL.DAY.LONG.  Thank goodness for baby wearing!!!!  We're dealing with a lot with our baby needing open heart surgery and having just spent a week and a half in the hospital (lots of that on a vent... ick!) so I feel like she is extra moody and clingy.  So I am giving her ALL the snuggles she wants.

post #18 of 107

Yeah, totally normal for babies to not want to be away from mama or sleep very long.  I can put A down in his little rocking chir next to me, but only after holding him for 15 min or so after he falls asleep to know he is in REM sleep and won't just wake up when I put him down.  I have to rock him gently, too.  Which I can do with my foot.  

 

Otherwise I nurse him on the ergo, and then he will sleep and then nurse...

 

Swaddling works well, too to get him to sleep longer... but I think swaddling will be one of our nighttime cues so I will stop swaddling him during the day very soon.

post #19 of 107
Quote:
Originally Posted by casmer View Post

ugh DD will not nap unless she is on me.  If I put her in the bassinet, it's only a matter of time before she's crying.  I did manage to get her to take a nap in the swing - which I hate, but I needed a break.  It's been this way for two weeks now.  At night I can usually get her to sleep ok in the bassinet from 11PM to 5AM, but even at 5AM she starts grunting and makes all sorts of sounds until her next feeding 2 hours later.  I've tried wearing her in the Moby and a Mei Tai, but she either screams or wants to nurse.  DH wears her in the Mei Tai like a pro, but for some reason I can't.  Is this normal?  I did lay a blanket down on the floor this morning and laid next to her while she slept - we were able to do that for 2 hours.  It just seems like she knows if I'm close by or not, and if I'm not she gets fussy.  It also seems like if I want to hold her, I'm going to have to nurse her because she immediately starts rooting and it doesn't seem to matter if I just fed her or not.  She'll be 4 weeks on Sunday.

 

Your DD will sleep from 11-5?! Holy cow, I'm jealous! My DD wakes every 45-90 minutes. I am lucky, lucky, lucky if I get 2-3 hours at a stretch at night. During the day she wants to nurse constantly, and I'm lucky to get an hour. I say you're doing great!

post #20 of 107
@sandy, not consecutively, she still wakes every 2-3 hours to feed. At 5AM, when I put her down again she grunts off and on until 7 or so, but she sleeps nicely in between that 11-5 hour block - any other time is a crap shoot. She's asleep during the grunting, but I certainly can't sleep through all of that racket! Right now she's in the swing and wide awake...at least she's not upset. We will do some tummy time here in a bit, which she likes up to a certain point.
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