As a mother, homeschooler, recent empty nester, private tutor and educational consultant, I only know what I know, but here is my opinion on this question.
The term "gifted" is used very inconsistently even within professional education circles. One school with have a "gifted program" for all kids other than the "mainstream" kids, and in that school it might mean that the kids who really struggle and the kids whose parents don't know how to advocate for their kids have their kids placed in "mainstream" while kids who are very bright and kids whose parents advocate successfully for their kids are in the "gifted program." In other words, there is a big overlap between the ability levels of the two groups AND the term gifted doesn't mean anything in that context except "not struggling with school."
However, if you are a "master teacher" and your school pays for you to go to a three day seminar in the city on the subject of teaching gifted children, you will not be learning how to teach the kids in the "not struggling" group. You will be learning how to identify and challenge those very rare kids who are shoe in's for going to Harvard, MIT, Stanford, Caltech, etc. You can be a school teacher of the "gifted program" classes for thirty years and never have one of these kids in your classroom. You can be an administrator for thirty years in a large city school system and only encounter one of them. This type of child doesn't have to be diagnosed to be recognized. This is the baby who is talking to the doctor at nine months and and tricking his mom cleverly earlier than that. This is the kid who intimidates adults when he's five because he uses such complex vocabulary and discusses such high level concepts.
Now, there are kids in between who are also called by some "gifted." These are the kids who are truly more intelligent than average to the point where even without a parent's advocacy, they would be quickly identified once enrolled in school and placed in the "gifted program." They may or may not be challenged there, but they usually will be fairly content and may or may not supplement their school learning with learning outside of school. The difference between this kind of kid and the truly, technically gifted child as defined by experts in giftedness is that the rare version of kid is years ahead before he or she starts school and voraciously consumes knowledge from many sources on top of what he or she is made to learn in school. In fact, this child is often told by teachers to stop answering all the questions and wait a few years to share their knowledge in class because it's too complex for the class to understand.
Many but certainly not all of the rare gifted type kids end up in Tier 1 colleges. Tier 1 colleges also have kids from the less rare "gifted" categories, but those kids are typically very organized and hard workers wherease the rare gifted kids have never needed to be that organized and work hard only because they can't stop themselves from learning, not because they are trying to compete or please anyone. It's very possible and I saw it last year for a valedictorian of a large school to fail to get into any Tier 1 schools while the kid at position 15 gets into a dozen or more Tier 1 schools with full ride offers. Why? Because the valedictorian did her work conscientiously, possibly getting a little help from parents but generally on her own. But, she stopped there. She was following instructions, but she wasn't running after knowledge, doing unique things, completing programs at universities that few can dream of getting into. The rare gifted kid couldn't care less about his class rank but was just getting his homework out of the way so that he could read more college textbooks and study the latest cello concerto he found, talk with his friends from overseas on Google Plus, play his theramin and generally have his own intellectual life. The valedictorian with coaching can get into the Ivy League school the next year, but only by doing some things the rare gifted kid did naturally. '
This is not about who is better, ranking, etc. It's just to point out that saying someone is intellectually gifted is usually meaningless. Even teachers will say that about a child who is merely smart. But, in a sense, all children are gifted. They are all very valuable and potentially may make tremendous contributions. Many people who are of average or slightly higher intelligence make outstanding contributions, and some who have great intellectual advantages live wasted lives.
All that to say that I would not be too concerned about the label. I would simply for all children provide an educationally rich environment that allows them to be constantly learning, without pressure or restrictions from living a balanced life. You can also affect their IQ by providing such an environment, and parents really do their kids a service by doing so. But, don't stress. Just do it and enjoy it. Your child will in some ways seek their own level so to speak, yet I will be the first to say that if you are not careful, kids by their very nature can get caught up in distractions or waste their intellect on TV or other relatively mindless activities. So, don't be passive, but don't be panicked either.
Now about perfectionism. In general, that is an inborn personality trait and not brought on by pressure to perform unless there is some kind of unhealthy mentoring where the child is afraid to be imperfect due to displeasing someone or not being good enough. Perfectionism is a typical trait for truly gifted children but they don't have a corner on the market. If you go to Caltech, you will find many, many perfectionists. They may be perfectionistic in some areas of their lives and not others. That may be part of their ability to do some things very well. You didn't cause it. You can't change it. You can help them deal with it in a healthy manner, but don't worry about it. You in fact might be a perfectionist in the area of mothering, so he might have gotten it in part from you. It's not a bad trait or a sign of mental illness. Sure it can be annoying and it can in some ways be a barrier, but it also as I said can be part of the path to success, so embrace it in some areas and teach your child to accept imperfection in other areas IF you can. A perfectionistic child may pace all night trying to think of the perfect essay topic and write it brilliantly in his head when in fact he could type it out on the computer in an hour and get an A+ and then sleep at night. But, he won't, because that would be ingenuine, and a perfectionist will either insist on being genuine or will if he has a manipulative bent insist on writing the perfectly manipulative essay, one that cannot fail.
To get a little personal, I never had my son's IQ tested. I was able to estimate it based on a variety of criteria, and those education professionals who watched him carefully also estimated about the same IQ. But, what difference would it make if we had him tested? He could care less. He wouldn't do anything differently. And, people get bent out of shape if you quote your IQ or your child's so, why bother?
For gifted kids of the rare type, of the more regular type, or of very specific types such as the musical genius, the answer is the same. Challenge them at all times but without negative pressure. Think about it. Nobody who created a curriculum or wrote a book every met your child. They have no clue what your child needs. Using a curriculum can be useful to make sure you don't miss anything or to track what kids in large groups know and don't know individually. And, they can be useful in documenting your homeschooling so that you just teach whatever your child needs to learn and then make sure that everything in that curriculum is covered in some way so you can honestly tell the state if you need to that you covered that curriculum, even if you didn't use that book. Now, this is for people who are homeschooling and have the time to give them those opportunities. It would be more difficult if you weren't home much or your child were gone a lot, but you can still enrich a great deal while your child is in a formal school. Just don't let kids ever be held back by being in classes that are just way to basic for them. That is wasting their life.
So, if you have a rare gifted type child, you may not have a single good solution for education available other than homeschooling, although some districts in large cities may have some solutions that at least partly meet the need. For everyone else, if you are in a high population area, you can probably get resources through the schools and supplement at home taking care to make supplementing fun and low pressure, not more work. In rural areas, you are probably on your own unless it's a wealthy area and then you will probably have some resources that would have to be supplemented.
What I am saying is that the only thing to worry about is making sure your child has positive, constant challenge. Being labelled as gifted doesn't mean that much. It's what you do to allow him to grow intellectually, socially, spiritually, etc. that counts. And, try to avoid allowing him into a program that had him do the regular schoolwork and then piles on more work for the "gifted" kids. That is pure silliness. Gifted kids need sleep and play too.
I would also be cautious about skipping grades. It usually doesn't put them in a challenging situation if they are the rare gifted type, and then they are the youngest, least socially developed, last to get their drivers license, etc. If you're going to skip, skip one grade only or just go to college under parental supervision. I really am not a fan of going to college early and refused to allow my own son to do that or to go to the state science and math school at the university. That just leaves a young adolescent who still is learning life skills on a college campus without parents and with easy access to substances and unsupervised dorm rooms at night. Parents usually have no clue what is really going on there, and those kids arrive at their Tier 1 college with more experience than is in their best interests.
I hope you guys don't mind that I'm so opinionated on these topics. I have lived them for nineteen years as a parent and teacher and have come to some conclusions that I feel very confident about. If only someone had told me all this first, things would have been easier. Things turned out well, but less worry and wondering would have helped.