how can I help?

[Triniity]

Hi,

my friend is going through a really rough time. We are a group of four women, all had their third child and three of them are perfectly healthy, but the last woman gave birth to a very, very sick baby.

they did not know before birth, it was a normal delivery, but the baby boy did not breath, was rescucitated and ventilated. After a couple of weeks they found out that he has chondroplasia punctata and very likly broke his neck at the delivery, causing him severe breathing problems. He is not tetraplegic though, he does move - a bit.

They will get him home next week, he will need to stay on a ventilator. A nurse is coming for 16 hours a day, they can choose which times.

How can I help the mother? She is quite quiet and shy, not aksing for anything, sometimes she does accept help as in taking her kids in and stuff (but this is done by one of the other women, since she lives really close to the hospital)

I am wondering for example the baptism of my dd2, i would like to invite her but i don`t want to cause pain for her. we at´re not that close, because she is so quiet and calm and i am so not. it is difficult for me to know what people think if they don't openly tell me, if ykwm.

any suggestions?

[SpottedFoxx]

You are a good person to tread so lightly.  I'd ask the woman who is close to her how she thinks the invitation would be received.  Maybe even ask her what she thinks you can do to help the family.  Maybe you can make a casserole or something for the family that they can freeze and heat up in a pinch (lasagna for example).  Maybe invite them to your home for a play date?  

[askew]

I had a baby in the NICU from a stroke at birth, and three of my friends delivered healthy girls the same month. It was not easy. I actually did not want to be around them much. I accepted help most from my family and the one friend I had with an older special needs child. I think it is amazing that you are reaching out, but just wanted to share my state of mind in case she rejects your help. My MIL came to stay for two months, but had she not been here, food would have been the thing I needed most. Meals, shopping for me, giftcards for take out. Also help with the older kids too. 

[Triniity]

thank you for your input. 

askew, i would totally not be hurt, that's what i am afraid of, actually hurting her by trying to help. 

how is your baby now? 

at the moment i am doing what i can do best, organizing stuff and looking things up. getting contacts for her and things like that. 

i think part of the problem is that this is the great unknown for us all, i think she does not even know what she will need. 

[askew]

Originally Posted by Triniity 

askew, i would totally not be hurt, that's what i am afraid of, actually hurting her by trying to help. 

how is your baby now? 

She is doing great, actually. She is our little miracle. We were told when she was born that she would never walk or talk and might not even know we were in the room. She turns three this summer, and she walks and talks, and attends the same preschool my son did. She is behind her peers by 6-9 months- but she is wonderful.