Don't know what to do RE: Potty Learning and Taking off Diaper

[rlandnl]

Hi!

I have a 22 month old little girl who insists on taking her diaper off constantly.  She can get out of every single outfit she has, and when she does off comes the diaper.  I have tried putting the diaper on backwards but it really doesn't absorb well nor does it fit her well that way.  Now the logical thing would be that she wants to PL right? Well we have a potty seat that attaches to the toilets and we have a little potty in the living room.  I have tried everything to get her to go in there, and she will occassionaly, but most of the time she takes her diaper off, says PEE so we put her on the potty, she doesn't go, she stands up and pees on the floor, or we put the diaper back on leave the room to do whatever and she takes it off, pees on the floor and then says "nau-ny" (naughty) so she knows shes not supposed to pee on the floor but she does anyway.  I don't get angry with her, I don't scold her, she and I clean it up and we move on.  But it's getting old, she pees right next to the potty.  she knows how to sit on it, she knows what it's for but she just pees on the floor.  I have old hardwood floors that need refinishing so the pee soaks in really quickly too. 

What would you do?????? What can I do? Is the beginning of PL? I have no idea what it "looks" like to PL my son was 3 wanted cars underware I said fine, you pee and poop on the potty and you can have them and within 48 hours was trained.  So this is all new to me, if this is the beginning and VERY soon she'll pee on the potty I might be able to live with it lol but....

[skycheattraffic]

If you aren't already, let her into the bathroom when you need to go. She may sound like she understands but without seeing the process in action, a lot of kids don't get it. The sit on the potty for a second then get up and pee right beside it is a classic relaxation issue. My DD is 14 months old (we are late ECers) and she used to do this to my DH almost daily. What I found to work is to get down to her level and read/sing/play or otherwise entertain to keep her on the potty for a while. Often she just needed to relax for a minute to release the muscles. If I was washing my hands or getting a clean diaper then it was a guaranteed puddle on the floor.

With the taking the diapers off, you can either move to training pants/underwear or examine the diapers you have. Disposables and Velcro cloth are notoriously easy for a smart toddler to take off. Snap closure cloth is more difficult, you really have to tug at them to unsnap.

Quick thought: is she taking the diapers off when wet/dirty or constantly? If she just doesn't want to wear them then maybe they irritate her skin or are uncomfortable somehow.

It sounds to me like she is figuring out her bodily sensations and I would opt for the potty myself.
Good luck!

[lovepickles]

I think this might be a power struggle and a "naughty" issue. It doesn't seem helpful to call her this. She is probably sensing your irritation and keeps repeating the behavior to investigate your reaction. In all cases like this I'd be delicate but honest with her about how her behavior makes you feel.

I'd also give her pullups and allow her to take them on and off as often as she chooses. This is progress and it should be encouraged even though it can be annoying and messy. Fussing over a diaper with her needs to end. If she pees don't move her because that is confusing. The next time she pees on the floor just say "I don't like pee pee on the floor. I like pee pee in a diaper or in the potty. Pee pee on the floor is messy. Let's clean it up." Our DD peed on the floor or bathroom rug for a little while before she decided she didn't like her leg to get all wet.

This isn't an overnight kind of deal. Potty learning is very gradual and each phase takes time. And just because you hit one phase doesn't always mean they are ready for the next one. Take your time and be patient.

<3
 

[pickle18]

Originally Posted by skycheattraffic 

If you aren't already, let her into the bathroom when you need to go. She may sound like she understands but without seeing the process in action, a lot of kids don't get it. The sit on the potty for a second then get up and pee right beside it is a classic relaxation issue. My DD is 14 months old (we are late ECers) and she used to do this to my DH almost daily. What I found to work is to get down to her level and read/sing/play or otherwise entertain to keep her on the potty for a while. Often she just needed to relax for a minute to release the muscles. If I was washing my hands or getting a clean diaper then it was a guaranteed puddle on the floor.

  We started doing EC with DS @ 9 months.  He's 14 months now, mostly dry during the day, and will even take himself to the potty sometimes, so he absolutely is used to it and knows what it's for, etc. - but he still needs help with relaxing on the potty.  In fact, I often have to show him I have a book in hand to get him to stay seated!  

Reading, singing, playing, or even a few moments of TV (if that's ok in your house) may distract her long enough to relax.  A little patience goes a long way!  Little kids that age are soooo busy it's hard to sit still, plus she's just learning what those urges feel like and how to control/release them.

And definitely let her see you going, and narrate what you are doing.  It seems silly but can really help - if she does go in the potty, or while you are on the potty, remind her how it feels so good to go pee pee in the potty, what a relief! etc.

One other thing I picked up off a thread on here is to remind her that she is the boss of the pee - it really works well.  That when the pee is trying to come out, that she can say, "No, pee, don't come out yet!" until she gets on the potty.  I think that is a helpful connection for them as well (coupled with help relaxing once they get there).

I'm also wondering where she got the "naughty" thing from, if you hadn't mentioned it to her - perhaps emphasize that it isn't "naughty," if she says that - that it's no big deal, that you can tell she is really close to using the potty, and that you will help her to relax so she can go in the potty next time.  

It's a collaborative effort - if my DS has a miss (accident, rephrased in EC terms) I will say, "Ooops!  I'm sorry, I wasn't paying close enough attention to get you to the potty in time," or gently remind him to let me know if he has to pee so I can help him, but that it's not a big deal. I know it's hard to maintain positivity, but she's not out to get you - reframing it as no big deal, smiling and rolling on helps me as much as him!

[rlandnl]

Let me be clear I have never once nor do I ever plan on calling her naughty. She knows what naughty is because when her brother gets in trouble that's what I say, he is 9, and autistic he needs to understand there is a name for his behavior, and again I never call HIM naughty I say what he's doing is naughty. I also call certain behaviors our dog does naughty. She is smart enough to put two and two together, and know that that behavior of peeing on the floor is naughty. But I have never told her that peeing on the floor was naughty. There are other behaviors she has done that I call naughty. Heaving her cup across the room, I say "Sarah we don't throw our cups, that's naughty". I dont label my children as good or bad but I do label behaviors as good or bad. I feel it's important to let our children know what behavior is ok and what behavior is not ok.

she comes in the bathroom with myself hubby and my son frequently. there was a time a couple months back, maybe 6 or so that she was peeing on the potty constantly. She wouldn't use the little potty but would pee on the big potty a lot. She would ask literally 15 times or more an hour and I would take her up EVERY SINGLE TIME. I didn't scold her if she didn't go I didn't even make a big deal if she didn't but if she did we would clap and cheer and she would get to use toilet paper and wash her hands (2 things she loves) then all of a sudden she stopped asking and stopped going, and that was fine. I didn't care at all I figured she's young and she will do it when she's ready. We follow her lead on almost EVERYTHING.

I will try to just let her do what she needs to its just hard she wants to help clean up the pee but she also doesn't seem to care when I say we put pee in the potty not on the floor. I'll just keep trying. We are camping next week so I may just let her go diaperless and have her potty right out in the open if she pees on the ground it's not a big deal....

[rlandnl]

I also wanted to say we do read every time she's on the potty.  When she sits she tells us "sit down" and then "book read" she knows what's what as far as that goes, I just think she's not patient enough to wait for it.  But while I was in the middle of that previous post she said "pee" and took her shorts off, I ran in and unbuttoned the onesie took off her dry diaper and made her sit, I didn't let her get up because she kept getting up and trying to squat on the floor.... I coudl smell that she needed to poop.  We read 8 or 10 books and then she finally pooped and peed.  You are right that she needs patience but she just doesn't ahve it lol I am more than willing to sit there and wait as long as it takes but she's just so "busy"

Thanks for the suggestions!

[pickle18]

Sounds like you are doing great - just keep on keepin' on, mama!  I don't know that I can think of anything else other than trying to find more things to entertain her long enough - some diaper free time might just do the trick.

I know with EC, alot of parents report that right before their child "graduates" (achieves potty independence) they have a "potty pause" where they backtrack for a while, or refuse to use the potty at all.  It can be really frustrating!  I think it's part of the process of taking it over themselves.  Usually parents are advised to just back off the whole potty thing, not offer, let it be totally child led, etc. - but with her removing her diapers, it throws you a curve ball.  Would it be possible to put her in pull-ups and clothes that are easy for her to get up and down by herself? (I know, that might make the messes more frequent! haha but it might help her put two and two together and feel proud doing it herself)

Would putting her potty near a window or outside help?  Or trying the big potty again?  Or coming up with a silly song she can sing with you?  Sometimes a little difference can make it more interesting.  It sounds like she is very close to me.  Good luck!