What are some good, age appropriate ways to teach appropriate touch to 3 boys, age 7, 5, and 4? My oldest does know that no on aside from parents help clean or the dr doing her exam, should be touching his privates and not to touch others. However, I feel I should maybe give more indepth info? My kids are very naive so they really don't know what sex is and have even yet to ask how babies are made, so I was wondering, how in depth do you go when teaching? Any good books that we could read to them and them get good info out of it without it being too much? I am not a prude and have no problem talking about our bodies etc, but somehow this topic had really not been delved into all that much.
Teaching good and bad touch(mostly bad!)
Oh, someone just linked a good book on teaching sex ed. THis one: http://www.what-makes-a-baby.com/ I also like the Growing, Growing Strong book that Oak Meadow uses as part of it's health curriculum.
My DD is 6, and we usually go as in depth as she is willing to listen to. I can tell when she tunes out, and that's where we stop. She comes back to asking questions frequently, so I feel pretty good about letting her pace it.
We work at a camp for low income and at risk youth... some of our campers come from abusive situations and the foster system. We have had camper/camper issues in the distant past, and go overboard to protect children and perpetrating children from these kind of situations.
I am always really cautious with our kids who are currently 7 yo girl, 2 5 yo boys, a 3 yo girl and a baby.
I think first and foremost I view it as my responsibility to keep them safe, that isn't something that a child that age should have to do for themselves... but part of me keeping them safe is to help them know what they should do, or what others might try to do to them
I also don't want to teach them too much, making them scared/fearful and opening up a pandora like box that doesn't need to be opened.
But here is what I tell my kids when they reach age 4 and start to play a bit more freely around camp...
I intro by saying there are people who are broken inside and they are so broken that they like to hurt kids. They look like anyone, but that you can tell they are "Kid Hurters" by the things they say, do or ask kids to do...
How Kid Hurting People Trick Children:
- They act nice, they look nice and they will promise you special things…
Just because a person looks nice on the outside doesn’t mean their heart is nice.
Kid hurting people will be really sweet and nice to you, so that you will trust them and do the bad things they want you to do. They might offer you a treat like candy, going somewhere fun or by telling you, you are special.
- Kid hurting people will make you make promises…
They will say, “Don’t tell your mommy or daddy… this is our secret.” If some one says that YOU HAVE to tell mommy right away.
If some one asks you to go some where alone with them RUN AWAY and find mommy or daddy right away!
If some one offers you a treat of ANY KIND you must first say, “I need to ask my mom or dad first”… and come to us.
If some one tells you that you are their special girl or boy or that they love you COME TELL US.
- Kid hurting people will try to get you alone so they can either take you from us or to touch you in wrong ways. (I don't tell my kids this, but also that they will make a child touch them wrongly... I am not ready to tell my kids this).
Our bodies were made to belong to ONLY US. You are the keeper of your body. NO one has the right to touch your body with out your permission.
Only mommy, daddy and a doctor can look at your private parts (those covered by a swim suit). And we will ask you if it is ok.
If some one tries to put their hands on you body or take off your clothes you must fight them, kick and scream and get away from them. They are trying to do things to hurt you!!! Don’t let them! Get to mommy and daddy as fast as you can!
If a grown up shows you their body or wants you to touch it this is bad too! You should never touch or see another persons private body... this too could be left out for younger kids or all together.
- Some times Kid Hurting people are people we know…
They might be campers, counselors, people that work at camp, church people or even people in our family. If one of these people you trust tries to break the rules please tell us… we will believe you.
Some times Kid Hurters say they will hurt you or hurt your family if you tell any one, this isn’t true. It is a lie! They will just keep hurting you. Daddy and mommy NEED TO KNOW if anyone says they will hurt us so that we can tell the police or stop them!
- Never go with someone alone.
- Never let anyone offer you candy or fun with out telling mom.
- Always tell mom and dad if someone tells you to keep a secret from us or others.
- Always tell mom and dad if someone says you are THEIR special girl or boy, or that they love you…
- Never let anyone touch you in your swim suit areas… privates… that is YOUR body and you can tell them NO and run to mom and dad.
- You MUST have a huge, horrible fit if some one tries to take you, hurt you or touch you!
- Be a smart girl or boy about the people you know.
- Stay with mom and dad at all times while we are at camp.