or Connect
Mothering › Groups › Parenting with an Aspergers Partner › Discussions › WWYD- Husband going away after new baby?

WWYD- Husband going away after new baby?

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 

We are still waiting for baby #2 any day now.  I had really hoped and expected that this little one would come a bit on the earlier side.   

 

There is a great workshop next weekend that DH really wants to go to.  It is taught by an author that he really likes and respects.  The teacher is rarely in the US and will be doing the class here in our state only 3.5 hours away.   Because I had thought that the baby would be here already, I had been encouraging DH to think about going.  It would be really good for him.  He is so stressed out by work, feeling resentful that he is the one having to manage everything for our business now, and generally uninspired about his life.  He needs a chance to get reconnected to his purpose and passion, and I think that this could really help.  But now that we are only a week away from the class and baby isn't here yet, I'm not so sure that we can swing it.

 

For one thing, I was planning on having a laying-in time with the new baby.  I was able to do this last time with DD for three weeks.  This time, I'm aiming for 9 days.  So this workshop will fall right within that time.  We already have my parents helping out on that weekend, but they don't want to do 24 hour care for DD, baby, and me for three days straight.  I might be able to find others to help us out a bit, but I still may have to give up on the laying-in idea.  

 

Also, I'm not sure how the post-birth hormon shift is going to go.  Last time, I was all over the place (which is a reason why the laying-in was so nice, I didn't have to deal with anything but myself, baby, and nursing).  I'm sure that DH would love an excuse to get away from the house during the emotional roller coaster. lol.gif  

 

The other thing to consider is that he only has until the end of June to really be focused on the family.  July and August start to get busy for work again.  So this weekend would cut into our family time.

 

Also, while the workshop itself will probably be great, it will be taxing for him to make the drive and VERY taxing to be with a group of people he doesn't know well for 3 days straight.  While I think that it would be great for him to go in the big picture of his life, in the immediate reality he will probably come back really burned out and needed to go isolate himself from people for another day or two. So, I couldn't expect him to just jump back into family life full of energy and joy.  

 

For NT husbands, it might not be a big deal to go away for a few days because they could jump right back into things and would be more energized by the trip.  Or, it might be harder to have a NT husband go because they are able to provide more emotional support during the tough postpartum time.  At least this time with baby #2 I know more about DH's needs and also more about what is coming.  But I still don't know what the right thing to do is.  I hate for him to miss this chance, but I feel like I am so often putting his needs first and this might be one of those times I really can't do it. 

 

So, what do you all think?  

post #2 of 3

Just thought I'd post to bump your thread up for attention.  smile.gif

post #3 of 3

I've been busy and haven't been back to MDC in a while. Did you have your baby?! :D

 

It's probably too late now, but is there a way he can take the class by just reading a manual or something instead of going to a class? Someone really needs to write a book about how fathers/partners can be helpful and understanding during the birthing process.

  Return Home
Mothering › Groups › Parenting with an Aspergers Partner › Discussions › WWYD- Husband going away after new baby?