Mucho privato.. but need help. - Page 6

[eclipse]

Originally Posted by laohaire 

Do you work so hard to avoid other "heavy-sounding" words?

I don't know how a "heavy" word is constructed, but by golly, if Vulva is one, then Volvo must be too! "Mommy, what kind of car is that?" "Well, honey, it's a, uh, it's a Swedish car, honey."

Face it, the argument that the pronunciation is difficult or unpleasant is just ... let's say misleading.

The word is heavy because society imbues it with shame. It's not your fault. It's not your fault at all.

However, you have an opportunity to help this generation of women (we're right along side you) to empower our children.

Your daughter is going to grow up thinking "vulva" is weird if you can't bring yourself to say it. Is that what you want? Why not take the bull by the horns and reclaim the word?

VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA - YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My son used to tell everyone his mommy had a volvo. I did not drive a volvo.

[Imakcerka]

Originally Posted by laohaire 

Do you work so hard to avoid other "heavy-sounding" words?

I don't know how a "heavy" word is constructed, but by golly, if Vulva is one, then Volvo must be too! "Mommy, what kind of car is that?" "Well, honey, it's a, uh, it's a Swedish car, honey."

Face it, the argument that the pronunciation is difficult or unpleasant is just ... let's say misleading.

The word is heavy because society imbues it with shame. It's not your fault. It's not your fault at all.

However, you have an opportunity to help this generation of women (we're right along side you) to empower our children.

Your daughter is going to grow up thinking "vulva" is weird if you can't bring yourself to say it. Is that what you want? Why not take the bull by the horns and reclaim the word?

VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA VULVA - YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  Who let you out of the MDC closet?  It's Vulvita!

[laohaire]

Oops, my bad.

Yet.... "Mommy has a Volvo" works for the grocery store line.

"Mommy has a vulvita" - you're gonna get looks, man.

[laohaire]

I guess than answer is to call it a Volvo, then. Mystery Solved.

[Imakcerka]

Originally Posted by laohaire 

I guess than answer is to call it a Volvo, then. Mystery Solved.

Hmmm, I like your style.

[philomom]

Originally Posted by eclipse 

My son used to tell everyone his mommy had a volvo. I did not drive a volvo.

My kids did the same thing!


Really, use the right words... everyone! You do not wipe your vagina when you pee! You wipe your vulva or labia.

[Angelorum]

LOL at volvo!  My son couldn't quite remember the word vulva when I told him what my parts were called, so he started calling it my Zelda.  Much less embarrassing in public, but still something I'm going to have to correct him on.  Maybe I'll wait until we are home though!
 

[podsnap]

My mom was the kind of mom who openly discussed her vaginal odors and her irregular menstrual cycles with me and even she called it a tinkler.

[artekah]

I thought I would share this fascinating linguistics article for anyone who's interested. It discusses exactly which elements make an English word beautiful or ugly sounding. (Most beautiful-sounding word: tremulous, which I agree is beautiful.)

http://www.davidcrystal.com/DC_articles/English51.pdf

By these standards, which make a lot of sense, the word vagina is indeed on the ugly/harsh-sounding side, (which I think is what OP meant by "heavy?") but it's certainly not the worst. Vulva is much better-sounding (the word velvet sounds similar and is actually on a list of beautiful words). You could just decide to call it your velvet.

But I think of all the available words, yoni is the prettiest-sounding, and also has the nicest meaning/etymology. It is not cutesy at all, and would be very nice to sing to a little one. Labia is also very pretty-sounding.

I do think that the sound of the word alone is probably not the thing that turns OP off. You can't really detach words from their meanings completely, or it's very hard to anyway.

[Nicole730]

Originally Posted by philomom 


My kids did the same thing!
Really, use the right words... everyone! You do not wipe your vagina when you pee! You wipe your vulva or labia.

I don't know, I am two weeks from my due date and it sure feels like I have been wiping vagina the last few days.  

I am trying to use the word vulva, but I was taught vagina and didn't even realize how it was incorrect until recently.  I am immature and vulva makes me giggle, it does sound supercute when the kids say bulba though.

[akcowgirl]

We use girl parts. As in " clean your girl parts well"

[newmamalizzy]

Hmm.. I was thinking about this more, and I think I tend to associate the word vulva, in particular, with only the sexual functions of the girl parts.  Not so much the "wipe yourself after you pee" function.  Probably because I learned the word vulva in the context of sex ed.  Also, as for the "fight the shame" perspective...I feel like I don't want my 2 year old fighting the shame without knowing she's saying something controversial.  She's sensitive, and I'm pretty sure she would feel bad about herself if she uses the word vulva in public and gets a bad reaction from the unenlightened folk at the grocery store.  I think is often imparted before kids are old enough to understand things like that, and there's a lot of different ways that shame can be caused, and a lot of other people who can cause it.  I'll tell her the word "vulva" when she's old enough to understand that she shouldn't talk about her private parts in public. 

[Diyan]

Originally Posted by Blessed_Mom 

This is exactly me. Except now you want to split hairs and state your way is right because MY tummy = stomach - but YOUR belly = nice general term for all the middle parts of your body....

Didn't mean to criticize your word - just explaining why I use the word I do.

[Dia]

I saw this thread a while ago and enjoyed reading all of your comments.

I get that the OP is done with conversation now.

So, I have to say, I mean this without criticism, it's pretty disturbing to me that the term vagina is such a bad thing to say to young girl. I can't understand it. This implies shame. Should I feel ashamed for having a vagina, should I be careful not to say the word? Should I be careful not to let my daughter know she has a vagina? Because she is young? Can't handle the word vagina or concept of having a vagina? Have I said the word vagina enough times? 

This is disturbing to me. There is already so much misogyny in the world. Your daughter will pick up on your hesitation, embarrassment, shame, even if you are not fully cognizant of it.

Children are more tuned than we often give them credit for. 

[k x s]

I don't like the words penis, vulva or vagina. I know its a cultural thing. I don't mind using them for adults but for children they just seem to have some sort of sexual connotation that I'm not comfortable with. I feel at that age pee-pee and bottom is more appropriate and easily interchangeable between genders and describes what they are doing most accurately anyway. You don't wipe your vagina you are wiping the opening you just peed out of. Otherwise I will generally refer to their gentalia as their private parts.

[IsaFrench]

that

I'll tell her the word "vulva" when she's old enough to understand that she shouldn't talk about her private parts in public.

and that

I'm pretty sure she would feel bad about herself if she uses the word vulva in public and gets a bad reaction from the unenlightened folk at the grocery store.

i think 7 or 8 is a good age for learning the exact terms for body parts

regarding school, you don't want them too precocious (and sharing recently acquired knowledge with half of the class, when some parents might come after you for indecency or something ....) but you don't want them too backwards and learn first from schoolmates (some of whom might have had access to porn films on the computer from a VERY early age, not always intentionnaly from the parents ...)
 

and this

you are wiping the opening you just peed out of.

the same for bath time in our family .... cannot remember when I started (2 or 3 years of age ? by 4 definitely) but our kids are instructed to stand up in the bath, get soap on both hands& one hand is for "le trou du pipi" and the other hand is for "le trou du caca"

DH is British so apprently in his family " we don't talk about these things" => i don't know how to translate from french to english

hence why i'm lurking on this thread ...

still haven't found the words in english that will suit me and my family best .... (and it's definitely NOT what is taught at school when learning a foreign language nor in the usual language courses.....LOL)

[IsaFrench]

yeah, just past the 1000 posts mark ... very fitting since it's the same type of thread that grabbed my attention and made me notice that thre was a mothering forum on the web (after reading the magazine for a while WITHOUT noticing ... for about 5 years, on and off ....)

[P.J.]

Originally Posted by newmamalizzy .I feel like I don't want my 2 year old fighting the shame without knowing she's saying something controversial.  She's sensitive, and I'm pretty sure she would feel bad about herself if she uses the word vulva in public and gets a bad reaction from the unenlightened folk at the grocery store.  I think is often imparted before kids are old enough to understand things like that, and there's a lot of different ways that shame can be caused, and a lot of other people who can cause it.  I'll tell her the word "vulva" when she's old enough to understand that she shouldn't talk about her private parts in public. 

Excellent point!

What kinda bothers me is the way some of the ladies here have been acting all surprised and baffled by the fact that some people are uncomfortable using the words vagina and vulva. C'mon folks, get real! We live in a very sex-shamed and shaming culture ~obviously~ and you all know darn-tootin' well that is why many people feel uncomfortable using the proper words. Unless you meant to be ironic, and even if you did, it is condescending to assume this "Whaaaaaat?! People are ashamed of their sexuality? You're kidding!" stance. We all know why people don't want to use these words. We all know we live in a sex-negative culture. Please don't pretend this is news to you.

FWIW I am very on-the-fence about this issue. I don't judge people on which words they use or don't use to describe their genitals. As a PP said, sexual shame is picked up by our children from our general tone and attitude as well as our own relationship to sexuality and how openly we approach the topic...without even saying anything directly. If you ask me, if all of those channels are open and clear, the terminology is not as important. You can be calling it yoni or vulva and yet be living in fear of your own sexuality and clam up every time your older child asks you about it, and THAT will infer shame, not the words you are using. Likewise, if you are always open to explain things and convey a relaxed attitude as well as living your own sexuality fully, then your child will pick that up and not feel shame....even if you say "willy" and "geeny" instead of the proper terms.

[P.J.]

I would also like to remind us all that the great Ina May Gaskin in her classic book Spiritual Midwifery unapologetically uses the word pussy and gives an explanation of this: she claims that words are just words and if you are so upset by a word then you need to look at that. I think it applies both ways: to those afraid to say vulva and to those who turn their nose up at a nickname. At the end of the day they are just words and there are so so many more complex factors at work in conveying shame or not.

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by P.J. 

What kinda bothers me is the way some of the ladies here have been acting all surprised and baffled by the fact that some people are uncomfortable using the words vagina and vulva. C'mon folks, get real! We live in a very sex-shamed and shaming culture ~obviously~ and you all know darn-tootin' well that is why many people feel uncomfortable using the proper words. Unless you meant to be ironic, and even if you did, it is condescending to assume this "Whaaaaaat?! People are ashamed of their sexuality? You're kidding!" stance. We all know why people don't want to use these words. We all know we live in a sex-negative culture. Please don't pretend this is news to you

But the point of the OP was to use a nickname, which many, many of us said we were fine with.  I do use nicknames and interchange them with the real terms.  But vagina doesn't really come up at all except when I was telling DD1 about how the baby would mostly likely be born and if she asks what that opening is called.    The point is that it has very little place in a bathroom discussion.

And when it's brought up over and over that vulva is a perfectly GREAT word to describe what she is trying to describe, everyone is getting all:  Anything but THAT WORD!!!"

And WHY I am so pissed at "We all know why people don't want to use these words."  

....Ugh!  No....I'm not sure why people continue to let it be this way.  We're not talking about controversial word reclamation.  We're talking about words that are looked down on due to our culture.  

I can't understand why anyone would want to keep that going for this next generation.