Mucho privato.. but need help. - Page 8

[Imakcerka]

I hate the word MOIST!!!  HATE IT!  Just wanted to share.

[Angelorum]

Moist bothers me a bit.  The word "fondle" just totally skeeves me out though!  Probably because the only context I ever heard it in when I was a kid was in reference to child abusers.  I do have trouble saying vulva, but I'm trying to get over it, because I don't think it's healthy.
 

[katelove]

Originally Posted by IsaFrench 

this disctinction hasn't been addressed much in this thread i think = do you really use the same terms when you are alone in a bathroom with your child and when you are out in public ? i would be surprised if this was the case ....

I do. My 2yo doesn't know any other words for vulva or penis.

I can't stand "panties". Ugh, makes my skin crawl.

[Buzzer Beater]

I taught both my girls the word vulva.

Dd2 loves it, and says it to everyone. She pats it and smiles. She's 2.

Dd1 hates the word, refuses to use it ever, and was shocked that her little sister uses it. She refers to her parts as her vajayjay (which I hate with a passion) even though she knows it's incorrect. She's 21.

Chock one up for the world and a dose of shame.

[katelove]

Originally Posted by Buzzer Beater 

I taught both my girls the word vulva.

Dd2 loves it, and says it to everyone. She pats it and smiles. She's 2.

Ha! That's great. My 2yo will go round the group assigning each person to a category "penis, vulva, vulva, penis" etc. Fortunately she's only done it with the family so far.

[TracyGladRags]

I worked in a daycare for a few years, and was the head teacher for the potty-training age group (kiddos who could walk, but were not yet toilet-trained, were in my class -- generally about 1.5 - 2.5 years old). It varied WILDLY what kids called their parts, and I usually just made sure to listen for them to say whatever word they wanted to use and agree with them.

I remember a kid sitting on the toilet and pointing to his (uncircumsised) penis, then saying, "what's that?" This is a weird situation to be put in as a daycare provider -- personally, I'd just want to say penis, because that's what it is, but you don't want the kid to go home and tell his mom the new word he learned. It seems sketchy, you know? Anyway, I just said, "what do you think it's called?" The answer? "My elephant!"

I also remember a girl who was taught that the word for all of her parts "down there" was "booty." This got confusing when she had a yeast infection and kept saying that her "booty" hurt.

My personal thought is that you should teach the correct words whenever possible, unless you're personally very uncomfortable saying them, because that discomfort will show and your child will absorb it. I think "vulva" is a pretty kid-friendly word, personally. Good luck to you!

[tropicana]

Originally Posted by MichelleZB 

Also, consider cunt. I think we should bring that word back. It's old and functional.

can you imagine, presenting that word to little kids who will repeat it, LOL, innocently and all... "the mom is changing the baby's diaper, and wiping her cunt." 

THAT would catch everybody's attention in a crowd...

[Ashley1987]

When my two were younger I used vulva and penis too though my mother kept insisting I have my girl call the vag tutu! My daughter would always come back from grandma's house using that word because my mother (for some odd reason) was uncomfortable with using vulva??!! If you let anyone watch your kids then make sure they use the proper words because it can become confusing for your little ones

[nearlyelated]

M 2 year old son is started making assumptions about my private parts.  Before I could label it for him he would look at me and ask, "it just comes out your bum, right?".  So I've used the work vulva with him a couple of times, but I think he's still a little confused about my obvious lack of penis.

[JollyGG]

To start out I used pee pee to name the part that pee (urine) comes out of. on both my kids. I really don't consider the term a cutesy term for penis, but more a name based on it's function. My son knew that his pee pee was also his penis. My daughter got upset that the babysitter would insist she didn't have a pee pee and instead she has a nu nu. I then told her that we'd just use the correct term and call it Vulva is she'd like. She told me she'd rather stick with pee pee, but now she does know the correct term. Now that she's past potty training age we don't need any name for that part at the sitters, but she was relived to hear that the babysitters word wasn't any more correct than the word she knew. She's gotten more comfortable with the term vulva as she's gotten a little bit older. 

[Katielady]

A friend of mine told me a great story on this subject. She was peeing, and her four-year-old son was in the room. (Aren't they always?) And he asked, "Mom, are you peeing from your penis?" and she said no, from my vulva. And he said, "Oh, that's what kind of penis you have?" She sighed and said yes, thinking to herself, "Because it's ALL about the penis!"

Also, my son as a toddler once said his knee hurt, but was pointing to his crotch so I was really confused. We finally figured out he meant his scrotum. I guess because it's red and wrinkly like a knee? Hee hee hee.
 

[Snapdragon]

I never in my life referred to my vagina as my vulva. I guess technically I was mis speaking but noone I knew ever called it a vulva! We called it a vagina and I still do. After thinking about this thread I realized that if I had or have a daughter I think I would use the word vagina. Actually this week my 2 yr old asked me (in the midst of me encouraging him to pee in his potty) generally about what mom and dad pee with and I did say dad has a penis and mom has a vagina. So I agree with people on that level of using the "correct " terms- but then I guess it isn't correct anyway if vulva is? vulva sounds odd to me and is not a word I ever used.

However, I still stand by supporting the original poster in her honest question and think that the snark and meanness given to her in response was just totally uncalled for! She wasn't saying anything about teaching her child to be ashamed of her body parts- she was just trying to find a word she felt more comfortable using and was asking this online community for opinions. I was really surprised at the turn this thread took in peoples' responses.

[philomom]

Originally Posted by Ashley1987 

When my two were younger I used vulva and penis too though my mother kept insisting I have my girl call the vag tutu! My daughter would always come back from grandma's house using that word because my mother (for some odd reason) was uncomfortable with using vulva??!! If you let anyone watch your kids then make sure they use the proper words because it can become confusing for your little ones

I grew up in the deep South... try hearing "sugar pot" as a euphemism. What a way to confuse a kid, eh?

[MichelleZB]

Originally Posted by Snapdragon 

I never in my life referred to my vagina as my vulva. 

Because it isn't! A vagina is the inside part, the part penises or tampons or stuff goes in. You wouldn't ever "wipe" your vagina unless you cram toilet paper up your vagina and, I don't know, swirl it around, then pull it out?

Vulva is the external genital organs. Vulvas are what you wipe.

And I wasn't serious about using cunt. Though I do think that is a cool word.

[Snapdragon]

Originally Posted by MichelleZB 

Because it isn't! A vagina is the inside part, the part penises or tampons or stuff goes in. You wouldn't ever "wipe" your vagina unless you cram toilet paper up your vagina and, I don't know, swirl it around, then pull it out?

Vulva is the external genital organs. Vulvas are what you wipe.

And I wasn't serious about using cunt. Though I do think that is a cool word.

I mean I know the vagina isn't the vulva- I didn't state that clearly- I just meant I and every woman I ever discussed it with referred to the whole thing- in and out- generally as the vagina. I guess we were wrong but that is what we were taught.

[riversmommy]

This has been a great read, though I too am surprised at the meanness and snark offered up here on what is usually a more accepting, respectful place for genuine questions. My sympathies are with the OP who was repeatedly harassed.

That said-- I like yoni. I dislike cunt (Kerouac at ten years old might've scarred me a bit). I HATE the word vulva! It is ugly to me and reminds me of sterile hallways and labcoats discussing anatomy in impersonal terms. I like the word vagina, have never shied away from using it.

We all have connections with words and that is was makes them powerful. If you need to empower yourself with the use of vulva, I think you should go for it. But, as some PP have alluded, the word might not matter as much as how you say it and (a point our snarky mamas might ignore), how others react when you say it. I am not saying we should never use vulva or penis, but it's unfair to assume the general public's reaction will be comfortable for a young child. I was very sensitive about words as a kid and I think my free use of certain words (like vagina) in less than respectful company did more to inflict shame than my parents frankness and nonchalant approach ever did.

[pickle18]

I read the whole thread, and I have to say, I really didn't feel like the OP was being attacked unfairly.  I felt that her sniping and vicious reactions were much more negative than suggestions that the OP might want to examine where this discomfort with proper terminology comes from and whether she wants to pass that along.

The OP posted saying that she didn't want cutesy names but wasn't comfortable with proper names either.  But she wanted something that was anatomically obvious to a stranger?  This is just a weird, complicated position she's put herself in.  She asked what others used, and many said they were fine with the proper names and wondered why she wasn't.  I don't think that's crazy mean. 

Frankly, given her list of qualifications for a euphemism, it was fair to ask why on earth she was going to all the trouble.  To which she replied it was ONLY about the "sound" of the word - and went on to clarify, this only referred to the actual sound of the letters.  I'm sorry, but the fact that she reacted so horribly when others wondered (quite rightly) if this applied to other "heavy" sounding words, tells me this is a bluff.  Plain and simple.

All I gathered was that the OP obviously knows she is uncomfortable with these words but doesn't want to examine why or what effect that discomfort might have on her daughter.  She made that pretty clear by lashing out at others who urged her to.  All she wants is a not too cutesy euphemism (which, I might add, many - including myself - provided her with, and she didn't even acknowledge the vast majority of those suggestions - she just railed against anyone who challenged her dislike of proper terminology).

[nstewart]

I'm with the people who used to refer to the whole she-bang as "Vagina" just beacause that is what I grew up hearing (well, actually when I was little it was a "birdie" or "bird".  Talk about words I hate...) but am teaching DS that mommy has a Yoni. I like the fact that it is all encompasing, and I also dislike the word "vulva".  It remindes me of some kind of a car, like a Volvo, I think??  Anyway, it doesn't conjure anything nice for me and this has nothing to do with same, but just with disliking the word.  I also dislike "ginch" and "shlong".    

 DS calls his penis his "pee pee" half the time and "penis" the other half of the time.  

Teaching kids proper terminology is important, but being too serious about body parts can create discomfort too.  Like PP who makes the joke about a whoo-ha.  Why not have fun with anatomy if it lightens the subject?  My head is my "noggin" sometimes, my hands are my "paws", my face is my "mug", my fingers are "digets", and my breasts are more often referred to as "mamma moots" than anything else these days, what is wrong with "whoo-ha" from time to time?  

[IsaFrench]

as a non native speaker, at this stage, i think i could do with a nice table with columns headed

- anatomical words

- cutesy words commonly used

- cutesy words not so widespreadly used

- words most used by older generation

- fashionable words that younger generation things it's cool to use

- etc  ....
 

[hildare]

this thread is interesting, for sure. 

i have to say it:  i think that people who refer to genitalia as "pee-pees" are really doing their children a disservice.  pee pee is, to the child, obviously a waste product.  much is made of where a kid can and cannot urinate, and children are bound to eventually internalize the message that their bodies are dirty.  not cool. 

it makes me a little crazy when people do not call body parts by the correct name.  but, you know, keep on doing that.  it'll just help my kid by reducing the number of competitors for her med school application.