or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Queer Parenting › Pregnant at the same time
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Pregnant at the same time

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 

So I have tried a couple of times to find something from google about this and nothing besides cat cora and her wife come up. Call us crazy, but DP and I are considering being pregnant at the same time. We've been planning on having a baby (with me carrying) for some time now, but we recently found out that DP has ovarian aging and doesn't have much time to have a bio kid if we don't act now.

 

I realize that we could just have her carry and then later on I can, but that doesn't work for us. I have two daughters from a previous relationship that are going to be 8 and 5 and I really don't want to be raising babies forever. So one night I looked at her and said "we could both get pregnant" and to my surprise she agreed!

 

So anyway, I was wondering if there were any other couples that choose to do this that would share their experience. I know we can't be the only ones!

post #2 of 6

I like the idea of it in theory, but my wife is high maintenance NOW (and not pregnant... just upset about not being pregnant).  I can only assume it's going to get more dicey as the hormone levels increase.  I would *love* to be off on mat leave together (since we're Canadian, we get a whole year each), but I want to be babied while pregnant too!!!  

 

Smilingsara and Seraf (Sara and Sara) were pregnant at the same time, Shay was born late last fall and Soren arrived early/mid spring this year!  

 

A couple other people have dabbled, but just didn't work out (nosreves and her wife were insemming at the same time, now that Nos is pregnant, they've stopped).  

post #3 of 6

You might find some of the perspectives on this previous thread useful:

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1310889/lesbian-twins

 

Good luck, anyway you go about it! 

post #4 of 6

as Darth mentioned, my DP and i were both trying to get pregnant at the same time.  we knew that it was a crazy idea, but we're both of "advanced maternal age" (i was 38 when we started, and she was 40), and we really wanted to have more than one.  it took a lot more time than we expected for the stars to align, though.  i got my BFP over a year and a half after we started, and when we found out it was twins, my DP decided to stop trying and to (as she put it) dedicate herself to making sure i was taken care of.  we ended up losing one of the twins, but we're both still happy that i'm the only one pregnant.  i had a very easy first trimester (no morning sickness), but i was still exhausted and sleeping 12+ hours a day.  DP had to pick up all the slack.  i have to admit that it's been wonderful having my partner to lean on, and i'm not sure what we would have done if we were both exhausted and sick and extremely hormonal.   

 

an ex of mine and her partner got pregnant on the same day (with my ex's eggs) and ended up delivering two weeks apart.  their kids are adorable and they are very happy, but my ex told me she'd never recommend simultaneous pregnancies to anyone.  apparently, they both had a really hard time.  

 

i think seraf and smilingsara have had a positive experience with having babies six months apart.  maybe one or both of them will chime in.

 

also, the thread that mrs² linked to above is really excellent.

 

the one thing i've learned through this journey with my DP is that things never turn out quite the way you think they will.  

whatever you decide to do, i wish you the best of luck!

post #5 of 6

We did it. 

 

Whether you or your partner got pregnant in 2 years, it would still be raising babies forever, right? The order seems irrelevant to me.

 

I always said it would be dumb to get pregnant again once I was sleeping through the night again, but I did it anyway.

 

We have a 9 year old, an almost 7 year old, a 7 month old and a 6 week old.  The older two are from a previous relationship and spend half their time at each house.  

 

Sara started trying the month after I got pregnant.  It was hard for her trying while living with a prego.  I have pretty easy pregnancies, but being pregnant in my 30s was much harder than being pregnant in my 20s.  No real problems beyond heavy, tired, achy, cranky.  Sara got pregnant as I hit my third trimester.  Sara's pregnancy sucked.  Early pregnancy exhaustion and a partner in labor overnight wasn't fun. She was medicated for morning sickness into her third trimester (and raising a newborn). She had mid-pregnancy bleeding  (while raising a baby).  Heartburn, risk of preterm labor (as that baby passed the 20 pound mark), etc. Post partum hormones, PPD.

 

Having a 6 month old and new baby is a balancing act.  Trying to keep a mobile infant from clobbering, scratching, smacking, biting and lifting his brother's head has been a trick. The tiny baby is the least demanding member of our household, I think (Sara might feel differently, by my measure, the 7 month old is the most demanding, screaming for boobie every time the baby cries.  I joke that he took the idea of survival of the fittest as a challenge).  We wash diapers daily, on top of our normal laundry. Because the 7 month old can now nurse with us both, he occasionally refuses the bottle, but Sara doesn't make that much extra milk. Because the tiny baby can nurse with me, he expects to, but Sara would get engorged if I nursed him willy nilly. (so it's an advantage, but not perfect right now)

 

The 6 year old had some clingyness right after the 7 month old appeared, it came back some after the new guy arrived.  She also really had a hard time with so many hormonal women in the house.

 

The 9 year old developed insomnia and anxiety after the newest guy showed up.  We're still working on that one.

 

To say that we are busy is putting it lightly.  I consider driving to be a break right now.  Work is kind of like vacation.  I am one of the most easygoing people I know, so I deal with it ok.  Just busy, not so much frustrated with the extra work, it was pretty expected.  I'm getting pretty good at tandem nursing, tandem baby wearing, keeping everyone fed, clean, engaged. Safe is hard with a mobile baby.  He climbs onto and then throws himself off everything.

 

If you think there could be any difference in how they are treated by grandparents, well, you'll find out really quickly (Sara is Jewish and the ceremonies were more heavily pushed with the child she carried, which hurt her feelings because she felt like it showed that her parents didn't view the 7 month old as her "real" son).

 

If I could do it differently, I would have had Sara, with her wildcard of a pregnancy go first, because not only did I have an easier pregnancy, I had a significantly easier recovery.  I would have tried to have them closer together, so they could be closer in size and development.  Otherwise more of a year between them, because 1 year olds are a little more able to understand and walk (of course, not all 6 month olds crawl, it was a gamble).

 

I am pretty happy, all these negatives are just things that are drawbacks you may not have thought of.  I would still have done it, knowing what I know now.

post #6 of 6

Oh, the lack of support during pregnancy, I felt like I couldn't complain.  I'm not a big complainer, but when your partner has her head in a toilet bowl for the third time in a day, well, there's really no expecting support from her.  Stiff upper lip all the way.

New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Queer Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Queer Parenting › Pregnant at the same time