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Can I take my child from dad if he has no home?

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 

My ex doesn't have a place because him and his roommates failed to pay the rent and electric. I let him stay with me a couple of days which turned into 2 nights then assault then him getting out of jail. I told him since he had no place to go that he could come eat and sleep which turned into 2 more days. btw there is a history of dv. We have a 5 year old daughter together and I have 2 of my own. 

I tried getting him to leave and even called his probation officer. He said to call the police and have him escorted out. I didn't want that to happen in front of the kids AGAIN so I tried to be civil by asking him what his plans were and on and on. He then escalated to anger and in front of both girls yelled "what you some hot fu*! coming over for your birthday?" At that time I told him to leave sternly. He cursed at me and took my truck key and so on. So there is some info of my day to visualize my scenario.


My question is: Since he has no place to go and has not informed me that he has a safe place for our daughter, as requested by the police and I, can I call the police to get help to find her to ensure her safety and well-being? It is almost 10 pm and she should be in bed and not driving around trying to find someone to take him in.


He told me on the phone that he has 24 hours to notify me of where she is. I find that hard to believe in this circumstance. Help please!

post #2 of 11

You need to look at your divorce decree or custody agreement first. Then you need to call the non-emergency line to get some information. And tomorrow you go to family court to get an emergency hearing to get your custody agreement changed until he has a place to live with appropriate space for the child.


And - don't let him in the house again. Not even if he doesn't have a place to live. If there is a history of DV, you are allowing it to continue by letting him in the home. Your home needs to be a safe place for you and your children. The only way to make that happen is for him to not be there.


Good luck.

post #3 of 11
Thread Starter 

I completely agree. I can not put my children in that situation again.. what do you want me to look for on the divorce decree?

post #4 of 11

You need to have the facts about your custody situation to be able to talk to the police - if you are going to go that route. 


It will also help to have it available if you are going to get an emergency hearing.

post #5 of 11
Originally Posted by jzaferis View Post

He cursed at me and took my truck key...

can I call the police to get help to find her...? It is almost 10 pm...

He told me on the phone that he has 24 hours to notify me of where she is.


Did he take your truck without your permission?  Did he take the 5-year-old with him, without your permission?  Is this a time he would ordinarily have her overnight?  When does he normally return her?  Or does he have custody?

post #6 of 11

Report the truck stolen - since it WAS stolen. If this is your parenting time, report kidnapping as well. Call social services - you want them involved because YOU called them, not because the cops called them when they found the truck thief with a kid in tow.


All the other advice here is good (emergency hearing for temporary custody modification etc.), but since it's a DV situation, you will feel more confident and be more proactive if he's locked up for a little while as you are getting things sorted out. An order of protection is also a good idea - that way, the minute you see him on the front lawn, you can be on the phone to the cops. He won't have an opportunity to sweet-talk or threaten you to get into the house. 

post #7 of 11

When my ex moved out, he was sleeping on a friend's couch for a little while.  I forbid him from having overnights with the kids until he had a bed that was the child's own bed.  He agreed to this (after argument), so I didn't need to use legal recourse.  He rented an apartment within about a week, and it all worked out OK. 


But in your case, your ex seems really unstable, and I think you should fight for sole custody.

post #8 of 11
Thread Starter 

The cops made him give me the key but he has the key fob to my truck. Of course he says he doesn't have it. His sister managed to get him into a budget suite type of place. Guess where? Right across the street from my apts. There is nothing I can do about that though. My birthday was Tuesday and shockingly he allowed my to have our daughter. He continues to beg to use my truck to get the rest of the stuff out of his apt. I have told him to find other means to get the stuff but his sister and his only friend are busy. I even text his friend myself in case he was just trying to use it as a pawn for control. 

Should I let him use the truck for the last time to get his stuff?

post #9 of 11
Thread Starter 

He took her but at the time had no home. His sister got him into a place for a week. It was his visitation time. I didn't like the fact that instead of leaving her with me while he drove around finding a place that he took her. He was using her as a pawn instead of keeping her where she is safe and less drama. He also continues to talk crap about me to her which is not okay at all. 

We both have joint custody with me as her primary residence. I have her about 63% of the time. 

post #10 of 11

Should I let him use the truck for the last time to get his stuff?


Meh. Tempting to use that as a lure to get the fob back, but it's probably a bad idea. You have to establish really, really clear boundaries with people who try to bully you - and very basic boundaries are that they never cross your home's threshold and they never have control over any of your property or access to any of your non-child-related personal information. 


I'm glad your daughter is safe and your truck is back!

post #11 of 11

Since he has the key to your truck, but not the truck itself, if it disappears without your permission, report it stolen.  Even if you assume he's only borrowing it temporarily.  He's no longer entitled.  


If he has abused you and says grossly inappropriate things to you in front of young children, the consequence for him should be that he can no longer expect you to care, if he needs to borrow a truck to move his stuff.  But he will continue to think you owe him something, as long as YOU think you do.  It seems like you still feel responsible to take care of him.


I'm of two minds about him taking your daughter:  


> If it was his court-ordered parenting time, the safest move was to let him exercise it, but immediately file for an emergency hearing and ask that the visitation arrangement be modified until he has a stable place to live (not just a place to crash for one week).  If you think it's safe for a 5-year-old to be around him, you should only ask to stop the overnights.  If you think he's a danger to her, then you should ask for a protective order and supervised visits.


> But sometimes it seems to work best if you go ahead and do what you think is right for your child and leave it to your ex to file a complaint with the court.  If you stop letting him have her overnight (or stop letting him take her away from your house at all, if he refuses to bring her back at bedtime), he may think taking you back to court is too expensive and won't bother.  If he did take you back to court, you could tell the judge, "He just got out of jail for attacking me in my home, in front of the kids, and he was couch-surfing.  I didn't say he couldn't see our daughter, only that I didn't want her spending the night with him if he didn't have a stable place to stay."  You could get found in contempt for denying his court-ordered parenting time.  But the judge might very well expect him to explain why he felt entitled to drive around with a 5-year-old at 10pm, looking for a place to crash, when she could have been safe in bed at her mother's.


It depends on how litigious he tends to be and what kind of support network he has.  How likely do you think he is, to take you back to court if you don't let him have overnights?  Do you think he'd lie and tell the judge he had a safe place to spend the night, like his sister's?  Would she lie in court, to back him up?

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