3 yo DS completely resistant to potty training, help!

[alisoninparis]

DS turned 3 a few weeks ago. His older sister PT'd easily from one day to the next shortly after turning 3. Our technique with her was very laid back: a little encouragement, a little bit of no-diaper time (she peed herself and didn't seem to mind), and then sitting back and waiting for her to be ready. When she decided she was ready, that was all it took. With DS things have been different. We've had a potty kicking around for at least 6 months, and for a while he would sit on it but not produce anything, and we thought nothing of it. We were playing it cool like we did with DD. But I have to admit that at this point, DS has *never* peed or pooped on the potty even once and whenever I suggest it (always casually), he emphatically refuses. "NO POTTY!" he cries. Many attempts at no-diaper time have failed, because he insists not only on having a diaper on at all times, but also having pants on, too. He just won't run around pantless, even though the weather has been warm for many weeks now.

I'm not in a major hurry to get him trained, but he starts pre-school in September and for that being trained is mandatory. So we do have a deadline, and I don't want to wait until the last minute and make this a traumatic experience for everyone.

Any advice? Thanks in advance!

P.S. I know he has bladder control because he pretty much wakes up systematically with a dry diaper. No luck at getting him on the potty, though—within about 15 minutes of waking up he produces a huge flood in his diaper.

[Jenni1894]

Give him some rewards!   Create a sticker chart, or give him stickers when he goes.    With my DS I gave him m&m's.  One for pee, 2 for poop.   ODD we did stickers and YDD we are doing stickers also.   Her big sis created a chart for her and she's got a couple stickers on there already.  She is 27 mos, so we are just starting. 

[rubidoux]

My older boy didn't want anything to do with the potty and by the time he was 3 1/2 he had only pee'd in it a handful of times.  The day he turned 3 1/2 I packed up all of his diapers and put them away and that was just the end of it.  I told him they were gone so we were going to have to learn how to use the potty.  I don't think he ever had a pee accident, but for several days he'd go hide somewhere in the house and poop on the floor.  And then somehow I got him to poop on the toilet one day.  I think I found him sneaking off to poop and I just plopped him on the toilet and held onto him and talked him through it.  After that we had no more accidents at all (unless you count the completely freak thing that happened 2 years later at the worst possible time, gah!).  It was not like my friends who's kids were out of diapers at 2 1/2 but had to have their whole outfits changed a couple of times a day.  I was so happy to skip the accidents!

Now my second ds is 3 years and 4 mos old.  I think I'd be working on it now except I'm taking the california bar in july and I think it would be a pretty big distraction...  But he seems to me more resistant than his brother, though he's shown a bit more aptitude for it.  lol  If I tell him I'll give him a piece of chocolate if he pees in the potty, he'll march right over and do it.  But if there's no chocolate involved, he wants nothing to do with it and he cries for a dipe.  I think we are going to have to pack his dipes up too, one day, probably in august so that he can start school in sept (his teacher-to-be is a good friend of mine and she keeps telling me I don't have to worry about the dipes, but I'd feel bad because it's really not her job to be changing him).  

So....  I don't know if there're any words of wisdom in there, but you're not alone.  I think maybe you're feeling more antsy because your first one was out of dipes younger, but up until 3 1/2 and maybe a couple of months later I'm not out of my comfort zone.  Too much past that and I'd probably start worrying about it.  But the truth of the matter is that it's not going to go on for too much longer.

[mamapenguin]

Would he wear pants without a diaper?  My daughter also refused to go naked, so I ended up just putting her in pants with no diaper.  For about three days she wet her pants (and I did a lot of laundry and mopping), and then she was willing to sit on the potty.  I did discover that she really dislikes wearing underpants, so at home she usually goes without them - the "big kid underpants" sales job was an utter failure:)  Also, now that she's peeing pretty consistently on the potty, I have learned never to ask "do you have to pee?" or say "it's time to go pee", since that will be an automatic NO, often followed by wetting her pants.  If I say "tell mama if you have to pee", I get better results - I guess it leaves the decision up to her.  

[alisoninparis]

Thanks for the ideas, mamas! I haven't tried packing up all the dipes, nor have I tried putting pants on without a dipe. I will try both of these.

I hesitate to use rewards because I worry that sends the wrong message—and also don't want to have him demanding chocolate or candy if he pees after brushing his teeth at night ! haha

I'll update here on our progress!