I desperately need some wise Mama advice and perspective for a really painful situation. DD just had a wonderful year in fifth grade at a public open school. DD has felt very close and connected with the 5 other fifth grade girls in her class --- her joy and a highlight of her year was that--in her mind -- they always "looked out for each other and no one was ever excluded." She'd actually mentioned this to me many times the past few months. My daughter knew 4 of the 5 quite well --- and had enjoyed getting to know the 5th girl (call her V) that she'd never been in class with prior to this year.
DD had very excitedly and happily told me a couple of weeks ago that all of the fifth grade girls were going to meet at a local ice cream shop to hang out after the last day of school to celebrate the end of the school year. Fast forward to the last day of school --- I arrive to pick DD up and she pulls me out into a corner of the hallway and tells me with tears in her eyes that ALL of the girls except her have been invited to a party at V's home after school. DD has absolutely no idea why all of the girls except her were invited. I double check my email to be sure that I haven't overlooked anything ---no invitation for DD.
So the whole group of girls leave for their party presumably at V's home --- and I take DD out for ice cream thinking that we won't see V and all of DDs class friends there and we'll have some time to regroup and visit with other friends (it's the big end of school destination). Lo and behold there's the whole group there eating ice cream with their mothers. We say some hellos and order and eat our ice cream ---- and the whole group of mothers and daughters that includes *all* of DDs closest school friends leaves en mass to go to the party at V's home. Ouch! Excruciating!
Fortunately we'd been invited to a BBQ at the home of one of DDs best friends that evening ---attended by 3 of the 5 girls (whole class invited). The girls have meanwhile realized what happened and are really upset that DD was not included. Had never crossed their minds that she wasn't invited...till they're all at the party and realize that DD is the only one not invited. Fortunately DD was surrounded by loving friends for the next few days.
I'm really really upset about this and need to find a way to make peace with the situation. DD is very hurt but is being very stoic about it-- and I'm helping her keep the focus on all of the many people who love her and value her and her friendship. The couple mothers that I've discussed with claim that it wasn't anything personal ---oversight --- mom only invited V's close friends of several years standing blah blah blah. The competing explanations ---my daughter was overlooked/invisible and/or she and her friendship really didn't matter to V. I know that I'm eventually going to end up at an event or social occasion with V and/or her mother. WWYD? Thinking about sending V's mother a letter. I can't carry this hurt, anger, and pain around. I'd appreciate any suggestions or BTDT wisdom.