A Saner 2ww: Thunder Moon - Page 4

[JustJenny]

Hi ladies,

  I've been stalking you all for a while now :)  I decided to join since I'm currently obsessing about testing and all things pregnant! I'm currently 9 dpo with fingers crossed.  We've been trying to conceive for 8 months and haven't had a bfp yet. Stood there in Walmart last night staring at clear blue easy, lol.  I finally moved past without a purchase.  Today I think I will be swimming. We have the use of a friends pool so I might just take advantage.....

Cultivate Peace  

[zenquaker]

Wow--once again the thread is going so strong I've lost track of where everybody is! :) I have read all the posts, though, and it is beautiful what's going on here. So much encouragement and idea-sharing. I love it.

I found out about the job: I got it. I have this deep, deep sense of peace and RELIEF. We have a new place to live and I have a job that will be able to help support us, and well. We've waited for this for a really long time. Now when/if I do get pregnant, there will be a more solid foundation. That's huge.

[dakipode]

zenquaker: congrats on the job! It must feel like the universe is aligning and creating space for you and a little one!

AFM: I can't not read into the symptoms though they are familiar, i.e. AF on the way symptoms... Maybe, I guess it ain't over till it's over, right?

[ClumsySugarPlum]

Congrats, Zenquaker! So happy for you! Good luck with your new job. I hope you can do something for yourself to celebrate.

AFM - Not sane right now at all. Had what I think is a very faint positive this morning. Dh says he can't see it which makes me feel kinda bad. (Come tell me what you think if you feel like obsessing. I posted a scanned pic on The One Thread.) I also started spotting a little yesterday, but no cramping. So.... I'm waiting and seeing. Sitting in bed right now with tea willing little bean to stick (if bean is there at all). This month I gave up on charting and really taking care of myself in favor of a more relaxed attitude to help facilitate bding. Lots of bding took place, but now with the spotting I'm starting to feel as though I failed in a whole new way. Ugh. The good news is that dh is watching Le Tour on TV for the next two hours which means I have the house to myself. May try to watch a movie to get my mind off things.

[zenquaker]

Hang in there, Clumsy. Be not-sane if you need to be. You will KNOW for sure in a few days, or hopefully sooner. I know that the end of my 2ww seems to go so slowly, esp. as I usually spot. I have no good advice, just solidarity!

This week I had my second visit with the RE. If I don't get pregnant this cycle we're going to look at the next round of testing for me. I am not feeling one way or the other about it--just waiting and seeing. Wait and see, wait and see . . .

[happy2bamama]

Zenquaker - Congrats on the job! It's so wonderful that it feels like such a relief :)

CSP - hope it all works out for you and that faint line turns into a bright line!

AFM: AF finally came and I was so happy to see her because it meant all that nausea and heartburn stuff was finally gone. And the last few days of the 2WW were just so insane that I was happy to know that my sanity would be restored.

About the acupuncture - I am excited to start getting it regularly and see if I can help my cycle/progesteron. My neighbor owns an acupuncture place that offers "community" acupuncture which is way cheaper - I think about $25 each time. There is one communal room with lazy-boy chairs and people relax in there with their needles in - it's quiet and dimly lit. It can be cheaper because they aren't having to hold up a single room for 30 minutes at a time. I've never done it this way before, but the price is right and hey, we're all alone when we shut our eyes, right?!

[ClumsySugarPlum]

Thanks, Happy2bamama! I tested again today and it's much clearer! I posted in the One Thread too, but am posting again here. Everybody, please cross your fingers for me. I'm going to try to get a blood test tomorrow to see if my levels are doubling. So scared about a m/c after last year's early loss and my spotting yesterday. PS- since I doubled my progesterone dosage yesterday spotting has stopped. 

Okay, time to breathe. How can I make myself relax and get through tonight?.... Take care of someone besides myself for a few minutes. Even though I might be creating life, the world is bigger than my uterus. 

Good night, friends.

[dakipode]

Congrats again, Clumsy! AFM: I'm back to the start, day one today... Doctor's appointment next week to start trying to get some answers. Will probably be hanging out here while waiting to O since it does help keep me sane. The 2WW almost seems like a cakewalk compared to my very loooong wait before O.

[SKJ2011]

zenQ - Super congrats on the job! It totally sounds like all your ducks are getting in a row. So hoping that a BFP will be the icing on the good news cake!

Clumsy - Congrats!!! I had 6 days of spotting when I got pg with my DD. It was so scary, but everything ended up ok. I also had basically no spotting with my m/c. So, I've decided that spotting means nothing. Also, acupuncture can really help with spotting and the first trimester. With my m/c, I had one day of spotting and then had moxa done and it was all gone, never to return. Hoping all the best for you and your little bean!

happy - sorry about AF . Glad you are out of limbo though. And yay for acupuncture. I go once a week to a community acupuncture place and absolutely love it. Not sure how much it's helping my fertility, but it's def. helping my mental space.

AFM - I'm 3DPO. Had excellent timing and my cycle is behaving well. I've been doing restoring fertility yoga everyday. My intention each time has been to trust. I've done what's in my control and now I'm going to just let be whatever will be.

[pokeyAC]

SKJ - I've heard about that yoga program.  I thought about trying it.  How do you like it?  I take yoga classes, but it's not focused on fertility.

zenquaker - Congratulations on the job!  It certainly does seem like the universe is creating space for you to grow your family.  I hope the RE can provide some clarity if need be.

sugarplum - Congratulations!    Sounds like things are progressing well!  I understand your nervousness.  Sending sticky bean vibes your way.  Just try to breathe and get through one day at a time.

happy - Glad you are feeling like you are in a good place again.  Acupuncture sounds great.  Enjoy your alone time!

justjenny-  Good luck to you and congrats on being strong at Wal-Mart and not buying more tests!  That is not always easy to do.

dakipode - I'm sorry that you have to start a new cycle but I'm glad that you will be going to the Dr this week.  I hope you learn some new information that can give you some clarity and direction.  This part of the cycle is like a TWW too.  Waiting to O is a productive time where our actions make a big difference.  The other TWW is more about patiently waiting because the work has been done.  I hope this is a productive time for you.

AFM - My cycle has started again too so my TWW is over.  I am feeling ok about it now, preparing for the future.  I had my freak out and cry a few days ago when I realized what was coming.  My wife was out of town taking care of her mother who just had surgery.  After I talked with her I felt much better.  She's such great support through all this.  I know she was sad too, but she always tries to stay positive for both of us.  This week we are going to see the social worker at the RE's office for a talk.  I think it will help to talk to someone else about all of this.  We never thought it would be this difficult.  I hope everyone has a good, relaxing holiday week.

[dakipode]

pokey, thanks for your kind words. I hope you're doing well today.

AFM: I guess I'll be getting that haircut soon.

I have a hard time making the distinction between being kind to myself/taking it easy, and being apathetic and lazy. I get a little depressed and it's tempting to just let that become all consuming, wallowing in self pity. Then I think if I work, work, work I'll be distracted and I won't have to think about being sad, and then I get so tired afterwards anyway, which brings on the sadness.

I found out a dear friend is due in November, she just told me, and I felt sad at the fact that we hadn't talked about our journeys, shared our fears and joys, disappointments and successes.

I guess I'm not doing a great job at not obsessing today, it's about all I can think about. I know I have to let myself experience all these feelings and not suppress them and I'm just glad I can share them with you all.

[keeptryst]

ClumsySugarPlum: Congratulations! Wishing you a happy, healthy, peaceful, sane pregnancy.

I've been meditating on this passage:

"The peace in my heart matches the peace at the heart of nature. No longer am I a feverish fragment of life; I am indivisible from the whole. I live completely in the present, released from the prison of the past with its haunting memories and vain regrets, released from the prison of the future with its tantalizing hopes and tormenting fears. All the enormous capacities formerly trapped in past and future flow to me here and now, concentrated in the hollow of my palm."

This is how I want to learn to live. I want to be happy and content here and now, and not only when I see two pink lines on some future test. I'm grateful to ttc for affording this training to my mind. Really, nothing else in life has that pull and charge to really put you through the wringer of anticipation. To be able to work through this and achieve balance - to ttc and still live in freedom - it is training worthy of a warrior!

[dakipode]

keeptryst, your passage reminds me of something I recently said to a friend: "I'm afraid of having too much hope and not enough faith." Too much anticipation of the future and not enough living in the present.

I have so much to be grateful for. There are many things in my life that are going well, going my way, and I haven't taken enough time to acknowledge them. I'm thinking of starting a daily gratefulness practice. Would anyone be interested in joining me and if so do you think I should start a thread?

[zenquaker]

Keeptryst, what a beautiful meditation. I really needed that!

I am fertile during the full Thunder Moon :)

[keeptryst]

Originally Posted by dakipode 

keeptryst, your passage reminds me of something I recently said to a friend: "I'm afraid of having too much hope and not enough faith." Too much anticipation of the future and not enough living in the present.

I have so much to be grateful for. There are many things in my life that are going well, going my way, and I haven't taken enough time to acknowledge them. I'm thinking of starting a daily gratefulness practice. Would anyone be interested in joining me and if so do you think I should start a thread?

Good idea, dakipode. Try it and see. Sure to be helpful anytime we get an opportunity to switch channels from obssessing about the nitty gritties to gratitude.

[SKJ2011]

Pokey - The yoga is VERY different than typical yoga. Basically, the clinic that developed the DVD had been giving patients different exercises to do during different times of their cycles. They wanted to make something available to the public, so they incorporated the exercises into a yoga practice. A lot of it is familiar - like down dog and plank, but there is a lot of "different" poses and sequences. For example, putting your fingertips on your shoulders and twisting back and forth from the waist. I really like it because it makes me feel like I'm doing something, but getting to relax about the process at the same time. You are supposed to do the DVD everyday. There is a practice for the menstrual phase, follicular phase, ovulatory "phase" and luteal phase. Each one is 30-40 mins. This is the first month i've been doing it religiously. I started a few days after AF, so we'll see.

Good luck with the social worker. That's great that you have that option.

dakipode - I've been trying to focus on gratitude too. I'd participate in your thread I had a similar situation to you recently. I found out my DD's teacher is preggers with #3. It felt like I got kicked in the gut. It's strange b/c I had been looking at her stomach in recent weeks to be in the know. But, then I had stopped doing that as a way to be less obsessed. So, when she told me, I was totally blindsided. Somehow, I didn't cry. It was the first pregnancy announcement that I got over without crying. I did have a moment of thinking that I'd have a 3 month old when she is due if I hadn't had a m/c. I'm trying to focus on being happy for her, b/c this is about her, not me.

keeptryst - Thanks for sharing that passage. I wish too that I could be more present in the moment and less living in the future. In a way, we are the "lucky" ones in the TTC process b/c unlike those who are successful right away, we get to grow and learn to be patient and kind to ourselves.

zen - May the thunder moon bring you what you wish for.

[pokeyAC]

dakipode - I like what you said about having too much hope and not enough faith.  I'm going to think about that one.  There is a difference.  I haven't been focusing on having faith very much. 

skj2011-- Thanks for the info on the yoga.  That does sound kind of fun.

Sending fertile thoughts to everyone!

[dakipode]

Alright, I started a thread titled "practicing gratitude", I don't know how to link it here but should be fairly recent in the TTC forum.

AFM: was able to scoot up the appt with my GP for later today. Initial visit to address cycle issues, I'm hoping to get a handle on this sooner rather than later, she'll probably refer me to an OBGYN, I'm slightly ashamed to admit I haven't seen one in... I don't even know how long...

Have a great week everyone!

[happy2bamama]

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1357295/practicing-gratitude

[ClumsySugarPlum]

Hi, all. I heard back about my blood work today. My quants more than doubled and my progesterone looks good, so I think I will head over to to the March DDC. Good luck to everyone. I may peek in here from time to time because I really enjoyed this group, and have found your wisdom to be a breath of fresh air. 

Take care everyone!