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Mothering › Groups › February 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › SIL threw out baby books she borrowed

SIL threw out baby books she borrowed

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
Not sure where to ask this, but I thought I'd get some ideas from other mammas in the same mind space as me.

BIL had his baby a less than 2 weeks ago and we loaned them some of our pregnancy books awhile back, seeing that we didn't really think we'd need them.... jokes on us! One was on midwifery and the other a general book about how the baby develops over 9 months, which happens to be one of my DS favorite book, he loves babies. This is also a book my DH & I bought together years before we had our first, so I kinda do think it is sentimental.

My DH talks to his brother daily as they run a business together, but he casually asked about the books as we do kind of need them now, but not trying to give out our new surprise. BIL response was that SIL threw them out during her "nesting" phase! He said he would replace them, so I just shrugged it off. It seems to have really bothered my DH. He is very offended and not able to really communicate why he is upset about it. In the end they didn't end up using a midwife, even though they had planned too -- not sure if DH is projecting this rejection based on where the books ended up. It is not clear to me if she just gave them away/donated or actually threw them in the trash.

How would you feel if that happened? I don't like drama, which is probably why I'm willing to let it go, I think my DH must have gotten all the emotional side affects of pregnancy atm. innocent.gif
post #2 of 5

Thats super cute your husband is upset over it.  I love that it had meaning to him.  I would assume that if your SIL was a woman of any sense should wouldn't have literally thrown the books out but rather threw them out of the house to donate them to someone or some organization.  


Fact of the matter is, there is nothing you can do about it now. I'd be a little annoyed, but what can you do. Mistakes happen, they are family. I am sure (again under the pretense that SIL is a sane gal) she didn't mean to cause any conflict.  Did you communicate to your SIL that you weren't planning on having more (i think i read in another one of your posts that you were thinking of adopting but not having more kids? not sure if thats right?)  if that is the case, then that explains why she would think to get rid of the books (hopefully giving to someone else).  I guess what I would do is prob just go on amazon and buy a used book off of there. Maybe buy it and give it to your husband as a gift.  Lord knows I would not want to mess with a woman who is probably very hormonal after just having a baby (I was!) 

post #3 of 5
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the idea, I think replacing the first book we got together is a great idea, plus DS would like to have that book back!

I have no intention of creating any kind of drama! I honestly don't know if SIL is sane or not, she has only been in the family for less than 9 months, we didn't meet her until well into the pregnancy. It's possible she is "sane" but not sane in the way mothering.com mammas think about things. I am pretty sure DH made clear he wanted those books back, especially the one DS likes because SIL actually read it to DS and saw how much he liked it. BIL & our family have been borrowing books/videos/xbox/wii games for many years, but perhaps she is not in that loop just yet. Probably why BIL went and repurchased one of them already and without hesitation.

I did just show DH your post, so he said he is ready to drop it. But we want to find out if she put them in the trash or donation pile, to see what kind of sane we will be dealing with in the near future smile.gif. I know that she is constantly trying to remove things from their apartment, even BIL's stuff like his exercise weights, video games, and musical equipment (which he still uses all of this stuff), so I was aware of her need to purge... and come to think of it they don't have any books in their entire apartment at this moment!
post #4 of 5
I know that during our first pregnancy, the books that DH read made him feel connected to the pregnancy and to the baby. He is very busy and the fact that he took so much time to read all about the baby meant a lot to him. He would probably be pretty upset if someone threw away those books.
post #5 of 5
Thread Starter 
Thanks Adaline's Mama. My DH gets attached to objects much more easily than myself, but they are replaceable thankfully!

SIL donated the books to Goodwill! joy.gif I'm so happy she donated them instead of throwing them out, makes me feel soooooo much better. The thought of books in the trash really breaks my heart! But I will watch what we loan out to them from now on and make sure its clear if we want something back.
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