I am not sure where to put this as I am a single mom and that comes with it's own issues- but my oldest is going to be 9 next week and we have been having anger issues for years- but now that he is getting bigger it is more serious because he is more destructive.
I took him to therapy last summer but he refused to go and I told them we would just work on it at home. They have decreased in severity and amount but when it happens- watch out.
For example- today he was in his room with his sister and his friend - sister ripped a special picture to him-( not much and it is totally fixable.) he then came out and started hitting her We have a zero tolerance for hitting his sister- so I told him we would not be going to the pool and he lost it. Slamming doors throwing things- going into her room and tearing things up. Yelling screaming crying. I got him into his room and was very stern if not yelling to CALM DOWN and stay in here- because when this happens he is a danger to everyone and is to be alone.
He kept coming out threatening me that if I don't take him to pool he is going to xyz... ( tell his dad I am mean, break my things etc)
I really do not want to try counseling again- it did not work as I had no one to watch with my daughter and he refused to go so we had hours of fights just for one hour appointment.
I knw a lot of this centers on him seeing me as an authroity figure- because for years I have lived in fear that his dad would take him and I have pretty much folded when he started to throw a fit. I am now standing my ground and that has helped. He knows that the threats and fits will not get him anywhere.
It is basically to the point that i do not want anyone else in the house for fear that he will do this and people will know.
I called his dad and he talked to him. Once he calmed down he laid in my lap crying that he is so angry all the time.
I told him it was normal to get angry sometimes but not ok to hurt people or break things.
I told him I loved him even when he was angry and that did not change but we had to figure out how for him to not get this angry .... it impacts our whole life. I can not work because he can not be trusted anywhere else- I fear he will do this to a babysitter and he has in the past. So at this point I just clean houses and do not have to many thankfully- and took him with me last week- which he started to act up there- running outside yelling etc- and I fear he will break things at their house.
He is also gifted and I dont know if that plays into this. I have no family in the area and only a few friends. Most of my friends do not come when he is here due to them having witnessed outbursts in the past.
If it is counseling we must have I will do it- I just don't know how effective it is going to be. I know I am at fault for a lot of his problems due to not ever setting boundaries with him before.
This is lengthy. Any btdt would be appreciated.