Moving with a 4-month-old, MIL quandary, pumping, tact, etc....

[esinedeggplant]

We are supposed to move house at the end of next week. It's a local move. My baby is about four months old now. My mother-in-law has offered to take her to her house on moving day so we can just focus on the move and keep the baby in a calmer environment. I love my MIL and she's generous with offers to help but "help" usually means taking the baby to her house (about 30-45 minutes away from us, depending on traffic) for the day. This has been a source of some tension. She's an excellent caregiver and I welcome help with the baby. I just would rather it not always be across town and for 6-8 hours at a time. The baby is still so little. I guess that's its own question...how to deal tactfully with that?

My first impulse was that in a situation like this I'd prefer to have someone help by coming to us to watch the baby. My MIL is not keen on this idea. She thinks it's not good for the baby to be around during the move and my husband agrees. I find pumping pretty stressful and don't respond super well to the pump so unless I have to work or REALLY need a break or a date night I'd usually rather just nurse. Having to go pump and deal with milk storage, bottles, etc. every 3 hours on moving day if she's away from me also seems complicated. I think I can manage the move in a way that doesn't stress the baby out unnecessarily. Am I being unreasonable?

[dovey]

No, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.  Just the drive itself would bother me.  Most 4 month olds don't like the car, and that's a possible 1.5 hours in the car that day.  The pumping makes it even more difficult.  If I were you, I'd thank her for her offer, and tell her that the pumping hasn't been working for you, so if she wants to help you during moving day, it would only work out for her to be at your house holding the baby and letting her nurse when she needs it.  Just be super polite and appreciative, but firm.  You're the one who is responsible for feeding your baby right now, not your husband or his mom, so ultimately it is your choice. 

[katelove]

I agree with the PP. Can MIL take the baby for walks or to the park or something periodically during the day? That would give your baby a break from the bustle of moving but still keep her close enough to feed when she needed to. She and MIL could even just play outside on a picnic blanket or something if it was a nice day. Or be in the room where you and DH aren't working. There are lots of ways to minimize the disruption for your LO without her being 45 minutes away.

Although, TBH, at 4 months she'd probably cope fine in a carrier on you. It does make carrying boxes a challenge though ;-)

[CherryBombMama]

Oh goodness, wear her in a carrier or sling and move on with the day! Seriously, tell you MIL "Awww, you know what, I'm so happy that you want to watch her but I am panicking at the thought of being away from her for so long. Are you really sure you won't watch her here? No? Awww, well then thank you again for your offer, I really appreciate it, I just can't do it." Rinse and repeat. 

You can be more frank and dramatic with your dh  I would say, "Do you want me to go crazy knowing my baby will be stuck in traffic in a car far away without me?! Do you REALLY?!" Lol. 

My MIL always wants to watch my kids, in her house, doing it the way she likes it, and I am just not comfortable with the way she does some things.  I always tell her the line that I wrote above.  She is not a shy woman, and never seems mad about it when I 1)let her know I appreciate the help and 2)blame it on myself. 

[starling&diesel]

Carrier + good boundaries with MIL = empowered mama! Make no excuses for being the parent you want to be. Baby wants to be with you. Put her on your back and rock on!

[esinedeggplant]

Thanks, guys! I know it's coming from the right place. I don't think she realizes how cumbersome just the pumping situation would be for me. The baby was at her house for a few hours today and it was hard for me to remember to pump every 3 hours or so just being at my own house packing. I am pumping right now as I type. And having the baby around keeps me more mellow about the whole moving and packing thing. She will be just fine on moving day.

My MIL is super supportive of BFing but comes from a generation that did not have the kind of support and info we do now. She has a lot of misconceptions about it. Plus from what she's told me, her daughter, my SIL, seems to have had a crazy oversupply when she was living with them and BFing her son. So that is her frame of reference: someone who could pump out a couple of bottles in 15 minutes before leaving for work in the morning! The days I nurse my daughter for every feeding it could take me four pumping sessions of 15-30 minutes each to come up with that much (if I tried to do it in one day). And I have to be super protective of my supply.