how to fix screwed up life

[pr mom]

I typed it all out but I just didn't want to go into it all right now because people can be really cruel when you ask for advice so I deleted it all. Do you ever feel like you're just stuck in a horrible position in your life and don't know how to fix it? I'm stuck there right now and I've no one to ask for advice. I'm feeling completely helpless and not sure what to do to make sure my family is taken care of. Gosh, sometimes I just need someone to take care of me or just a hug but I'm sure they'd run away right now because I'd start crying.

:(

[Funny Face]

It is hard to feel like the only person responsible for your family's well being while you are spread too thin and unsure of where to go or what to do from here. 

Sometimes where we end up is a result of the way we've been taught to act and think our whole lives and it is incredibly difficult to change that or know how to. 

Do you have any resources available to you that would be beneficial? Finding a way to get into counseling can help bring about a snowball effect- having an someone to talk to and affirm you and point you in the direction of the best resources for your concerns can be so helpful.

[pr mom]

Thanks for responding Funny Face. It's nice to know someone is listening even if I have no one in real life to do it. I just found out we have no insurance today so probably no counseling will happen so no one to talk to but two little kids thus I keep everything to myself. 
 

[34me]

That's rough. I was there for a few years and it was no fun.  I still have no friends but the kids are older so that REALLY helps.

[Linda on the move]

I don't have any idea what is going on for you, but I hope that thing start looking up for you soon.

There are a lot of free/cheap self help resources. Your library has a whole section of books, and there are tons of great videos on YouTube. My favorite self help author is Louise Hay, and my favorite book by her is You Can Heal Your Life. This is a link to a clip on YouTube about her ideas:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYCamVx4fSQ
 

It is part 1 of 10, and the other 9 are on You Tube.

From this link, you can see the Hay House channel, which has HUNDREDS of self help videos on different topics.

Good luck.

[pr mom]

Thanks 34me. The kids are so sweet but they definitely can't help me figure things out. 

Linda, I think I will check out a book by Louise Hay. I have watched a few of the videos already and they did get me interested. I like her idea "You can heal your life" because it's all up to me. I've just never been so alone and not had someone to go to for at least advice or support.

I have to say the moms on mothering are always nicer than anywhere else.

[Funny Face]

Any form of self focus might be beneficial. I know in our city there are meditation centers that just take donations and I considered doing that during the darkest period of my life. I ended up using other resources but I always thought that sounded like a peaceful way to center myself and reduce my stress level. 

We have always paid for our therapists out of pocket, even at our poorest, and MANY therapists work on a sliding scale. You might also look into women's advocacy groups and see if they offer any services. Even something as simple as a group therapy meeting or similar might lift your spirits and help you feel connected.

It is incredibly difficult to make changes when you are feeling so low. I know that for sure- I was at rock bottom last summer (I posted about it if you wanted to hear some of my story) and it was a long slow road up from there but things have improved a lot and I'm still taking those tiny, difficult steps towards a healthier life.

I feel such compassion for you in your situation. I'm so sorry you are hurting. :hug

[anon_abroad]

Reading anything by Louise Hay is very comforting and makes you feel like there is hope, even in a horrible situation.

I don't know what you're going through but I advise you to downsize whatever is going on in youir life to a few main priorities: you, your kids, the house and work, or whatever your priorities need to be. Really FOCUS on these things only, put your energy into them and really just put the rest out of your mind, actually say NO to other things/commitments, whatever. Dont' feel mean about it. As long as you are taking good care of yourself and kids, the rest of the world can be put on the back burner for a while. After a few days/weeks of this you will start to have the beginnings of mental energy to think about actions that you can take to resolve whaterever the situation is.

p.s. crying is okay. I also cried at the drop of a hat for many years, now I'm healing and cry MUCH less often. Always be authentic about it though, no one will judge you for it.

[Caramel]

Hi everyone, this is my first post, we all had tough times in our life and we try to fix it in our own ways. For me my tough times made me start talking to God and asking him for helpm, yes when you do not have any friends and no one to go to, just look up and talk to God, he will listen and send you comfort, he will help you and get you through this.
I trust in God that he will listen to you and send help, only try and talk to him.
Edited by Caramel - 6/27/12 at 7:32pm

[lilyka]

i am right there with you.  My life wasn't great but it was ok.  Then one morning my husband woke me up and told me he had been sleeping with another woman for 7 years.  I was a stay at home mom, homeschooling my kid.  it has been four years since the divorce and I still haven't found my footing.  My life is such a freaking mess.  And I cannot even begin to know how to start swimming towards shore.  I feel so overwhelmed by everything.  I need a job and everyone says go to school, but for what?  The only job that could possibly give my life meaning is one I can't have.  in the mean time I am getting sick and losing my freaking mind.  I have almost no support (because no one understand my absolute heart sickness at being anything besides a wife and mother and they think I am nuts for still wanting to have more kids at my age). So I can't offer you help but I can commiserate.  I don't know how to turn things around or where to turn them around to.

[pr mom]

Thanks everyone. I keep trying to straighten everything out. I have been a SAHM for a long time now. Now I am suffering from feeling irresponsible for doing it. DH is sick and I should be taking over everything and yet I can't even get a job. I feel so horribly guilty. Seeing him sick is killing me and I should be taking care of everything. I applied to college to try and finish that but it's not going to help with money for a few years. I should be able to take care of my family on my own and yet I can't. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do right now. I know things will get better but I'm pretty sure they'll get worse first.

@Caramel -  I've tried that. Still waiting.

[MrsGregory]

I found myself sleeping on the bare floor of a barely heated upstairs apartment in the Northeast, in the winter, working two jobs I hated.  Granted, I did not have a family, but I felt pretty stuck.  And cold.

I just kept going.  I have joked that I was too stupid to figure out how to quit my life.  But every day, I just made the best decisions I could with as much foresight as I could muster.

It took a long time, but things are better.  And I hope they get better for you, too!

Why not ask someone for a hug?  If what you need is a hug, then go ask for one!  Who cares if you start crying?  We all cry, sometimes.  Better to cry while being hugged.

<hug> 

 

[pr mom]

Mrs. Gregory--

Thanks for the positive energy. I know things will get better. It's just hard to see it right now. 

I saw on the news there was a serial hugger going to the grocery stores and pretending he knew people and asking for hugs. Of course someone called the police after they gave him a hug. Maybe I'll go to the store and hope he arrives ;-)

Thanks for listening to me vent everyone.

[mandib50]

i think the best thing right now is to just keep putting one foot in front of the other and to cut yourself some slack. if you get very desperate for a compassionate ear, are there any HELP lines you can call?

i am so sorry you have to go through this but please keep heart, people do care and you will find your way.

[amoeba4all]

I know it is hard, but you got to see all the positive and good things in your life. If you focus on the darkness, then you will just get more and more depressed.

I am wishing you the best.
 

[Kathi Mora]

Here are a few basic points which i think will help you get out of your screwed life: 

1. Ease up on the internal life commentary.

2. Don't criticize or underestimate yourselves.

3. Let go of your worries. Stay calm.

4. Stop taking so much notice of how you feel.

5. Stop being concerned what the rest of the world says about you.

[A&A]

See if there is a Unitarian Universalist church near you.  They are very accepting of everyone, from all walks of life.  (And my minister even doles out hugs!)  

[rightkindofme]

If you're going through hell, keep moving. You might get out before the devil notices.

Most people have some portion of their life that is completely overwhelming and bad. The good news is: this stage will end. Unfortunately it might take a while. I remind myself that the only constant in life is change.

That's how I get through my dark days.