i have a 3 1/2 year old, she is an angle but in the last 2-3 weeks YIKES! she will not listen at all it doesn't seem to matter if I'm trying to get her to do or not do something, and to make a long storie short we both end up miserable. She hasn't been like this before. I can't seem to find a common connection as to why or when its at the worst, its random and usually ends up in a tantrum of some kind. How do I get her to listen to me with out a fight. I don't want to go down the same road my Mom went! That is one of my worst fears!
I'm so sorry you're having such difficulties with your little girl! I'm sure someone in our community will have some advice to share but I wanted to point you to our Gentle Discipline Resources so you can begin learning about approaches that are respectful and kind to your child and help you manage problems in a way that makes you both happy. Scroll past the books list and you'll find some other online resources. And this article on Mothering.com might be of help too.
I agree with mamazee completely. This may not be a "phase," so much as the beginning of your child's increased independence. Give her every opportunity to exercise autonomy, and save the commands for really serious situations.
This may sound flippant, but if I want my children to listen, I need to say things that are worth listening to. Can you give some specific examples of the things you're butting heads over?
I agree with mama zee as well. As much as you can give them control over, do. My dd liked picking things for the family as well - like which vegetable we had with dinner, what family movie to watch, which park to go to. Little things that in the grand scheme of things don't matter much, but made a huge difference to her. She still likes to be the one to pick out the fruit at the store and she's 6. LOL
Clothing is another area where she has nearly complete control. I say nearly because if she comes down wearing a turtleneck and long pants and it is 90 out, I will probably suggest something else, same for super cold days and shorts. She comes up with some eye bending combinations, but it has helped us not argue about that.