When to hold a baby shower? « Back to Group Discussions

[babychak]

My sister wants to throw a baby shower for me and I'm trying to decide when to have it. I have a couple of friends who live out of state who I'd like to come, and I think early October MIGHT work for both of them. I'm due November 19th - do you think this would be too late? When are you planning to have your baby shower, if you are having one and have thought about it? From what I've read so far, it seems like the "normal" timeframe can vary from 20-some weeks up until about a month before delivery.

[leafylady]

I'm curious about this too. I've never had a baby shower and I am kind of hoping someone throws me a small one this time around.

[abouttobe5]

Don't plan on having one as this is our third, but usually about 4-6 weeks in advance is normal.  OR you could wait until after the baby arrives so that you can do a celebration that way.  I like those ones because for the women in attendance, there is an actual baby there to hold and be in awe over.  

[CindyCindy]

I don't think there is any normal time frame.  You can even have it afterward if you don't know the sex and want to wait for more color specific items to get.  It just doesn't matter when they are, baby showers are fun and a blessing! 

[kparker]

We're doing ours around week 30ish, or something. End of September. I'm due Nov 17th.  The problem with planning ours is that we have to coordinate not only myself and my location host (MIL's house) but also the two that are throwing the shower, my best friend and my sister-in-law. In the end I think they are getting the date squared away but it's taken them the last month or so to even pick that! Much less make decor or plan food, ha.

We're also keeping the gender a secret until after the shower or the kid is born, to prevent silly gross items like sports jerseys or frilly princess garbage. I have inlaws that would surely give me a million Spurs-related items, and I really don't want to go there. Keeping the gender under wraps helps force them somewhat to pick more neutral things, which we really would rather have ;)  Just some things to consider.

[katealicia]

I think my mom is planning to do one sometime in August or September due to people being in town. In y'all's experience, how much do people usually shop from the registry? Since most of the people I know and in our families have very different lifestyles than ours, I just have nightmares about people showing up with everything we don't want (plastic toys, disposable diapers, etc.) While I appreciate the thought the most and of course we are grateful for any generosity, I wouldn't want people wasting their money on things we just won't use. Any thoughts on getting the message out?

[kparker]

Originally Posted by katealicia 

I think my mom is planning to do one sometime in August or September due to people being in town. In y'all's experience, how much do people usually shop from the registry? Since most of the people I know and in our families have very different lifestyles than ours, I just have nightmares about people showing up with everything we don't want (plastic toys, disposable diapers, etc.) While I appreciate the thought the most and of course we are grateful for any generosity, I wouldn't want people wasting their money on things we just won't use. Any thoughts on getting the message out?

I plan to be a jerk and put on my shower invites something like, "We plan to cloth diaper and breastfeed, feel free to select gifts based on this knowledge" or whatever. I don't care if it's tacky, I know that I'll wind up with mountains of disposables if I don't. Otherwise, I'm going to just cross my fingers lol

[Bmorefarmgirl]

Originally Posted by katealicia 

I think my mom is planning to do one sometime in August or September due to people being in town. In y'all's experience, how much do people usually shop from the registry? Since most of the people I know and in our families have very different lifestyles than ours, I just have nightmares about people showing up with everything we don't want (plastic toys, disposable diapers, etc.) While I appreciate the thought the most and of course we are grateful for any generosity, I wouldn't want people wasting their money on things we just won't use. Any thoughts on getting the message out?

Two words:store credit.

Get used to people buying things for your child that you would never ever buy yourself. I cannot stand toys r us, and I dont believe in buying new clothes for babies--hello consignment!. But we go to toys r us at least twice a year now either to return something I can't tolerate or spend a gift card from a well- intentioned relative. I use it on wipes, usually. Or clothes that are on clearance. they're not wasting their money. They're spending it on a gift to express their happiness for you in the best way they can. Once it's in your hands, it's up to you to toss it, return it, donate it, or use it.

(I'd estimate 50% of my gifts were from the registry. The rest were clothes, various supplies, and homemade blankets and such.)

[sere234]

A few of the gifts from DS's baby shower ended up getting donated.... There was just too much we'd never use or didn't have the room for! And what I could return, I did. 

I like Kparker's idea of not revealing the sex until after the shower but I could NEVER wait that long! 

[JudiAU]

There is no "right" time to hold a baby shower. Most people do it in the third-ish trimester or a bit before and some groups do it after the birth, because it is "bad luck" to do it before the birth.

If you need a registry suggestion I really like amazon.com because you can add stuff from anywhere. Jillian's Drawers carries cloth diapers and a LOT of other natural-ish baby products. Really nice people. And if you take some times with crafting the list you can make your wishes pretty clear.

Yikes, kparker. You can do whatever you wish but I think you are going to offend a lot of people. People who will either politely decline the invitation or bring the "wrong" gifts out of spite. There is no polite way to control gift-giving.

As kids get older, our close family knows that we have a fair amount of rules for what our kids wear and play with. We avoid plastic, don't do any licensed characters, and our kids our tv-free. Our birthday parties are gift-free. But when we do get gifts we don't want, the answer is always "thank you."

[Bmorefarmgirl]

Originally Posted by kparker 

I plan to be a jerk and put on my shower invites something like, "We plan to cloth diaper and breastfeed, feel free to select gifts based on this knowledge" or whatever. I don't care if it's tacky, I know that I'll wind up with mountains of disposables if I don't. Otherwise, I'm going to just cross my fingers lol

I don't think this is jerky at all! I wrote something similar on the invite for my sisters shower. "the parents plan to use cloth diapers and the nursery theme is safari." if that's jerky, then a registry must be, like pure evil. It may be. I refused to have one for my wedding, but your first baby is a different story.

I really think people want to buy gifts that you want, esp for a shower. Most. My in-laws pretty much roll their eyes about my wishes and do whatever the hell they want and think that I will be the one to change.

[finnegansmom]

I think having a shower 6 weeks before your due date is great.  Right now, it might seem so close, but in reality it's an eternity. 

I had a baby shower when I had my first.  I did not register for all that much, just some things I wanted nothing crazy.  We bought the "big stuff" ourselves (stroller, carseat, crib, etc).

I would say half bought stuff from the registry, and maybe more would have if we had more things to buy.

Do not register for clothes, receiving blankets, small toys, onsies, etc.  You will get a ton.  Just don't even bother with that.

I registered for a Boppy, a bouncer, a bumbo, a play mat, a bath tub, and just a few other things.  I think I ended up getting everything on the list.  I did not register for things I wouldn't have bought for myself.  I've seen some baby registries that are ridiculous....$200 crib sheet sets, $100 stroller blankets, etc.   Seriously? 

I think it's perfectly fine if your mom or whoever is throwing the shower let's people know personally somethings you might like "she is going to cloth diaper" or "instead of a frilly outfit, I know she would love some nice children's books".

I think it's tacky if you do that, and putting in the invite always kind of seems weird to me - for the record I hate registries and people thinking I'm asking for gifts, makes me feel bad.

But if you send your mom or sister out to do that, nicely, I think it's OK. 

I did end up returning some stuff, because we got random clothes in the wrong season but not much at all (although I ended up with 3 boppies, I kept them all and used them all, going 6 years strong).

But it was helpful to get the majority of things we needed and nothing really we couldn't use.

[kparker]

Originally Posted by sere234 
I like Kparker's idea of not revealing the sex until after the shower but I could NEVER wait that long! 

Trust me, it's been hard ;)

Originally Posted by JudiAU 

Yikes, kparker. You can do whatever you wish but I think you are going to offend a lot of people. People who will either politely decline the invitation or bring the "wrong" gifts out of spite. There is no polite way to control gift-giving.

I know these inlaws. It's nearly impossible to offend them, which is why I feel I can possibly control their purchases in such a way. Now, my own family, the ones I'm being forced to invite out of whatever obligations, they will be offended, but it's one of those things where they will be offended no matter what I do or say in regards to my child. I know most of them will give me loads of crap once they find out I plan to breastfeed and use cloth. They are a very annoying sort of snooty. :(  Those individuals aren't even likely to get me anything no matter what I say, so whatever to them! I had to beg them to let me have one of the hand-knitted blankets my late grandmother made when we were going through her things. My mother and I got a single blanket, and a figurine. They (3 aunts) took everything else even though a lot of it was to go to me and my siblings (as per my grandmother, prior).

UGH FAMILY I love my inlaws so much. Hands down better than my own family.

[TheDivineMrsM]

My shower was 10/23 and DD was born 11/30. It was a total surprise. I was huge but not uncomfortable, and still had plenty of time to get everything washed and ready! 

Most of the gifts I received were off my registry. I returned and donated some stuff, but overall I was able to use most of it. Not so much for the mountains of NB clothes I received as gifts afterward. DH went on weekly "return runs" lol. 

[poema304]

Originally Posted by JudiAU 

Yikes, kparker. You can do whatever you wish but I think you are going to offend a lot of people. People who will either politely decline the invitation or bring the "wrong" gifts out of spite. There is no polite way to control gift-giving.

I don't think this is jerky at all. With my son's shower 7 years ago, I had my friends make a note on the invite that we were only using cloth diapers. Nobody didn't show up just because I was requesting no disposables. I had registered at Babies R Us and a local baby boutique that sold cloth diapers so it gave people options :) We didn't receive a single package of disposables, however, we did receive lots of ugly clothes which we either donated to Goodwill or passed along to other people.

[APGoddess83]

With my youngest my mom threw me a surprise shower and she made sure everyone knew we cloth diaper, breastfeed, and only use natural soaps and lotions so everything we got was perfect! No one was offended at all and I was so happy to get things we could actually use. I have had showers (or surprise lunches with the ladies in my family) and they have all been in my third trimester. I can't remember when exactly but I think it doesn't matter at all. I doubt I'll get one again but you never know with my friends and family so I'll be making a registry somewhere for myself anyway so it'll be there for others to see as well. We find out the sex tomorrow so I can't wait to pick out the items I know we need/want!