I just had my 4th baby a few days ago and he was not breathing when he was born...he was fine very quickly and is fine now, but it was a crazy scene and quite terrifying getting him out and safe and I am having a really hard time processing the birth because of how fast it all happened and how unlike my expectations it was : ( . My first son was an emergency c-section for a prolapse cord, and that was very traumatic, but he was fine as well, but the births of my daughters, all natural VBACS with my midwife, have been incredibly healing and empowering since then. Now, my last birth, utter chaos. : (
This birth...my labors are very fast...My water broke, contractions were immediately 2 minutes apart, we left for the hospital 10 minutes away, and the baby was born 40 minutes later. -2 to +2 and 5-10cm in about 25 minutes. Then the decelerations due to the speedy delivery with a cord around the neck, and the fact that I am a VBAC sent everyone into a tailspin. "Code Pink," etc., you name it . My fierce and awesome contractions stalled once the team of 15 people rushed in and my midwife basically had to pull the baby out. He was limp and blue and white and while I didn't see it, DH's expression of utter devastation was all I needed to see. I was sure my son was not alive and started to freak out. Couldn't hear any crying...they got him going after about the longest 30 seconds of my life, he started making little noises, and then he cried. By 5 minutes his apgar was 9, so he was fine. My husband did skin to skin while my midwife stitched me up from the crazy delivery, and then I FINALLY got to be skin to skin with an nurse my baby boy.
I was so looking forward to a final, peaceful birth, feeling so in control of my body, having so much faith in birth, etc. And now I am left barely remembering what happened, it is such a blur, and feeling overwhelmingly sad that my body could not deliver my little guy the way I had really hoped...while it was far from a c-section and I am ultimately incredibly thankful for that, he was still pulled from me rather than pushed out and that piece leaves me with a lack of closure that I am finding to be hard.
Bottom line, he is here and beautiful and FINE. all that matters. But to a birth obsessed, pregnancy and labor loving mama, this final birth : ( is a hard one to process.
Anyone have a similar experience? How did you process?