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[help007]

Okay, I finally ordered my own copy of Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. During my second pregnancy, I had it checked out from the library for a couple of months! I even got rush shipping so it could be sitting on the table when my pregnant cousin comes over- after two medicalized births, I'm hoping she'll ask questions =)

I just read a pro-mama article on CNN. I am always so happy to see this kind of stuff reach mass media!
http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2012/06/27/fearing-childbirth-may-prolong-labor/?hpt=hp_bn12

[ArtificialRed]

Maybe I'm being naive, but I'm not feeling concern about my birthing time. My HypnoBabies class starts in a week, which I think will only add to my confidence. It's not that I'm expecting it to be easy, exactly... I just know I'll be able to do it, my body was made to do it. And even if unexpected things happen during labor, worrying about it now won't do me any good.

Confession: a box of donuts has ruined my healthy eating for three days in a row. If I wasn't pregnant I wouldn't worry too much about a few days of bad breakfasts, but now I feel like I worry about every bite of sugar I have. Of course it makes me doubt my decision to decline the GD screening. It's frustrating because I honestly don't think there is any way I have GD, but there's this little voice in my head that replays that one comment somebody said to me about "risking the health of my baby." Those are hard feelings to ignore. Maybe I'm funneling all my extra worry to this, since I'm not worried about L&D

So how's everyone coping with the heat??

[MamanFrancaise]

I love Ina May's guide to childbirth. It is what convinced me to have a homebirth. For me it was incredibly empowering and what allowed me to believe to my core that I would birth my baby as millions of women had before me without any issues, interventions, etc. I totally believe in birth. 

When I found out I was pregnant this time, I was scared of birth! I even considered delivering in a hospital. I wondered what had happened to me! But I picked up Ina May's books, read them again and I am back to where I used to be. I am really looking forward to birthing this baby. I think I'm looking forward to it more than having the actual baby! 

When I was a first time preggo, I resented - hell I was ANGRY at the people who didn't tell me the truth about birth. So I went into it will false expectations. This contributed greatly to the terrible, awful birth experience of my first. But I was very young and naive. 

My best advice for first time moms is to empower yourself. Believe in yourself, your body, your baby. (ETA - Just like AR just said! LOL)

[MadiMamacita]

and acquaintance of mine just had a baby the other day- she posted her birth story and it made me cringe.. went like this... "OB and I decided to go ahead and schedule to be induced tuesday at 39 weeks because a) we can, b) OB is hoping to avoid the same kind of tearing I had with my first and doesn't want the baby getting too much bigger, and c) OB is on call that day" seriously?? then "blah blah, OB breaks my water, getting checked etc, if I don't progress past 4 in a few hours OB will start pitocin.. blah blah, started pitocin, OB checked position again and baby is transverse now so I'm taken to the OR for a C-section" baby is born, she is given a sedative and wakes up still in the OR, is taken back to her room where dad, sister, and grandma are waiting with new baby..
The whole thing was completely unnecessary! classic example of interventions leading to more interventions and ending in a section.

[BRC_MacKenzie]

I've had similar experiences with friends and it is really hard to sit back and watch people you care about making, what in my view at least, are really poor decisions.

I've learned not to even get involved or say anything unless I specifically asked for information if I can help it. The less I know the easier it is for me to be "supportive" and not stick my foot in my mouth at a time when it could easily hurt the relationship - but my DH gets frustrated when facebook and the friend "telephone/gossip chain" goes around announcing the arrival of new baby and suddenly the doctor is the hero for "saving" the baby by performing an emergency c-section, especially when we know the rest of the audience is other new or expectant parents that are now getting the wrong information passed down to them and so he always wants to "spread the truth".  People think he (we?) are being reactive and defensive but honestly, I don't either of us particularly cares when the other people say to me "See, that is why your planned homebirth is dangerous, what if you need an emergency c-section?" because we know the truth about natural birth and homebirth and are confident in our decisions but I understand his frustration. I've been encouraging him to just say something like "There is a lot to consider when it comes to pregnancy and birth, I read this or that birth book along with my wife and we found it very helpful" when he is talking to those newly expectant parents and leave it at that. 

[MissE]

OMG MacKenzie: That is EXACTLY what I wrote earlier but then I pushed the back button or something and my text was gone. I read that quite a bit that the baby's heartrate goes down because of induction, epi and turned up pitocin and then the parents go "Thank goodness you were at a hospital or who knows what could have happened". Yeah right, the heartrate would have probably not even dropped if it wasn't for the pitocin.

Now I have to say, I will be having a hospital VBAC just for financial reasons and there are no midwifes in our network. I have thought about using a birth center back when I applied for medicaid cause I didn't know if we could keep our current insurance or not. I had talked to another mom about going to a birth center and she said "See, I'm glad my baby was born at the hospital cause she stopped breathing after she was born". Hmm...as far as I know a midwife is (even for homebirth) equipped to address even that problem. I don't know what kind of expectations she had from a midwife or if she even knows what midwives can do.

[crystal_buffaloe]

Oh, man 66 posts in and I haven't even joined this thread.

I am possibly looking for a new provider -- I was under the impression that I could go to 42+1, but was basically told today that I have to 41+1. I have a few leads and will be on the phone tomorrow, so wish me luck!

Also, amysue - I PM'd you about your care provider & I'd really appreciate it if you would write me back

[ascher21]

What an awesome conversation. :) It's so great to be in a forum where people support people who want to try a natural birth, hospital or no, without getting defensive. I was on another forum for my first 5 months and I always found people getting defensive when I would mention the word "unnecessary". I have to keep telling myself I don't know the specific circumstances of these people. let it be.

But it is disappointing when our yoga teacher reads birth stories before our class and none of them are home births or even natural births. I find myself thinking "you said they 'had to do this' but did they?" But had to or not, those are their birth stories, and they deserve to be heard. I just wish they were more relevant to me. I'm prepared for an emergency if we do need to go to the hospital, but all I hear about is hospital. I guess I'll have to read Ina May's stories again.

We are lucky that in the state of Florida our insurance has to cover midwives and birth centers. They can't deny coverage if we are not birthing in a hospital. 

The midnight snack cravings have officially arrived. I had a piece of banana at 2:30, then woke up at 4:30 STARVING. And now he's forcefully jabbing my right rib. 

[help007]

Originally Posted by MissE 

I had talked to another mom about going to a birth center and she said "See, I'm glad my baby was born at the hospital cause she stopped breathing after she was born". Hmm...as far as I know a midwife is (even for homebirth) equipped to address even that problem. I don't know what kind of expectations she had from a midwife or if she even knows what midwives can do.

This is how I learned to what great extent HB midwives really are medical professionals. They carry oxygen with them, usually including a backup in case one isn't working, and they are able to work through emergencies in a very caring way. When my son didn't breath immediately (took one breath, then stopped, turned purple), they kept him on my chest, told me and DH how to talk to him and stimulate him (he already knows our voices and my scent, after all), and kept up skin-skin contact all while they were clearing out his passages and getting oxygen to him. It was such a surreal time because I *knew* he was going to be ok (a mother's intuition, or eternal optimism?), and I have no idea whether the whole thing took a few minutes or 10 minutes. The midwives *really* knew what they were doing.

[MissE]

Thank you for that explanation Hyde. I figured midwives are equipped for all kinds of emergencies.

@Asher: There are plenty of moms in my playgroup that had two or three c sections. Some were scared to VBAC, others listened to their doctor's scare stories. I think I'm the only VBAC mom. Some others however had their babies in birth centers, one had two homebirths. It's pretty diverse and everyone thinks their way was 'the right way'. I know at least one c/s mom is regretting her decision and she said she had wished she'd at least tried for a VBAC  but I guess she's ok with her decision. I just don't like how so many c/s are being portrayed as 'emergencies'. Urgent, yes but not every c/s is an emergency. I remember the time from when I said I wanted a c/s until I was being pushed in the OR, it took a while. I only remember bits and pieces since I kept passing out from exhaustion but they didn't seem to be in a hurry whatsoever so I would not call it an emergency. Was it unnecessary? Probably so. I was induced, had plenty of drugs, foley ball, epidural, foley catheter, AROM, pushing for 5 hrs, another ultrasound, four doctors standing arms crossed in front of me, dumbfounded and then a c/s in the end...I guess had the induction never happened, I would have not had a c/s. There were a LOT of 'what ifs' that bothered me in the beginning. I think I even had a slight PPD, even though I never got treated but I guess walking around thinking who you can give that child you just had to, who might want a new baby, is not quite right. I'm glad my DH was there to take care of DS in the early weeks. I'm also glad breastfeeding worked out so well for us, that helped a great deal.

I had a time after the c/s (about a year after) when I HATED doctors. I wouldn't trust any of them, I didn't wanna see one, talk to one and researched everything online, ranting about what happened back when I was in labor with DS. Five years after I'm good now. I'm budding out of people's business and bite my tongue when I hear about other moms scheduling c/s, be it necessary or not. I will give them input but I won't talk them out of anything, it's their decision to make, I just want them to know that there are other options.

[judybean]

Wow!  This is an active week and I'm having a hard time keeping up!!

In other baby news, I got a new nephew just four days ago!  I will say that it was really hard for me to be in the hospital to go see him... especially because I know he was circed (they would never even consider anything else) and less than two hours after he was born he was taken out of the room, down the hall with nurses and "given a good bath"... and as the nurse FINALLY wheeled him back in (I swear, it was the Longest. Bath. Ever... I'd freak out if my less-than-two-hours-old-baby was away from me for that long) the nurse said, "Now he smells juuuuuuust like baby lotion"... *sigh*.  And then in more exciting baby news, my friend (and chiropractor) had a homebirth VBAC at 41w3d!  He was 10lb 5oz!  And had shoulder dystocia.  but she DID IT!  And she was so happy and excited!  She's my only like-minded friend in town at all.  She wears her babies (she has one daughter that's nearing 3 and now a baby boy), doesn't circ, doesn't vax, is very gentle in parenting, uses cloth diapers, HAS A MIDWIFE (yeah, nobody here does... this is REALLLLLY exciting for me ;) ), etc... So... just exciting baby news around here!  Funny thing too, my SIL and friend are named Sarah and they had baby boys born just two days apart :) 

And so then all this boy talk makes me nearly crazy with curiousity for knowing the sex of this baby.  We don't do ultrasounds, so there's no chance at all of finding out ... and by this point, you'd think I'd be okay with not finding out (since we haven't with any kids), but instead I think my curiousity intensifies every time!!  Aaaaaand, after four girls, I feel like I'd almost need some sort of handbook on handling a boy if we got one! LOL ... If the Shettles method is correct (which we did not actively use... this baby is a beautifyl, unplanned discovery ;) ), sex probably occurred right at ovulation, so that would mean a boy is more likely.. which merely fuels my curiousity.  ... oh... because, I clearly have no intuition.  Really, I have no strong feelings as to whether this is a boy or girl.  I default to girl-think, but that's because of having four girls already.  Tomorrow I'm 30 weeks... so it's getting closer for time to find out!! ... Probably good it's not any closer since I'm still lost on names....

I ran out of Floradix about a week ago and have been totally feeling it, but am too broke to get more, so last night I brewed up a big batch of RRL, nettles and dandelion root tea in a bit pot on the stove (let it boil a long time and then let it sit and steep for a few hours afterwards)... so I'm hoping the nettles will help with my iron levels.  I know that part of my exhaustion has been from heat (a week straight of 100*+ days! And no air conditioning!  And no cooling down at night enough to brace for the next day! ugh!), but I know some is due to low iron too. Fingers crossed the nettles work! :)

And... computer time is up... DH took dd3 to swimming lessons this morning (thank goodness, I REALLY needed a shower) and then he'll come pick up the rest of us to go finish up our second week of delivering Meals on Wheels :)

[Carlin]

I'm loving the conversation about birth too. :) I think it's so important to talk about the mental and emotional aspects of birth prep and birth rather than just the physical.

I remember being unsure leading up to DD's birth, but reading birth stories (Ina May's Guide and the Birth Stories Forum here were my two main sources) definitely helped. My biggest fear was ending up with an induction, so guess what I got? lol. I was pretty disappointed that my planned homebirth was going to turn into a hospital induction, but even in hindsight, I believe we made the best decisions we could have with the information we had at the time.

Despite that, and a birth that my midwife has since described as 'difficult' I never panicked or felt overwhelmed by the pain (not saying it was fun. I was totally, totally exhausted by the end, and can't say I really enjoyed the experience, but I never felt like I couldn't do it.) The key for me was to stay totally relaxed, and visualize my body doing its work. During the worst of transition it really helped ot focus on each contraction being just a few more breaths long. I would literally chant to myself (inside my head, I'm not very vocal during birth apparently) "just a few more breaths, I can do this for just a few more breaths." Then, once that contraction was over, I just enjoyed the break before the next one started.

This time, I'm feeling more confident and more nervous, if that makes any sense. I know I can do it, which helps, but I also know it's likely going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done, and that no matter how well we plan and prepare, there is so much we can't control abou the process. I think my daughter's birth and first days of life was my lesson in letting go of control and going with the flow.

One thing that really helps me deal with the uncertainty is thinking of birth as a rite of passage as we transition into motherhood (or become a mother once again.) Rites of Passage aren't supposed to be easy; they are meant to challenge and change us. It makes sense to approach them with a mixture of anticipation and trepadation, and it's OK to be scared as long as we have the support and tools in place not to let our fear overwhelm or paralyse us.

I started re-reading the birth stories in Ina May's book again last night, and it really does help with the trepadation I've been feeling about needing to get this baby out sometime in the next 12 to 14 weeks!

[judybean]

Originally Posted by Carlin 

This time, I'm feeling more confident and more nervous, if that makes any sense. I know I can do it, which helps, but I also know it's likely going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done, and that no matter how well we plan and prepare, there is so much we can't control abou the process. I think my daughter's birth and first days of life was my lesson in letting go of control and going with the flow.

This perfectly sums up my feelings.  I've had two hospital induced, medicated (pit epi) births... One hospital induced, but no pain meds birth.... One homebirth not at my home.... and now working on a homebirth in my own home.  I"ve done it before, but I dont know if that brings assurance (Yes! I can do it!) or terror because I KNOW what it's like!!

[ascher21]

I just want everyone on this board to know: I am not judging anyone on what they've done, or what they want to do. We all have the opportunity to make the choices that are ideal for us (whatever that means for each person), and even then, things go awry. I'm just glad I'm in a group where trying a home birth doesn't make me look like a freak!

Misse--I understand the mistrusting of doctors (even if for a little while). For most of my life I was medicated for something I didn't really need meds for, and one doctor wanted to remove an ovary that didn't need to be removed due to a cyst that went away on its own (with castor oil packs and NOT the pill). So I guess you could say I am cautious and that effects what I feel is best for me. But what we all feel is best is different for all of us. I'm glad you've been able to work through your feelings over your past birth. I'm guessing that we rarely get the "ideal" we were hoping for. 

[Carlin]

Ascher, I totally get what you're saying. I don't think your post came off as judgement at all. The mainstream medical environment and society at large is incredibly unsupportive of any birth decisions that are outside of the mainstream and it can be hard when your choices aren't represented at all in the dialogue about birth. It's one of the reasons I like Mothering. It's one of the few places where birth is treated as well, normal, not as a medical event by default (although obviously there are times where medical intervention is necessary and thankfully available.)

Is there any chance you could approach your Yoga instructor about adding at least one home birth or non medicalized birth story to her repetoire? Maybe even find one that you find particularly inspirational and ask her if she would read it as well?

[help007]

Yay! I finally heard from my midwife (after our missed appointment last week, and getting no response all week, but not wanting to page her just yet), and she had the wrong phone number for me! All week, I was trying to think of what reasonable solutions there could be that wouldn't have me wondering if I should be looking for a different care provider. I am so, so happy for a sound, reasonable, only slightly irresponsible explanation. Due to some other midwives in our area taking off for some amount of time, my midwife was called in to assist a few deliveries, bringing her June total to 9, which is far above her normal schedule.


Along with Ascher's comments above, as a mama with a history of drug free birth, I KNOW why drugs exist, and I am actually quite ecstatic to know that is an option when we need it. I just wish the 'trusting our bodies' education came first, rather than the media saturated and medicalized 'education' that is so prevalent in our society.

[MissE]

We're back from the 4D Ultrasound. Amazing what you can see BUT babygirl (and that's confirmed again :)), had her face in the placenta, with a hand on her forehead and her knees up to her face LOL. The lady there said they hardly ever have babies that are hiding like her. She would not budge. In the last few minutes we got her to show us her face but it was only long enough for one picture. She's a cutie though from what I could tell. She was mostly in a transverse position, alternating between head up and head to the side. I hope she turns soon. I know there's plenty of time for her to turn, there must still be too much room for her.

[ascher21]

can I ask another question regarding weight? I keep reading everywhere that gaining "too much" during pregnancy puts you at higher risk for c-section? I'm concerned because my mother had a c-section with me (although I know she didn't eat right, exercise, etc). Is this true?

I'm so frustrated because I'm still gaining more than I "should be". I started out normal, too. I was 147, 5'7". My metabolism was awesome. I'm eating nothing but great stuff (ok, some processed cereal now and then, but not constant). This only gets to me because I don't want to end up with a c-section. So please tell me this won't necessarily happen!

[MissE]

I mentioned the 'weight issue' several times here and I know there are a lot of moms here that just don't worry about gaining weight. I don't know how too much weight might contribute to a c/s and I  wonder how much 'too much' is. My friend was told if she doesn't stop gaining she will have to have a c/s and she switched providers, went with a midwife and had her baby at the birth center, no c/s even tough she gained 50+ lbs.

I think as long as you stay active and eat good and offer your body all the right stuff you will be just fine.

[hyde]

Replying by phone here so will be brief- here's a good link about that issue, and FWIW it's geared toward women who are much heavier than what you're talking about:
http://wellroundedmama.blogspot.com/2010/10/gaining-weight-in-pregnancy-means.html?m=1