Nervous! « Back to Group Discussions

[carmen358]

I feel like it's so early to be joining a DDC but I love connecting with others going through the same as me. I've had 4 miscarriages over the last year (last one at 9 weeks) so I'm really quite scared and anxious right now. My RE wants blood work done so I will be going in on Thursday and Saturday this week for beta hcg. In the meantime I'm trying to enjoy being pregnant TODAY!

[maydaymom10]

Hi Carmen. I'm right there with you about being nervous & early to join. I haven't experienced a mc myself, but know they are unpredictable and am really just cautiously optimistic right now. Hope your appointment goes well and that we're both part of this DDC for the next 9 months. And yes! I'm also reveling in the enjoyment on a daily basis!

[kalamos23]

(((hugs))) I had DS directly following a loss, and right after 3 losses in a row. It was nervewracking! What I did that helped keep me sane was to take pregnancy tests daily until they got as dark as they were going to, then get betas until I could get an early ultrasound. I had 3 early ultrasounds (I also had a hematoma, which is why I lost the other babies, so they were keeping an eye on that). At that point, I was out of the first tri, and I got a doppler so when I started really freaking out, I could check and make sure he was still alive. I had an anterior placenta, so I didn't feel movements until later, but when I did, they were so comforting.

Good luck mama, fingers crossed! Recurrent losses really do a number on you - do what you need to to keep sane!

[revolting]

I'm pregnant directly following a pregnancy loss. Two weeks after my HCG levels had fallen back to zero from a natural miscarriage, I had a BFP. This was my second loss, though I had two children between the first loss and the second. I was in a DDC for my last pregnancy, and there's even something sad for me about now being in this DDC instead of my last one, like it just reminds me of the loss. I definitely think I got pregnant before I had fully recovered, at least emotionally, from the loss, and the rumors I've heard about the risk of miscarriage increasing if you conceive before you've menstruated after a loss definitely adds to my anxiety (though I can't find any statistics about how much of an increase the risk is and sometimes suspect that this is just a rumor, but then other times, I worry it's some astronomically high risk of increase, too). At this point, half of all my previous pregnancies have ended in loss, so part of me still thinks, "If we have a baby this spring...." That isn't to say I wasn't super excited when I saw the test, but that I just don't feel...I don't know, like it's a sure thing. Hopeful but cautious.

[wp135]

Carmen!  We were on the Nursing Mamas Trying to Conceive together.  Congratulations!

[carmen358]

Hi wp! I remember you :) Congratulations to you, too! Great to see you here!

I'm sorry others are facing the same anxiety but maybe we'll be good support for each other then.

[carmen358]

I had my first beta hcg yesterday. It was 184 @ 15DPO. Which is within normal but low for me comparing with past pregnancies. My symptoms have pretty much disappeared as of yesterday and it's left me feeling like this isn't going to work out. I have my 2nd beta tomorrow morning and that will tell me more.

[kalamos23]

How are your vitamin D levels, Carmen? Living in Canada, it is impossible to get the D you need from the sun (we live in the Pacific NorthWest, and have the same problem). My D was really low and I found a link between low D and recurrent miscarriages. In fact, both of my successful pregnancies were after I spent 2 weeks at the beach in Florida, so I am wondering if the D had a lot to do with it. I had all the blood clotting panels done and everything and nothing came up. Anyway, I thought I would mention it just in case.

(((hugs))) good luck!

[amymccarty]

Thats great to mention the vit D. I take 6,000-7,000 a day which is recommended for pregnant women. :) Id like to join on the conversation as well be I am also a little concerned. I am about 5 weeks today and had very light dark brown spotting today and yesterday. I have never had a MC but am really nervous about it regardless. I was told this is normal as it could be old implantation bleeding. So I am hoping for the best. I agree to about just enjoying this pregnancy. I plan to just enjoy it in the now because it IS here and happening for me :) *hugs*

[carmen358]

Thanks for the suggestion about vitamin D - someone else recently mentioned that to me on another thread. I do take 1000IU every day but I've never actually had my levels checked. Isn't too much when pregnant possibly toxic? I'm in Vancouver so not very north but very grey and rainy a lot of the time ;)

amy, from what I've read, dark brown spotting can be completely fine. Are you planning on getting it checked out just to make sure? Keep us updated!

I'm off for my second beta in about an hour. I'll update later tonight. I feel like I've been holding my breath for 2 days so I'm ready to exhale no matter what happens...

[kalamos23]

My beta was 69 at 14dpo, so yours sounds great! Mine normally run higher too, but I have been testing every day with Wondfos and the lines are getting darker, so I think it is going ok.

1000iu is not enough, I have heard that 4000iu is the upper limit for pregnancy BUT you need to get your levels checked to make sure that you are low before taking a higher dose. That being said, I would bet money you are probably low, I live south of you by a lot and pretty much everyone I know is low here.

[Cubanita]

This is my first pregnancy. I've had blood taken numerous times the past few weeks. Most recently I had blood taken and apparently my HCG is fine but my progesterone dropped from 18 to 13. One doctor said it was normal and another said she wanted to put me on prometrium. I think it's unnecessary angst that they have caused me and I am considering stopping the visits all together. I would rather let my body do what it supposedly knows how to do and if it doesn't, it will surely let me know. I must let it run it's course. After a spat of anxiety, my husband reminded me that this was out of our hands well before the pregnancy test became positive. We don't have all the answers, and shouldn't. I am going to our first sonogram tomorrow, but more to please my husband. I think after this I am going to stop going to my ob/gyn and commit to one of the midwives I have interviewed. The prometrium was picked up, but is sitting on my night table. Don't see a need for it at the moment and don't want to intervene with nature.

Instead of stressing about the progesterone levels today, I read my little appleseed one of my favorite Pablo Neruda poems. I replicate it here for your reading hoping it will bring you as much joy as it did me. It's poignant in such times of nervousness and angst, because it reminds us that life is filled with so many questions.....let's take a moment to just observe and be mindful of the present...

wishing everyone a healthy, beautiful day....

Through a Closed Mouth the Flies Enter by Pablo Neruda translated from the Spanish by Stephen Mitchell Why with those red flames are rubies ready to burn? Why does the heart of the topaz have yellow honeycombs? Why does the rose amuse itself by changing the color of its dreams? Why does the emerald grow cold like a drowned submarine? And why does the sky turn pale over the June stars? Where does the lizard's tail buy its fresh paint? Where is the underground fire that resurrects the carnations? Where does the salt get that transparent gaze? Where did the coals sleep that they got up so dark? And where, where does the tiger buy stripes of mourning, stripes of gold? When did the honeysuckle begin to know its perfume? When did the pinetree realize its fragrant effect? When did the lemons learn the same catechism as the sun? When did smoke learn to fly? When do the roots converse? What is water like in the stars? Why is the scorpion poisonous, why is the elephant benign? What does the tortoise meditate on? Where does the shade withdraw? What song does the rain repeat? Where do the birds go to die? And why are the leaves green? What we know is so little and what we presume is so much and we learn so slowly that we ask and then we die. Better to keep our pride for the city of the dead on the day of the departed and there when the wind goes through the hollows of your skull it will decipher these enigmas for you, whispering the truth in the space where your ears used to be.

[carmen358]

I didn't get in for my test this morning (too many people!) but I did get it down around 3:30...might get results tonight or tomorrow morning.
 

[carmen358]

Update! I got my second beta back. I was completely shocked to see that it had more than doubled Seriously, I had completely given up all hope and my DP and I were actually discussing doing IVF with our donor and going through the 6 month quarantine. Beta today was 545. That's a 35.75 hour doubling time (I took into account the extra 8 hours between tests). So, I'm past the first hurdle. Now I just wait until my 7 week u/s and hold my breath until then. Of course tonight I'm having moderate cramping that just started and it's freaking me out!
 

kalamos, great that they are doubling...that is definitely the main thing! I'm going to ask my RE to order a vitamin D blood test when I call tomorrow - thanks!

[threebees]

That's awesome news, Carmen!

[maydaymom10]

Congrats to you are have getting good blood work numbers. I'm not having that done & didn't with ds -- is that odd?? I've been calmed a bit by the fact that my tests (yes, I'm continuing to poas) are getting darker and are now about equal to the test line. I've been feeling fine actually, suprisingly not pregnant, other than fatigue. I'm nervous about our trip this weekend. We're flying out on Sunday for a family vacation & will get back the following Sunday. Just worried that something might happen, but trying to keep positive thoughts. 

[revolting]

It's not weird to get your betas done. I'm not doing it. For some, it's comforting. For me, it'd be something else to worry about.

[kalamos23]

carmen, that is GREAT!!! Sounds really sticky!!

For me, getting the betas done helps calm me normally.

[carmen358]

mayday, I don't think it's odd at all that you aren't getting betas done. I didn't even know what a beta test was until I had multiple losses! I find comfort in knowing if the pregnancy is viable early on - it helps control my emotions a bit. Although I know good betas don't necessarily mean anything. I had an early u/s when pregnant with DD (I had 3 m/c before conceiving her) and my midwife told me that if I would be less stressed out if I knew the baby was ok at that moment then an u/s is a good idea. Just do what's right for you :)

[amymccarty]

Little late for an update but all is still good. I have some dark brownish discharge off and on for a few days. It was HARDLY anything. I was just checking and that why I noticed. Feel good so far. :D