Im looking for advice from experienced parents who have btdt with their kids.
My daughter has SPD with Aspergers symptoms. She is intelligent and artistic and a very awesome kid. she is considered a "model student" at school because she is quiet and low maintenance. She has had and still has several aspergers symptoms, but they only come out when she is stressed or upset. At school, she wants to fit in and she is able to maintain pleasant behavior, but it is a lot of work and requires everything she has. when she gets home to her safe zone, she falls apart when ever she has to cope with anything.
The point is... that when she has to look "normal" and act a certain way, she can but it is exhausting.
she can do it though.
When she is faced with not getting her way, or having to cope with things she doesnt like with her family, she blows her top. She calls names, wishes us dead, screams horror like sounds at the top of her lungs and basically has toddler like tantrums, but with a lot of really bad language and verbal attacks. Once she does this, because nothing we have tried can stop it, she gets it out of her system and is nice again. She says she has to do it, to make the other person feel bad because she is angry. She said she feels better when she does that. Most of the time it is because she is mad or insulted, but its really hard because so much, makes her so angry. I have other children who watch her when she has these meltdowns and it is affecting them. I dont just allow her to abuse us because of her condition because it wouldnt be right for the rest of the family, or for her in the longrun. she is just so intelligent and has to learn how to cope. I figure this forum might be the only place that might not see this as cut and dry as this being my fault or her fault. She doesnt want it to be like this. Ive tried so many strategies and anger management techniques with her and nothing helps. I cant let her behave like this at the expense of the whole family, so I wind up forced to send her to her room a lotand take away priveleges. It still doesnt solve the problem, but I cant let her do this to us and the other kids every time she gets frustrated.
Any advice from seasoned moms who know what not to do or to do would be so very appreciated.