So, I am feeling so vulnerable and uncertain about our midwifery care!
I love the ladies working at the birth center we've chosen, but I have had 3 homebirths and because of finances we are stuck with a birth center for our 4th baby. I'm 35 weeks.. feels too late to change midwives. I'm very grateful to have the birth center option, and the midwives there seem like they have their hearts in it.. But since dd, my second baby, I've considered even going unassisted. NEVER thought twice about doing a homebirth. I've cried every time I get to my prenatal and the homebirth option is still not in our reach.. To be away from home on top of so many changes and lacking a solid foundation with a midwife, I feel so uncertain about the birth experience. I want something to be consistent and reliable with this birth, especially with who I'll be birthing with! I've felt so vulnerable this pregnancy, so emotional, which I value very much. But I really just want one, reliable midwife I can build a trusting, comfortable relationship with.
this pregnancy was very unexpected.. we just moved 2000 miles from home, have no friends or family here.. we had a friend die on halloween, another with a bad heart who's had a few close calls.. my brother's wife is pregnant with their second child, a sweet little girl who's due a month after us and she's been diagnosed with anencephaly. My sis in law is retaining amniotic fluid, is 4 inches bigger than normal, and they are considering inducing, which would lower her already low chances of survival significantly. So these are just a few of the big changes that we've been going through..
I would just really appreciate any experiences or perspectives on seeing 3 different people for pregnancy & birth. I don't depend on anyone else but myself to make or break this experience.. I know the power women have and I know we can have a deep appreciation and love for our experience, no matter what happens or where~ birth is amazing, and we are blessed to experience it. I just want some support I can rely on!