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Watching home birth videos....

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 

So, I have always been kind of a junkie about birth stories but recently I have been watching birth videos in my spare time.

Has anyone else watched these and felt totally annoyed with the midwives? Some of them are so bossy!! I had hospital births and never once had one of the nurses or OB's tell me what to do, when to push, when not to push. Those videos drive me crazy! How about letting a mom birth however she sees fit since it is HER birth?? I feel like screaming "Leave her alone"!!

It seems the only ones I enjoy watching anymore are the UC ones.....I think that should clue me in about what my deepest hearts desire is, eh? Probably why I am 16 weeks and have yet to hire a MW... winky.gif

post #2 of 10
Thread Starter 

ROTFLMAO.gifOK, I guess that answers my question and I AM the only one that finds the birth attendants at those births annoying and pushy!! ROTFLMAO.gifROTFLMAO.gifROTFLMAO.gif

To each their own....

post #3 of 10

You're not the only one! Ironically DH and I were having a convo about this last night whilst rewatching The Business of Being Born (for like the tenth time, lol) I feel like there is this big movement to undermine women and our ideas about our bodies and the amazing things we can do with said bodies, and I do find that there are people all across the spectrum whether they are OB/GYNs, CNMs, DEMs, CPMs, etc who will 'take charge' and in effect boss the mother around, but I don't feel like it is exclusive to one group if ykwim...if it's any consolation I have yet to see anyone and will be 15 weeks on Friday...we are definitely having this babe at home and really leaning towards having no one there as I have not necessarily had anything specifically "wrong" with my birth experiences, yet they have left me with the profound sense that the only thing I wish had been different is that it had been just DH and myself or DH, myself, and the kiddos. I hope you get the birth of your dreams!!

post #4 of 10

I agree. I don't quite have the courage for an unassisted birth and my DH would never be ok with it, but I do love the peace and calm in the videos of unassisted births I have seen.


My labour with J was just DH and I all day and it was great! By the time the MW came I was fully dilated, but she definitely took charge. I didn't like it, but didn't stand up for myself either. I have a different team of midwives this time, and I'm going to make sure I speak with each of them about what I view their role to be. I'm strongly considering a doula this time as well, as long as I find the right one who would help me speak up if I need to and help keep everyone else in the background, but on the other hand I want as few people there as possible.

post #5 of 10

I love watching the hypnobabies births! I've been watching a lot of those because they are so hands off and they are so great! I might even look into taking some classes or at least read up on them. 

post #6 of 10

I get annoyed with the pushy midwives, too. My MW with DS2 was totally in that camp, which is part of why I planned DS3 as a UC (that ended in a hospital transfer). I've hired a MW this time, BUT I did a ton of research, including talking to several people who have had babies with her. I wanted someone who was willing to sit back unless I truly need or want her. She even went so far as to say that if we didn't call her until after it was totally fine! It's exactly what I need (more acurrately, what DP needs, he would never be comfortable with UC).

post #7 of 10


Edited by nhklh - 11/14/13 at 3:54am
post #8 of 10

The midwifery training that I had was definitely in the camp of let the mom do what she needs and only monitor for health and well being. It drives me crazy when I see the super directive midwives, docs and nurses in videos too.


segolily - you have the right idea. It is very important to communicate your needs/wants when interviewing midwives (or docs for that matter) - so you find the right fit for you. Some people want more direction and some don't. I personally believe that labor and birth progresses best when there is the least interference.

post #9 of 10

The midwife who came to my first birth (with a practice of 5, no knowing who you would get until you called in labor) was pretty directive when I was pushing.  As a first time mom, that was actually okay with me at the time.  But I knew I wanted something different with my second birth.  I was with the same practice, but I picked which midwife I wanted, and I would say she was engaged with what was going on, but not directive.  I had made it pretty clear that I didn't want her to do much of anything unless I asked her to (I did ask her for help resolving a cervical lip.)  I hired her again for my third birth, but actually got her backup.  However, the backup was very laid back and only got there 30 minutes before DD was born.  Possibly by temperament/training, possibly because she didn't know me well, she basically just watched and gave DH some minimal directions about how to pass the baby up to me after he caught her (I was in hands and knees.)


What I have formulated for myself about what I expect from a midwife at my birth is that she is there as my backup.  It's my birth, I am the one who is ultimately responsible for it and therefore in charge of it.  But I want a midwife there because she has certain tools, equipment, and experience I don't have.  I will ask her to use them if it's necessary or helpful.  In a real emergency, she could step in and use them understanding that by inviting her to be there, I've authorized emergency action.  And I've talked about this in this kind of concrete language with my midwives.


I'm just back from a hospital birth I was doula at.  There was VERY directive pushing - direction first by the nurse, and then by the doctor.  The implication is that there's a 'right' way to do pushing and that the 'experts' know what it is and you (the birthing woman) don't.  I can actually see the ritual usefulness of this for many moms in our culture, who have very little exposure to birth, will only do it once or twice in their lives if they are lucky enough not to have a c-section, and don't have any expectations of autonomy at that moment - they just want labor to be over and to meet their baby.    And I can see that it's very useful for doctors and nurses, who 'know what to do' at that moment rather than having to watch and maybe coach and have responsibility (because they do in a hospital setting) without authority.  It's hard, however,  to watch that with the sure knowledge from experience that there isn't ONE right way to push - just the right way to push for a particular mom to get a particular baby out.  Because of the particular circumstances of this birth, I didn't try too hard to change the path of the directive river, so to speak.  I did just whisper in my client's ear that it was fine to ignore the nurse's direction not to make any noise because it would waste energy.  She was making great pushing noises before the nurse came in and 'set her up to push' and fortunately the doctor didn't seem to mind the noise whatsoever, so long as baby was moving down.

post #10 of 10

i hired a natural-birth oriented midwife for my son and i don't mean to say that it didn't go great, because it did! but she was very bossy!! i'm not going back to her this time and just signed up with a hospital that has a reputation for being supportive of natural birth (and where the entire team has had training in natural labor support).  it was a great experience anyway, but not what i'm looking for this time around either...

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