When to tell? « Back to Group Discussions

[babytoes]

I am so excited that I feel like I may pop! But, I know we should wait a little bit before telling the world. We've told our immediate family, parents, our siblings and my children, but I am having a hard time not calling everyone on my contacts list to tell them the great news!! How long should we wait? Do most people wait until 10-12 weeks? That seems like forever from now!!

[wp135]

We are waiting until 12 weeks for a few reasons. 

#1 We have an ultrasound at 12weeks and seeing that heartbeat makes it all real.  If I misscarry I don't want to have to backtrack and tell everyone that I'm no longer pregnant.

#2 I am still nursing and I'm planning a homebirth.  People know that I tried for a homebirth last time and weren't happy.  I also know how my family feels about nursing in general, let alone after 12mo and while pregnant.  If waiting until 12weeks means a few less weeks of commentary, I'm willing to wait.

#3 We told people at 8weeks last time because our dates were off by four weeks.  It just seemed like an awful long time for people to know that I was pregnant.  It might just be all in my head though.

#4 It's nice having a little secret!

However, my brother will be home from Europe and heads back just before 12 weeks.  We are going away as a family for a few days where there will be alcohol present and it will be odd for me not to have a beer by the pool.  We'll tell my immediate family while we are on vacation.

My three best friends also know, beause they knew I was trying and they asked.  It was pretty hard for a giant smile not to come across my face so it was pretty obvious.  If I did miscarry though, I would want them to know.

[carmen358]

I absolutely wait until 13 weeks. Having had multiple losses I like to have more assurance that things are going well before I tell the masses.
 

[threebees]

We've told a few friends, people that we know we would be able to talk to about if we miscarried. But the wait until 12 weeks is so long!

[maydaymom10]

So, I was able to get a bit of the "telling urge" out last night. I was at an opening of a new pregnancy center in my town where I'm teaching some classes, and it just kinda came up in a few conversations. I felt OK about talking about it, as most of these people I don't know and will have little contact with. Isn't that odd. It's like it's OK to talk about it to complete strangers because there's no connection there and no emotion between you if something went wrong.

My big thrill was that one of the midwives that I was planning on interviewing was there. So I got to meet her, talk about my doula work and nutrition classes, and then chat a bit about a possible home birth with her. I'm going to call her after I get back from my vacation, but my initial impressions were very positive. Now I just need to get DH on board for the HB and we'll be set! Plus, she basically lives in my town -- about 15 mins away. 

Still a little nervous about what will happen with my family next week. I think I'll just go with the flow and see what happens.

[kalamos23]

We told on Facebook and extended family at 19 weeks with DS (after 3 m/c, wanted to make sure!). Parents knew earlier though. Not sure when we will tell with this one, haven't gotten that far. Probably go as long as we can without telling, I don't pop until about 6-7 months, so really, I could hide it for a while!

[LightForest]

It's so hard to keep the secret in real life! That's why I love MDC. The last time around we waited till around 11 weeks. We had actually not even had our first appt yet or heard the heartbeat or anything, but it was Christmas and the entire family was in the same place at the same time (a rare feat) so we went for it.

This time around I'm not quite so eager for the world to know right away... It was really nice being able to tell family all together at once in person last time (we all live in different parts of the country). I wish we could do that again, but I don't know if it's realistic timing-wise this time.
 

[maydaymom10]

Well, so far the vacation telling has been 50/50. DHs friend guessed right away when I declined any wine or beer with dinner. Then it got embarrasing because he and his wife were asking how far along I was, and I had to explain that we just found out -- like last week. So that was awkward. And then they told me how his wife drank a glass of wine here and there during pregnancy and that I should have one, to which I just explained that I chose not to while prenant. I think there is a cultural differnce there, but they rolled with it... and proceeded to keep me and ds up until almost midnight 2 nights in a row. I declined the bar hopping tonight for an early bedtime in the hotel.

Then, I got to catch up with one of my oldest college friends tonight. We have so many simialr birthing & child raising philosophies, and it was hard not to tell her. I didn't. We were sharing birth stories and early-child parenting experiences and I just kept reminding myself not to say something like "when the next one gets here..." Tomorrow will begin the big test as we meet up with my family. Wish me luck on staying strong and being a good actor as to why I am not partaking in some of my favorite items.

[babytoes]

maydaymom, I know exactly what you mean, my DP's brother knew right off when we saw him a few nights ago, I was only drinking h2o and he was like "Are you pregnant? You must be you're not drinking any wine!" Of course Jason confirmed it, so at this point all of his siblings, and mine know. Parents, of course. And I told my niece and nephew (My eldest sisters first borns, and I am very close with both of them), In August there is a family reunion on my side of the family, at that point I will be 11-12 weeks and I think I will spill the beans to them all. It will also be the first time many of my cousins will meet DP, as these reunions only happen once ever 4-6 years. It should be a blast!!

[LightForest]

I know what you all mean about making people suspicious by not drinking alcohol. Since it's summer, my work-around when we have guests over is to send my husband into the kitchen to make blended margaritas or other froofy iced drinks. He comes back with identical looking drinks for everyone, and nobody has to know that mine is alcohol free :) WAY less conspicuous than declining beer or wine, and tasty too.

[happylemon]

I really want to tell everyone! Keeping secrets stinks, but I hate untelling. It is only a mater of time before my close friends find out though. Mostly the drinking thing! How crazy is that! It is not like I even drink that much! We are heading to a BBQ here in a few and I know there will be wine and I am either going to have to fess up or avoid it. Maybe just get a glass and take a sip or two and let DH sneak the rest! I did tell my Mom today, but I would want her to know no matter what. She did not even tell me I was crazy, which was nice!

[WildDoula]

We're telling our parents tonight at the fireworks! We were going to wait for my in-laws' birthday in a few weeks, but I want to include our parents from the beginning. I'm really nervous, but I'm sure it'll go fine. :) 

[Dia]

Like a lot of you, I am dying to tell, but feel like I should wait. So far I have only told my sister, with whom I am really close, and of course my partner. 

I would like to tell my parents and his parents in about 2 weeks. His parents live n CA (we live in WA), and they are flying up here to meet us at that time to hang out, and meet some of my family (since my partner and I are getting married in August). We don't get to see them in person very often. And for both sets of parents, this will be the first grandchild, I know they will be thrilled...so I am dying to tell!

I'll still only be about 8-9 weeks then, is that too early? This is my first pregnancy, and I have never miscarried or been pregnant before. 

[LightForest]

Originally Posted by Dia 

I'll still only be about 8-9 weeks then, is that too early? This is my first pregnancy, and I have never miscarried or been pregnant before. 

It's such an individual thing! I am totally waffling over whether to tell DH's family when we fly out to see them in a week and a half (I'll only be 6 weeks along when we get there). I honestly want them to know early on... But I know they'll blab the news to everyone in town right away, and I don't really want the entire town knowing so soon! (With my last pregnancy, my husband's very sweet but rather clueless brother announced our big news on facebook before we had a chance to tell our closest friends in person... Eesh!)

[maydaymom10]

Well, it took about 30 mins for the my sister to ask. And then my aunt & uncle asked - claimed that I was showing -- didn't have the heart to tell them it was just the fat belly I've gained over the past stressful year. So, after that we decided to tell my parents and it's been trickling out since. Everyone understands that it's early and are pretty nonchalant about it all. This makes grand kid #13 in 10 years for my family, so it's no big deal anymore. I feel ok about it, but still feel like I shouldn't really talk about it yet. I know if will get easier. I think well wait to tell others until after the 1st trimester. Hope everyone had a great 4th.

[happylemon]

http://www.etsy.com/listing/61551462/big-sister-to-be-shirt-i-have-a-secret

I want to get this onsie for DD3 to wear for DH's family. I am not sure when we will see them next, It may be either her or DD1's birthday parties, which I do not want to use to announce anything, so I hope we can keep the secret long enough to find a time to do it.

[ClumsySugarPlum]

I told my mom because I needed her to babysit for me while I got my betas done both days. I told her she could tell my Dad. We haven't told anyone else yet, including ds. I'm afraid that we would build it up for him, only to find out at an appointment that it didn't work out. However, dh is kind of a blabbermouth. He totally slipped and told his dad when I was pregnant with ds, even though we both agreed to wait. Also, at my nephew's birthday party, which was outside, everyone could see my one bruised arm from the first beta and the bandaid on the other arm, and me not drinking.... So, I would be surprised if our little secret lasts more than a week! 

[babytoes]

Originally Posted by LightForest 

(With my last pregnancy, my husband's very sweet but rather clueless brother announced our big news on facebook before we had a chance to tell our closest friends in person... Eesh!)

Yikes!! That should be your job! I know he was clueless, but I would have been pretty mad... 

We have a big bon fire party to go to tomorrow night with DP's cousins. It's going to be a fun night convincing them that I'm drinking water or whatever because I am the designated driver! But the problem is that if they figure it out, this part of DP's family are BIG MOUTHS! They will inform the entire world within 9.5 seconds... 

[LightForest]

Oh I was DEFINITELY angry when I found out what he'd done. But he seriously just has no clue and I decided it wasn't worth making a big deal out of it. Whatcha gonna do, you know?

[LightForest]

 It's going to be a fun night convincing them that I'm drinking water or whatever because I am the designated driver! But the problem is that if they figure it out, this part of DP's family are BIG MOUTHS! They will inform the entire world within 9.5 seconds... 

Just hold the same beer/wine during the entire party and dump a bit in the bushes whenever no one's looking ;) Or have DP take sips for you on the sly.