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finding out the gender vs. waiting till the end - Page 2

post #21 of 25

This is a difficult choice- both sides have a point.  I have a friend that was in your situation- two boys and dying for a girl- who chose not to find out because she thought she would be disappointed for the remainder of the pregnancy is she found out it was another boy, but knew she would be immediately in love with whatever gender baby they put into her arms.  She had her girl, so it was the surprise she wanted, but it tend to think that if you have no history of having a hard time connecting to your newborns, this might be a safe way to go for you.  It is easier for me to imagine disappointment with the abstract than with the actual little person placed into your arms.

post #22 of 25
Originally Posted by loveandgarbage View Post


Let's also not forget that the sex of our children when they are born isn't the be all and end all of gender. Some of us might end up with a boy who wants to be a girl, a girl who wants to be a boy, or either who chooses to live somewhere in between thumb.gif.


This is so very true! And we will love them all the same.

post #23 of 25
Thread Starter 

Well, thought I would update this thread to let you all know the results of my decision. I ultimately decided to find out what I was having, because I figured if I was having a boy, I'd hate to agonize for months of not knowing that.


But... what do you know. It's girl number 3 in there, and I'm really regretting my decision now. I'm positive I wouldn't be this disappointed if I was holding her in my arms right now. I know I will love her just like I adore my 2 girls, but now I'm just dealing with disappointment and guilt for being disappointed.


But there is nothing I can do now, so I'm just struggling to come to terms with this, while looking around for ways to help me. I think a name and wardrobe will help me bond. Names is a real challenge right now! I am so picky about girl names, and on top of that my husband is very picky too -- and he has different tastes from me! but I've decided to start new with baby clothes to help me get excited. I don't want to just reuse what I've used that last two times.

post #24 of 25

((hugs)) mama, I am in the same boat, but the other way around. I have 2 wonderful boys, but am longing for a daughter. I am 11 weeks pregnant, and we've decided not to find out, because like you and others mentioned- I think once baby is here and in my arms I won't care whether they are a boy or a girl. Hopefully I will be able to hold out and not find out what we are having!

post #25 of 25

Forum crashing, sorry! I have been really concerned about gender disappointment. We have 2 boys and are TTC for a girl (and of course, would equally love a boy but you know how it is).


As awful as you feel now, I think you made the right choice. You can work through these feelings now, rather than when newborn is in your arms. While it is probable that you would bond right away, there is always the chance that you could have extreme gender disappointment and be more prone to PPD. I know it is not the same, but I remember when we found out for DC2 that it was a boy (I was pregnant), I thought to myself, "most definitely I will not find out during the pregnancy next time, if there is one, because I can't deal with this disappointment. If I had a newborn in my arms, I would not be able to feel this disappointed." I would imagine the disappointment at third pregnancy would be even stronger.


But, after I worked through it, I feel that I was better off knowing in advance. I knew he was another little boy and was able to bond from the start (rather than working through disappointment in the first hours/days weeks). Again, I'm sure your case is a little stronger, as it is the third one, but my point is that you probably did the right thing. You will be able to work through it now and except your little princess for who she is instantly when she comes. Even though it's the pits right now, you still have time to adjust. Don't beat yourself up about your feelings, they are what they are, and you will feel better soon.



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